I'm not sure I should continue with my DD's piano lessons.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter is nearly 7 and has been having Suzuki piano lessons for about 6 months. She is very musical has has a very good natural sence of ruthem, sound etc. So her teacher says. Music is one of her main loves in life. She enjoys her lessons but won't practice at home. If I try to get her to practice, it's either very half hearted or she pretends she can't do it. On the occasion she has a good practice, I can tell she just wants to get down ASAP.

She'll make up her own songs and play play random tunes when ever she feels like it, but doesn't like to follow my instruction. I use top trump cards, beads etc as rewards for her practice and always give plenty of praise.

I don't want her to loose her love of music or do it just to please me or her teacher. She has to enjoy it in order for her to do well.

I'd still take her, but I'd have her lesson in stead. Then I could teach her if and when she wanted.

She is very quick to give things up as soon as they become a tiny bit challenging. I want her to learn that the work she puts in pays off, but at the same time making her do something she doesn't want to, isn't going to make her love it and want to learn to please herself.

I should also mention that although she is nearly 7 she has mild/moderate learning difficulties. Music seems to be a streingth of hers but co-ordination and processing isn't.

I'll be honest, I get ds to practice his cello with straight bribery - he gets a star on his reward chart each time he practices, 60 stickers = goody from toy shop/book.

I'm not expecting a future concert career but I strongly believe that learning music improves life in every possible way, and helps with all kinds of other learning.

Could you reduce the length of the practices? Just get her to do four bars or something? Short/successful is good in my book, especially at this age.

Piano possibly quite a difficult instrument re co-ordination? Does teacher do any other instruments, would she advise?

Yes, I know it's soo beneficial. I might make her a chart and do the same as you.
She is taking very small steps at a time. She's learning to use her fingers properly and get the right hand position. The problem is, she thinks she knows best. To her it doesn't matter is she' using the wrong fingers as long as it sounds right.
She's an angel for her teacher! You can really tell how much she's enjoying it.

She's like that with swimming too come to think of it. She happily swims without armbands with her instructor, but with me, she'll cling to me demanding armbands. It must be ME, I've decided.

Umm 10+ years down the line from having a reluctant to practice 7yr old (traditional methods not suzuki )I have an 18yr old who misses her piano dreadfully now she's at uni and plays loads when she's home!

I suspect if I'd been more of a nag bag long term they'd all progress faster. All 3 have never been into regular practice, though the "how many sweets do you think you'll get a "x"s if you haven't practised" tends to be a reminder (3 sweets if they are brilliant, 2 if good, 1 if OK and non if she doesn't believe they've opened the book all week!) .

Maybe it's just my kids but real, improving self motivated practice doesn't start until about grade 4-5 and/or age 11-13 IME.

(and this is in a household with parents with musical knowledge and ability who can direct practice, so if you haven't that skill I don't know how you do it! The kids thought we had psychic powers for years because we could shout "it's an f sharp" or "don't miss the beats out of the bar" from the next room!).

Do I wish I'd nagged more when they were younger ? THe "tiger mothers" program with the 8 or9 yr old practising for hours made me wonder- actually I don't think I do wish I'd nagged more. THey enjoyed their music and that is enough.

Yes, I agree. I'm pehaps the direct opposite of a tiger mum. I want her to enjoy it and to be honest, I'd like her to get good at it. I think it'll improve her confidence no end if she feels like she's good at something she enjoys.

I'm lucky if I can get 3-5 minutes from her at a time. I like the sound of the egg timer.

DD1 (9) and DD2 (7) are a year into Suzuki violin. They LOVE their music teacher, they LOVE their lessons, they LOVE Suzuki camp. But they hate to practice! And they hate Mom making corrections as shown by the teacher!

Have a discussion with the music teacher about how many days per week she expects your daughter to practice. Also clarify what she is expected to practice. Maybe 5 mins a day 4-5 days a week will be OK? And build it up gradually. Make sure you include your daughter in this discussion. Then remind her that teacher said she needs to do x days.

The other thing is to ask the teacher specifically about the things you think she is doing wrong. Ask her to show both you and your DD the correct way to do it, and maybe 'practice' in the lesson on making such correction.

And have teacher explain to your DD that mom's job is make sure she does it correctly when teacher isn't there.

One thing that works for me is that I make a practice spreadsheet, with days of week going across and list of tunes/exercises for practice along the side. DD2 loves to tick in her own practice. We do a bit every day, aiming to cover everything within 1-2 weeks.

I'm not expecting my two to be professional musicians. Most of all I want them to develop a love and appreciation for music.
But I think the discipline of having to practice on a near daily basis will stand them when they are older.

Also remember, if she is like that with you at practice - you haven't a HOPE of taking the lesson yourself and teaching her. Generally kids don't want to learn from Mom.

My 13 year old cousen started taking lessons a few months after my daughter. She'll sometimes teach my DD and she behaves perfectly! My cousen is quite bossy with her too and tells her bluntly when she does anything wrong.

The only way I've found she'll practice well is if I play it higher up and she coppies me andwe play together like that. She just doesn't like me correcting her, even though I use far more tact than my cousen

I feel your pain! I'm a piano teacher but also a mum to a very reluctant 10 year old ds who is learning the guitar and hates practising - although seems to really enjoy his lessons and doesn't want to give up... As he's 10 and has been learning for nearly 3 years, we 'make' him do 10 minutes 3 times a week. So, 30 mins a week. He uses the kitchen timer and won't practice a minute over, but he sticks to the deal - we've said if he doesn't, we'll stop his lessons.

As a teacher to mainly younger piano pupils, I ask them to do 5 minutes a day if possible. I don't think most of them do, but 5 mins most days is good enough until they start doing grades and is fine with me!

rewards work. i use sweets / ice lollies. [shame]

also playing a game - my dd is 5 so this is appropriate for her age - we play o & x's and she has to do something between every turn. about 4 or 5 turns so you can make the task she has to do fit to the game. we play all sorts of games.

She loves improvising. At the end of the lesson, the teacher plays a tune and Lucy plays along with her. She's so good at this, at first I thought the teacher was playing just for her to listen.

If I could learn how to do that, then that would be a perfect incentive. I'm not very good at the moment though and although I can play several tunes, it would put me off if someone played along.
I need more practice.

Sorry to say but it does not get any easier.... It the only thing me and 14 year old DS argue about. He is grade 8 piano (distinction in grade 7 last year) and grade 6 cello.

He is expected by his teacher to do 2 hours piano on saturday and Sunday! it is a nightmare, strops etc....

So no advice but bribery sometimes works here!

Oh great! I think a bag of sweets next to the piano might help then. I might even make a little trail of sweets leading from the TV to the piano.

Her teacher is so understanding and helpful. I'll always be honest and say if she's done hardly any practice or if she's been great.

When I was little and played the piano my mum gave me an egg timer and she drew funny outlines on a bit of card. Each outline equaled 5 minutes and I'd get to colour them in for each 5 minutes I'd practiced. It worked for me!

Also in hindsight I would've liked more encouragement (i.e. my mother taking an active interest rather than just 'nagging' me to practice), but I say that with an adult 'I wish..' point of view, not sure if it actually would've helped me at the time.

Now that I'm an adult I play the violin and maybe I should go back to an egg timer and colouring in stuff because I practice too little! :o

It really doesn't get any easier. But I just leave them to it.

Really, you could go mad trying to do it for them or worse still trying to make them do it. It's up to them ultimately. Effort pays off. Do nothing get nothing. We got lucky when DD abandoned piano in Year 7, duly missed a grade then asked us to restart. We found her a super new piano teacher and she's working harder now - just doing grade 5.

DS just loves music and has never really shirked although I recall he postponed grade 2 through lack of practice - which mortified him.

My DC has a drum lesson once a week. Although he has an electric drum kit at home he hardly practices between lessons. And we are happy with that. If the kids enjoy their lessons then isn't that enough?

I should add that DC's 'serious' instrument is the violin and for that we do insist on regular practice.

Alternatively, can I suggest a more sociable instrument? My DD started Suzuki Violin when she was 5. She got to play along side other childen in workshops, orchestra concerts, solo performances and the like. It motivated her to practice. But if the only person that is going to hear your child play the piano is mum and dad .....

Children need a goal.