smacking- but not parental.....

[SauerKraut]

HELP!!!!! my 6 year old dd2 cannot desist from delivering almighty whacks to her siblings and, on occasion, father, in response to teasing. How can I stop this- no amount of telling seems to work.

Ooh, I suppose not giving a reaction to it, although that's pretty hard isn't it!

What punishment do you give when she does this? I would take her away and make her sit on the 'naughty step' until she agreed to come back and apologise to the person she has hit. Be consistent with this, with perservance she should get the message and stop.

Chart? Sad face when she does it, happy face if she responds differently?

Sounds like she needs a great alternative to smacking when teased: have you tried brainstorming what else she could say/do?

Rhubarb, I'm afraid I've been pretty unimaginative- usually yell stop that! But thanks for the idea. Trouble is, they aren't much older than her- and she could really do them some damage. Also worried about the example set to 4 year old. And as the older two are very close' they tend to gang up on her, which makes her lose it.

I would punish her if she does it, but also punish the others if you see them teasing her, so that at least she sees that you are being fair. They shouldn't wind her up and they need to stop too.

Hope you have a very big naughty step!

Hee hee! Live in appartment- no steps at all! Several corners, mind you......The two older ones are very mischievous and fun-loving, whereas dd2 takes herself extremely seriously- bit of a personality thing between them. Only two and a half years between the three, so difficult as dd2 can feel left out, esp as she is nearly the same age. Does one use naughty steps /corners for 8 and 9 year olds? For the teasing?

Yes, if they know it is going to provoke her into that reaction. At that age they should realise the differences between them and she is a lot younger than they are. So yes, I would punish them if they tease her, it's not fair on her. I used to be teased constantly by my older brother and my mother hardly ever punished him, yet when I 'lost it', I got severely punished! I never thought that was fair and still don't!

Nice one, thanks. See what you mean, had similar experience, don't know why didn't think of that! It never seems obvious when one's in the middle of it!

Absolutely agree - my younger brother and sister used to 'gang up' (led by older sister) and I felt very left out. No, hitting not ok of course, but would definitely look at ways of empowering the 6 yr so she has an alternative to lashing out.

Any "empowerment" suggestions, Elibean? The trouble with that kind of thing, I find, is that it easily gets out of hand....

I suppose I was thinking along the lines of her finding things she could say/do to take care of herself. It probably depends on what form the teasing takes, and how she feels when it happens, but maybe saying its not ok, walking away, telling you/their dad, going to a special place and bashing a cushion...?? Not actually dealt with this, so no specific experience to share...would think someone would have, though!

At any rate, might be worth having a chat with dd and finding out what happens to her when the teasing starts - does she feel hurt, furious, scared etc - and then brainstorm with her what, other than hitting, might help her feel better?

Might also be worth having a chat with the other two about the teasing, when its not actually happening IYSWIM....as well as the disciplining all round that Rhubarb was talking about, not instead.

Sorry, wish I had more experience to draw on!

No worries and thanks for your ideas! Given me enough to think about anyway.