Do you ever feel people look down on you because your child isnt what they 'should' be?

[MentalMuslimMummy]

anyone experienced this. my little boy has been commented on and looked down upon because of a few things. mainly :

he wont go to strangers for cuddles or talk to them
he is a mummys boy and has mild separation anxiety
he isnt a 'typical' boy whatever that means
he hates fighting and roughness and only fights if he gets hit first
he is the one most likely to get bullied

also, is biting and grabbing another child's cheeks to pinch them hard normal behaviour? Im under the impression this is normal from some mums. To me it seems horrible, but honestly is that just what most boys do?

When saw this thread I thought it would be about children with special needs or developmental delay.

I have two children. My first have developmental problems and certainly I felt looked down on. My son wasn't walking, my son wasn't talking and many people thought it was because I was a crap parent.

My second child has good development. She is tiny so she looks more advanced than she really is. People have commented that I am a wonderful mother.

Biting is normal toddler behaviour, but that doesn't make it acceptable. However it is normal to make social mistakes in life. You need to be a little forgiving because the chances that your child will do something wrong at some point is high. Most boys and indeed girls do something to embrass their mothers at some point.

How old is your little boy? I am surprised he is getting into fights. If this is at pre school then it sounds like the children are bored and badly supervised.

I think your little boy sounds lovely.

my first is more of a mummy's boy than my second. m\y second bites and is rougher, and I feel more upset at the thought of people commenting on him than my first....mmmmm feck them all.

i agree molly, feck them all indeed

reallytired

he doesnt get into fights. I meant that when other boys start fighting with him he either takes it (gets bullied) or if he is being hit then he will try to defend himself. He is not quite 3 yet, (will be in march) so he doesnt go to preschool yet.

I get looked down on all the time. My son refuses to say please or thank you, or even hello or goodbye, in fact he just ignores people. He will talk to them about things that interest him only. He screams in the street if there's a shadow or the paving slabs aren't how he wants them to be. He screams and hits if his questions aren't answered in the way he wants them to be answered. His hair is very long as he hates people touching his head, and people are forever telling him he needs a haircut. He has frequent meltdowns in shops, throws himself on the floor and kicks out, hits me, swears, runs away and a whole host of other "unacceptable" behaviours.

He is 8 with Asperger's. You kind of get used to it. I think your lad sounds fine.

auntyfash

bless your boy. my stepbrother is 10 with autism, i get it. having a kid without aspergers or autism behaving badly is one thing, having a kid with these things is another. you must feel like you dont get a break. thats a big lesson for me not to assume every naughty kid is just a horrid little bugger and actually consider they may suffer from something out of their control.

Hmmm - I was expecting you had DC with SN. Then I would have totally supported you.

Instead sounds like he is a timid little boy. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but while I do understand that other moms are making you feel this way (so I do have some sympathy for you), really I really think you need to get some perspective on this. So your little boy is not so adventurous yet... Not so bad really???

Dwell on the positives.

i wholeheartedly agree MCos. Think i just get down cos of people comparing him and then looking to me for an explanation. Justaboutnowisakiki, thankyou for your lovely answer, its made me feel better.

Mentalmuslimmummy, until you have a kid like that I don't think you ever really understand. I was a aright judgeypants having had well(ish) behaved kids, and then along came ds3. How I laugh now at my naivety. People judge us all the time as parents, people always think they know better. You are almost certainly a fabulous mum doing the very best for your equally fabulous son. Don't let what other people think affect you. Truth is, we ALL get judged, usually by people who are most likely dickheads ;)

respect to you auntyfash. here's a X goodnight, im off to bed. love to you and your dear boy. he's a 'fitnah' a trial for you as we say in arabic, but all kids are and some have these conditions, only God knows why. Stay strong anyway and i'll buck my ideas up and enjoy my kid :) sweet dreams everyone

He's a fitnah alright! Aren't all kids though.... You just keep strong and ignore what other people say. You sound like you have a wonderful and sensitive lad, be proud! Anyway, G'night, sleep tight, and don't let the bugs bite (as my nan always used to say). XX

He sounds lovely. :)

not ordinary people in the street/neighbours/other mums, no

but school teachers and health professionals usually assume that because I have a dd with anxiety disorder I must be an anxious over-protecting mother