Constant guilt....

[fandango75]

is ruining parenthood for me and I need to be set back on the straight and narrow. Firstly am 8 months pregnant and have one Ds aged 3. I have just gone on maternity leave.

So regardless of my husbands constant reassurance that I am a great mum I feel crap. Examples below:

Working - feel guilty.
Not working - feel guilty as a bit boring! I don't much want to be playing shops / play doh / Art all day hour after hour after hour.
Question myself over being: too snappy / tired/ stressed / too much boundary setting or not enough? No social life for myself or partner which will change now his job has - worry resentment makes me snappy

This morning I was on the phone trying to make hospital appointments and ds kept interrupting making it difficult to talk then started shoving lots of coins down the sofa which made me promptly march over and grab his arm and tell him firmly to stop it. Ds just looked surprised. I now feel awful and cried a bit (not infront of him). I do this a lot. The other night i cried myself to sleep thinking. I am crap mum / wife / at my job (have stressful job for an arsehole company). I try so hard to be good at it all but end up feeling rubbish. It's like all my confidence has drained away. Dh thinks my constant self doubt is damaging and I agree. It's almost ruining all my experiences as all I can focus on is negativity and overwhelming sense of guilt about everything I do.

Any advice?
Thanks

I have no practical advice but can empathise. The fact you have felt moved to post here shows you're not a bad Mum. Don't feel guilty. We all shout at our DCs every so often, we're only human. Also remember you've loads of hormones rushing around just now, xx

Also you may want consider talking to your GP to see what options might help you. Getting help is not a failure - its very brave, xx

"I try so hard to be good at it all"

That's your problem right there. What is 'good'? The Enid Blyton image of a selfless, relaxed, smiling, pretty mother, beautifully manicured and coiffed, happily baking scones with her relaxed, smiling, pretty children, before settling down to read endless stories, play wholesome games, do potato-prints or go on leaf-kicking-in-the-park expeditions with a dog called 'Buster' never existed.

Newsflash.... Small children are very loveable but they're also blooody annoying. Children's games only keep children entertained - they are not stimulating enough for grown-ups. Work keeps you away from your kids and not everyone loves what they do for a living.... but if you need the cash, you work, you put up with the arseholes and you manage it best you can. Everyone loses their temper from time to time unless they are on tranx or have had a lobotomy. Everyone with small children is operating through a fog of fatigue 85%+ of the time and pregnancy probably ups that to 99%. Everyone makes bad decisons & has moments they regret.

I'm going to suggest 'be more selfish' and put your needs much higher up the agenda than they currently are. If your social life is suffering, book a babysitter and go out somewhere. If you don't like play-doh.... don't have the horrible stuff in the house. If you need a feet up and a cuppa moment during the day, plonk your DS in front of CBeebies like everyone else does -it won't mean they don't get that Oxbridge place. If you need a lie-in at the weekend to catch up on your sleep - that's what husbands are for. If you don't like your job, approach it differently or decide to get a new one. Lots of options that will fall into place more easily when you make yourself #1 rather than #2, 3 or 4...

Cogito wise words and the kick up the bum I need. Although going out has not been poss as my dh has been working away so much and so to have a social life and toddler and work and be pregnant hasnt been practical but it will change from thus summer.

Thanks for your words much appreciated