3 1/2 yr old dd, when should they really begin to have a bit of responsibility?

[liverLadyLass]

My DD is four in august,
I find it hard to get her to tidy her own mess up, for her to stay in her own bed all night and she cannot dress herself yet, but I'd like for her to start trying, I'd like for her to become a little bit more independent for herself, is this still to young? I just don't want her being like her older brother, as I still need to help him get dressed brush his teeth etc but he was my first and only till he went to school, so I feel it's my fault he still wants help,he can do himself, just not as he should at his age. But would like for my dd not to be this way at eight also,, is it to early to start?

I don't know DS is just three, he gets in my bed every night, hardly ever pulls his pants up after a wee, asks you to come and watch him go to the toilet, and will not tidy up at all - just keeps playing with his stuff until you give up and do it yourself later.

He gets away with murder really. But when I tell him to go get back in his own bed, he just smiles and says but I like you Mummy or sometimes I pretend I didn't notice him climbing over me to sneak in

But, he does says please and thankyou, is very good at taking his clothes off himself (too good, he likes to be naked as much as possible) and will sometimes put his socks and shoes on. They are so easily distracted from what they are doing at this age though.

My DD1 is three in August.

She does now dress herself but that's because recently I've had to force myself to step back and learn to do it herself.

We're usually in a rush in the morning and it's been easier to just do it myself but I've forced myself to find an extra five or ten minutes every morning (and huge amounts of patience) to encourage her to do it herself. Turning it into a race to get dressed etc seems to work better than just telling her to do it.

I feel your pain on the mess though. I spend all day picking up after her and her sister.

My DD is 4 at the end of September. She can help tidy up, but I need to tell her where to put things. She can use the toilet, including pulling up her own trousers and washing hands, help me get her dressed (I.e. I hold her trousers and she puts her legs in and pulls them up). So it sounds to me like your DD is right where she should be .

Ooops, I meant she's four in August, she's three now

Oh meant to add she has been sleeping in our bed most nights for the past month although she's recently decided to go back to her own bed--thank god!!

DD3 (4 in March) gets the same treatment as her sisters, at bath time they need to pick up their toys and anything that isn't put away by the time I have run the bath goes in the big red bucket and you then have to earn it back through more tidying and general jobs

I struggle with answering back, she has 2 older sisters who argue a lot and she has started chancing her arm

My DD is 4 in August and can mainly dress herself. She can use toilet, wash and brush her teeth.

Clearing up is another matter

I help out at the school in Reception and ALL the children (regardless of birthdays) have to get themselves undressed and dressed for PE. On that basis alone i would recommend trying to get your DD sorted wrt dressing before September. We are on the final 'turning clothes the right way out and tights'

For staying in bed we have found the Kidsleep alarm clock and a sticker chart have worked well.

Good luck and i'm sure she'll be just grand

DD will be 3 in a few weeks. She brushes her teeth, washes her hands, dresses herself. She will help tidying and also loves to throw things into the bin or take dry clothes into the bedroom or hoover. Also loves to help with cooking.

I think the idea is to ask them to help out and praise them when they do something on their own. Toddlers love to feel 'adult'.

And, erm, you're still brushing an 8yo's teeth

you;re supposed to brush their teeth for them until they're at least 7 anyway. i wil be doing it for as long as I can to ensure nice clean teeth!

OP, your daughter sounds totally within the realms of normal! she is 3, she doesn't need responsibility yet. she'll get there in her own good time

Until 7? Who says?
Both of my DCs have nice teeth. So do I, and my mother certainly wasn't brushing my teeth past 3. I do supervise DD, though, to make sure she brushes everywhere.

that isn't to say you shouldn't encourage her to do things, but i wouldn't worry if she can't/won't just yet

every tube of toothpaste I ever bought.
and my dentist and the kids dentist

DS has been getting himself dressed since he was 3.5, he's now 4 and I lay out his school uniform and he puts it on, at weekends he chooses what to wear ( as long as it is weather appropriate that is fine by me) He cleans his teeth and I have a look and a little brush round after. I stopped wiping his bum at about his birthday, when I realised he'd have to do it at school, but I do clean him up if it's 'messy'

I help him tidy up, but he has to help do it, I won't do it for him. That has been the same since he was a toddler.

He has a gro-clock, and now I have added a digital clock as he got fed up of the vagueness of the gro-clock and knows to get up at the right time. He has had the gro-clock since he was 2.

You have to just realise that it'll take 3 times as long, but they should be given time to do things for themselves.

good luck!

Didn't mean to sound confrontational, btw Just amazed at brushing 7 or 8 yo's teeth.

and the nhs apparently!

You need to brush their teeth until they are 7, I let her brush again after me showing her how it's done or visa versu depending on her mood.

I brush DD3 & Dd2's and then watch DD3 do hers.

Is anyone using a naughty step? It takes ages here if I need to put her on the step and ques lots of yelling "I'm SoooorY"

Ah, ok, thanks. Must be different advice given in the UK, then.

i have terrible teeth, and whle I am sure it's partly genetic I am going my damnedest to ensure my kids have the best teeth they possibly can

and am happy to brush for them to make sure it's done properly

if i let my 4 yr old do his own teeth he just kind of wipes the brush round his teeth and eats the toothpaste, he doesn't give the teeth a proper good brushing all over

I'll ask the dentist next time we go. DD's doing it rather well, goes up and down and sideways and everywhere, but I'll ask.

DD is 3 (4 in Sept) we started encouraging her to dress herself after she turned 3 and was not showing any initiative, she can undress and dress herself now (in easy clothes pants/top/bottoms, some socks/shoes, not jackets or coats yet) I agree it takes patience to not hurry them up and do it for them.

She is pretty good at tidying up, if it is a big mess then it must be done before next activity or general mess gets tidied before bathtime, I do help to encourage her but also reminder her that if she does not do it I will be putting those toys away for a week.

I also ask her to put her rubbish in the bin. She helps me take the rubbish down too and likes to 'help' dust/hoover.

She goes to the toliet on her own, but sometimes asks for help.

She brushes teeth a bit then I finish them off.

I am happy to help her if she needs it but I also want her to be able to do many things for herself.

Hi everyone thanks for all your comments much appreciated.. My son turned eight in December and altho he does brush his teeth I feel I have to brush them afterwards as to make sure they are done proper,as he can just quickly do them, and go in the morning and I have terrible teeth as my mother never made sure we brushed our teeth, so this is probably why I do it after him.. And he's fly because he'll say but if you just do it we'll be done quicker! He's a chancer he's right but it's not going to help him in the future if I keep doing it will it??
MyDD undressed herself, goes to the toilet by herself but I clean her afterwards, and enjoys washing her hands afterwards.. She feeds herself, she will take her plate out afterwards, she won't eat everything on her plate but she does eat a lot throughout the day.. She's very clingy, very loving, very happy energetic little girl,, I'd just like for her to become a bit more independent for eg.. Tidying her room, being responsible for her toys, etc as when she plays she demolishes her room then starts on another room and so on, you can honestly not place your foot anywhere, and this is how she plays, everything out of the boxs and on the floor,sometimes she pulls her draws out were her pjs and underwear are and her hair bobbles and has it all over her floor.. She also likes to stay in our bed all the time and takes up the bed by sleeping across the way, if I dont let her she bawls the house down and tells me that she just wants to cuddle up because she loves me.. Which then I feel terrible and end up letting her in.. My own fault really but I'm struggling how to break this habit, I also allow this so she does not wake my oldest up as he's got school and DH has work, any suggestions would be great..