Bored and lonely on maternity leave - any advice?

[myncichips]

DD is 11 weeks today. I really love being with her but I'm finding it hard to fill my days and I'm finding the repetitive nature of my weeks depressing. My day goes:

• get up, wash, dress and breakfast for the pair of us
• hang around the house/cleaning/playing
• go for a walk

-hang round the house/cleaning/playing some more

• it gets to 4.30 so watch desperate housewives and rules of engagement on E4+1 feeling guilty if DD is awake of exposing her to terrible tv
• hang around house/clean/play
• fling self in relief at DH when he gets home (between 7-8)

(haven't put in feeding which is on demand and roughly every 2-3 hours)

On Tuesday I have 1.5 hours of baby yoga and on Thursday's go to baby zone for 2 hours at children's centre.

I don't have any friends with kids, my NCT group is petering out despite my frequent cheery emails as everyone else has family locally, my family all live 100 miles+ away and am moving soon so money is tight. I also live in a urban area so my walks down grey residential streets aren't even that scintillating.

I do love being with her and I do lots of things like singing, yoga, playing but I do spend a fair bit of time when she's absorbed in her playmat aimlessly reading threads on MN and every single update on Facebook.

What do you do?

You need other new mums to hang out witih.

Speak to you health visitor? The best thing my heath visitor ever did was to tell me that there was a mum nearby about my age with a baby the same age who'd been saying she didn't have any friends locally, and would I mind if she gave her my number? 12 years on and we're still friends :)

I also made new friends though and under 4 months baby group. You can also take them to toddler groups well before they're toddling if you want to (they'll be other little ones there with older siblings) - and that's a good way to meet people. Once you've got chatting to people at any of these things you just need to pluck up courage and ask if they want to come round for a coffee or something, and swap phone numbers. Chances are they'll be pleanty other new mums in much the same boat as you.

It's hard in the winter though I think - much easier in the summer when you can spend lazy afternoons sitting in the park with them.

Ooh asking the hv about similar mums is a brill idea! Will try your other ones too - thanks!

I was in your situation 3 years ago, Find every single baby group activity you can - speak to HV, Surestart, Buggy Fit, Aquababes, library storytime, look at ads on church notice boards, sports centres, local papers, soft play centres and so one. Then go to them all a few times and speak to people. Soon enough you'll click with someone. I know it is hard to make the first move sometimes, bt babies are great ice breakers, and a simple "How old is she?" or "I love that pramsuit" can go a long way.

Our local library also had loads of info on things to do. just try to get out as much as possible and do stuff. It will get easier.

I second what BikeRunSki says. Go to every to every group you can. Surestart is good for free groups, or a lot of toddler groups are very cheap (ours are 50p a session). I think it's common to not feel accepted right away, but stick it out, keep going, and it gets better (and compliment everyone's kids, it's a good way to start conversations). In the early days I found it easier to do the activity groups (baby massage, baby yoga, baby signing etc) as there was less pressure to make conversation for an hour or more.

I hestitate to mention the other site, but Netmums has details of local meetups, could be worth a look?

Thanks these are really good ideas. I'll put my confident face on and start getting out a bit more. Thanks!

Go to all the groups but also offer out your number or 'let's got for a coffee' to anyone you click with. I have met loads of fab friends who I spent loads of time with at the moment as we're all on ML. you need to be self confident!

Second Surestart - also try your local church (even if not a church-goer) - they often have subsidised groups.

I stuck DS1 in a sling and went to local museums and gardens when he was tiny too.

Also stick a thread up on MN Local?

Yes agree with above; go to EVERYTHING!

Also not a popular thing in here but netmums has a meet a local min thing which may get you started.

Good luck!

This is me 3 years ago too. Some women easily slot into a mum's group, others have to really put themselves out there to make friends. I think it's just down to luck and timing.

I have one other suggestion. If you're too shy to just ask someone out of the blue if they want to meet for coffee try waiting until the week before half term. Most toddler groups etc don't run during school holidays so mums with just one child end up a bit bereft. I asked someone who I'd chatted with a few times if she wanted to come to mine on the day the toddler group usually runs as it was closed for Easter, she accepted and we became friends.

Good luck.

thanks these are really good ideas!

I feel your pain! Can you meet friends for lunch while DD is still at a portable age? Second above suggestions about going to as many groups as possible. Things will get easier as the weather warms up too. I took LO to the park/playground lots in the summer and just plonked her in the sandpit. Got out and chatted to other parents too.

i used to go out in the mornings, lunch, nap/chill out, housework or potter round the house till dinner time.
baby group, pram walk in the park, swim, rhyme time at the library, walk to town/round the shops.

there are a few local listings of all the toddler/baby groups on locally. i've tried them all! there's also the nct weekly stuff, rather than things your nct group does together. ours have a baby group and walk round the park every week.

What Quenelle said about half term is great advice too - it's how I first started seeing several of my friends outside of a structured group session. So, go next week, they you've got 3 or 4 weeks to half term and casually drop into conversation - "so, since the group's not on next week , do you fancy bringing the babies too (insert name of local cafe, park etc ) instead?".

I found it really helped me to do something that isn't baby related. For example I do an evening class once a week. At the moment I am doing web development.

I think that baby groups are good way of making friends, but sometimes its good to do something that has nothing to do with babies.

Im in the same boat, where do u live.

I used to love taking my DD to the local shopping mall. I would hardly ever buy stuff but I'd be under cover, feeling like a 'normal' person, tootling round, talking to my DD when she was awake, window shopping while she was asleep. I would stop for a coffee and to feed DD. Lots of people would stop and talk to me because of DD and it was fun. I got to know where the best baby change facilities were and where the lifts were located. With my DS I had a good friend who was on mat leave too so we did stuff together but with DD I was aline and more independent. Do this once a week to break up the monotony. It doesn't have to be expensive.

You said your NCT group was pittering out, do they not run local NCT coffe morning or a bumps and baby's group, there where my life line with DD. Espicaly our local coffe morning group as they where all local mum's, we don't even all have baby's of the same age but they where all pre-school age.