Having a fourth child, your experiences please!

[Littlemissnegative]

My DCs are 5, 4 and 2 and I thought DC3 would be my last however since she was 6 months old I have been longing for another child for some strange reason! I had PND after her which I didn't have with the older two and I had to have an EMCS after her which resulted in complications so I am baffled as to why I want another after my last baby but the yearning won't go away despite finding the first year of DC3's life incredibly tough. Life is so much easier now and I adore being a SAHM but it wouldnt be at all practical, yet even DH is starting to talk about the possibility of a fourth child! Our families would strongly disapprove (none of their business I know) however I can't bring myself to believe that it would be a bad idea. So.... any one out there with four or more children willing to share your thoughts?

Hi there,

I could have written your post a while ago..see my post tonight. What I would say to you is....I don't know what I think. I am in such a similar position to you. The only difference is that we were like you, thought we would have 3, had a fourth, and now are back to square one ie. tempted by a fifth.

I think you should go for it as you obviously want to. And I don't think you would regret another precious bundle from what you say. And please don't listen to anyone else - I don't where little ones are concerned -it is your family and you need to do it your way.

The only thing I will tell you is that it is likely that you are meant to be a mother and in the olden days may have had a dozen or more. In other words, you may well find that this longing for another child does not go away even if you have a fourth. I feel exactly the same as I did after dd number 3. I just love new borns so much and do not regret our fourth one bit (obviously). Fortunately for me, time is not on my side -41 and I am coming to the end of this part of my life journey. Probably a good job or we might end up with several more. Oh, and I have had c-sections as well so I wouldn't let that worry you. You would probably be fine next time anyway. Good luck - hope this helps in some tiny way.

Timeticking I've seen your post and I think you're amazing, and you still want another one! The way I see it is that you will never regret the children you do have but you may well regret the children you don't have. Of course that is not the case for a lot of people but it is for me and I think it is the same for you. So many of my friends and family couldn't understand and still can't understand why I wanted three, "But you've already got one of each, why do you want another one?" several people said that to me! The fact is I've never been in a hurry for any of them to grow up, I enjoy every stage and the thought of sleepless nights doesn't fill me with dread as I'm not a great sleeper and quite enjoy that time with the baby anyway, although l admit it isn't easy being sleep deprived!
I think there is still a lot of love to go round but in answer to your question Loopy we have room in the house, not in the car but due to change family car soon, don't have usual holiday arrangements, we could afford it whilst it's young but once it's school age it might be a bit tight although hopeful that DH will be earning more by then. I want to and DH is definitely coming round to the idea, so I guess the sensible thing would be to wait a year or so then either start trying or decide not to have any more. Thanks for the advice, I guess I just wanted some reassurance that I'm not being selfish or crazy to want another one!

Four is no worse than three IMO, though you do need the expense of a bigger car.

Mine had to fit around the other three, so got used to sleeping in his buggy during the day, as we had to pick up from playgroup and nursery.

I stopped at four because I didn't feel my older child was getting the attention he needed and I was loath to do after school activities. As I had no back-up (my husband worked till around bath-time and family live away) I thought it best.

I have a 5 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 year old, and we are trying for #4. I have been through a lot of soul searching. I don't find pregnancy, birth or those early weeks/months easy. I had a traumatic first birth (long labour, shoulder dystocia then pph) which frightened me so much at the time. Going through two more pregnancies I've put those ghosts to rest, but had a difficult time with my middle child. He had reflux, and is still sick from time to time now, but this is nothing to the daily nightmare when he was little. I suffered from pnd, and regret that I spent much of his early days feeling like a zombie. I worried that this could happen again with my third, but thankfully it didn't. Things were relatively easy after she arrived - she sort of slotted in to family life, and with school run etc. I do find myself stretched, emotionally and physically. It is hard work, and if we are lucky enough to conceive I know I will face a barrage of criticism/comment from friends and relatives who will think we are mad, or who will be worried about why we'd put ourselves through it. I've posted many times on here before wondering about the right thing to do, and people have suggested (logically) that if I'm struggling with three perhaps I should stop here. But I can't shake the idea of having a fourth. I don't think our family is complete. It would be a tough couple of years (again!) but in a way we're more than used to that. It always gets easier in some ways as it gets harder in others, with middle children going to pre-school or starting school, or becoming more independent. I understand what you mean about affording them while they are young. We get by at the moment, but with four pairs of school shoes to buy every few months not to mention lunches, uniforms etc, goodness knows how we'll manage, but I figure we will. I hope that we'll both be earning more in the future, and don't mean to sound like I've got my head in the sand about it, but I just hope it will work out. In terms of your whole lifetime any short-term worries/pressures/issues will be long-forgotten, and when you are older surrounded by four or more children and their partners and families the hard work of these early years will be a distant memory. If you want to, go for it, and I wish you lots of luck. I hope you reach the right decision for you!

I have 4. I had always wanted three children, met DH and had three and THEN I got broody and it was awful. I was utterly miserable DH was adamant he didn't want another. DD2 had just become easier and all the nappy stage was over, we had sold all the baby equipment.
I tried for a year to persuade him, and when he agreed it took a year to conceive so I have a bigger gap between DC's 3 &4.

I did find it hard to give them all enough attention, we had to get a bigger car and an extension! (and a new lot of baby equipment!). Also his birth was something I wouldn't want to go through again but I love having four and have never been broody again!
Good Luck with your decision!

Thank you for all your responses. I know having a fourth child will be met with hearty disapproval from our families and some friends but despite everything I know we would cope, and a baby would be so loved by DH and I and it's brother and sisters who all adore younger children and babies. I do wonder about a career but I've never been an ambitious person at all. As daft a it sounds I never knew what I wanted to be in life other than a mum. My main worry would be that the others would miss out on my attention and I'd hate them to feel pushed out. I still have all my baby stuff just can't part with it yet! Who knows, it's a tough decision but one which we will have to make fairly soon. Good luck to all and it's good to know there are lots of people in the same boat, and also to know that life with 4 or more isn't hell all the time!

Littlemissnegative - good luck and please pm me when you make your decision. It would be lovely to hear what you decide to do - I could have written most of your last message myself. Take care.

I have 5!!! Not quins that would be chaotic, 4 boys and a girl. I had with EH and now finally one with DP. I was a single mum for a time with 4 and the children didn't drive me mad but everyone elses attitudes to single mothers, like you were completley simple!!! I used to get "oh you must love being pregnant" "you must love children", truth was a hated being pregnant every time, for me like invasion of body snatchers and I only ever loved my children not random ones! Was completely happy with my 4, then met my new DP (DH in 3 mo). He had 5 himself, combo of previous steps he took on last time and his own. So then we had 9 every other weekend! (It can be very noisy). Then completely by accident found myslef PG only to loose it few weeks later. I was completely deverstated. People weren't very sympathetic. "Well you've got sooooo many it's proabably a good thing" It wasn't a good thing it was awful. Suddenly realsied that I'd found this amazing man who was a fab dad to his and mine and stunningly gorgeous ta boot!!! Madly in love with him and the one thing id always been able to do I couldn't do any more....over next couple of years endo got quite bad, bleeding bleeding and more bleeding!!! I still was desperate to have our baby. Noone really got my need, not even DP. He said we had the best of both worlds but every other weekend we'd be left on our own children all gone to mine or his EH EW and house was earily empty.....(sorry this is rather long winded) After 2 years of trying when i'd completely given up hope BINGO!!! No. 5!!!! He's 4mo and I'm sooooo glad we have him. We have been disowned by some of our friends as house is too noisy on occasion. We have 6 living with us permanently now as DP son came to live with us and anything up to 10 every other weekend. People steer clear of us at christmas coz they think they may have to buy 10 presents, where as actually they spent all xmas playing monopoly (one game shared by all). Unless you have a large family you may not understand it. It can be completely crazy but when the hwhole house erupts into hysterics it is the most amazing place anyone could be!!!

Forgot to say number 5 is a dream baby not at all phased by comings and goings, sleeps for 8 hours a night and loved by all! Go for it, you'll always wonder if you don't!

Wow, your life sounds amazing but wonderful. I don't have the same time as you (hit the big 40) but I am completely torn. Some days I feel the four are enough and I can just about give them some 'me' quality time. But on other days, often when ds starts doing something else new, I start thinking that our chances of having another are almost gone. Not sure which way we will go - I think I know deep down I am a bit scared to try again and then think "oh, what we have done". Bit worried about the risks of having a baby now. But then I will never get to meet that other child I keep dreaming about. He even had a name in my dream last night. How sad is that!

I have 4, (5 if you count dh! tbh, he's the biggest kid of the lot) dd (9) ds(8) dd(6) and ds(4). Our house is always noisy, full of chatter, bickering (middle 2) and laughter! I don't regret it for a minute, don't get me wrong, it's hard at times, there's never enough time/money, but I wouldn't change a thing.

However, I found the jump from 3 to 4 to be massive. The practical things (car etc) were easily sorted, but I just felt like I was spreading myself as thinly as I could. It's getting easier now though, but days out with 4 kids are soooo expensive! Thank god for Tesco vouchers and camping holidays!

I can strongly recommend the fiat multipla as a car for 6! It has 3 full size seats in the front and 3 in the back and a good sized boot. I never really liked the idea of the kids sat right in the back with the shopping/pushchair.

Tesco vouchers are a gift sent from above!!! :) Forgot to mention that of course one to one attenetion isn't as it would be if you only had one child, but they gain in so many other ways. A lot of focus is put on one to one which I agree can be important but lots of things are important in raising a family. Like teamwork and in our family if one of the children has a dissagreement with someone they go and find solace somewhere else. Large families are frowned upon these days, but we both work and run our own businesses and don't claim anything in the way of tax credits. No one we
know quite understands our life but then what' important is that you are happy in your own skin.

Hi lovely Mummy's and Daddy’s, I’ve been thinking about having a fourth baby. I know my mum would disapprove and would not be happy as she believes I have my hands full with 3 children. What are your experiences with 4 children? Thank you x

If you can afford another child without expecting the money exchequer to fund your family then go for it