they advised against it but i did anyway and it worked - your stories please

[hostelgirl74]

I have 6 week old baby. There are so many things that the professionals tell you not to do but that sometimes experience/intuition tells you otherwise. For example not putting baby in bed with you, letting them comfort feed on demand etc. I would be interested to know what advice people had ignored and it had worked out/not been as bad as "experts" would have you believe.

We didn't have a stair gate, I really didn't see the need. Nobody fell down the stairs. HV asked where the fireguard was but we have never used the fire so I didn't think we needed one.

Had both DSs in bed with us when they were newborn. Fed on demand, picked them up when they cried. All the terrible things......

There's probably more but they are 10 and 12 now so will have to think.

No fireguard here either when dd was small, she liked to sleep on her side instead of her back, she would curl up and fall asleep with the dog in his bed when she started crawling, I started weaning her at 14 weeks.
She's now 9 so none of it damaged her in any way!

co-sleeping. the hv with my 3rd baby said several times "we know mums do it but we're suppossed to tell you not to".

the reasoning applies to many parenting issues - if you do your research on the pros and cons and make an informed decision then you are making the best decision for your family.

I let ds sleep on his front, mostly in his pram in the day. He slept.

Dd preferred her front too, I didn't ever let her (pfb). She didn't sleep.

My DS sleeps on his tummy. After we went through three weeks of hell with no sleep one of my friends suggested and after initially watching him like a hawk I just leave him to it now. HV had a hissy fit and told me I was risking his life but as DS is now 15 months old...... He was also in his own room from 3 months and formula fed so really he is lucky to be alive!!!

We had a stair gate and the only accident we ever had was when somebody tripped over the bar at the bottom and split their head on the stair.

I hope this thread doesn't descend into 'I did everything they advised me not to and my child survived and is also a genius, therefore it is ok for all babies.' I'm sure all of us have done plenty of stuff that is less than ideal but I would hate anyone reading this to think that just because someone else's baby survived despite not following safe sleeping guidelines etc, theirs will. My cousin slept on his front in his own room and he died.

I co slept but following the safest practice for that, so I took a risk too BTW.

dd also slept on her tummy. I asked the GP about this and he thought about it and said he thought the risks of a tired ratty mother with a baby who never slept were probably greater than the risk of SIDS in our case. What wise advice I thought (of course if anything had happened to dd I would have an entirely different view).

Nappies - babies don't need them, just used the elimination method. Granted my carpet is shit-stained but that's what 70s style carpets are for.

I agree with TheProvincialLady.
From the age of two until about six I regularly used to travel on a deckchair in the back of my Dads transit van, my newborn sister used to be next to me in her pram with the brake on until she could sit up. We both survived but I certainly won't be doing that with my DC.

Bottom drawer of a chest of drawers instead of a cot or moses basket, nicely padded with blankets, cellular of course. Can just close the drawer if I wanted to do a bit of reading without the light disturbing baby. Dcs all too big now of course, but they still love trying out all the drawers in John Lewis Furniture even now. Lost dc2 one day in there and spent 30 minutes opening every bloody drawer. Always in the last one you look in.

Always in the last one you look in.
well yes...

I don't remember any prohibition on co-sleeping when DD was little (she's nearly 13) - so long as you were sober. Feeding on demand was what you were meant to do wasn't it?

She wouldn't sleep well on her back - IIRC we wedged her on her side in her moses basket.

can i just say PLEASE don't heed the advice re stairgates. Yes the vast majority of people who put them up won't "need" them and the vast majority of those who don't probably didn't have any problems - but that's the percentage game.

It is absolutely idiotic to say "we didn't have them and we were fine" - every day people die from falling down stairs - this includes children and personally i don't think it's worth the risk.

my mother died from falling down stairs (got up for a wee in middle of night whilst staying with friends, got disorientated and fell. died 12 hours later) so i'm speaking from experience.

please use a stairgate - they are cheap yet potentially invaluable.

Re BF on demand - absolutely - i don't think there is any other way. Also, apparently BF is most successful in countries where they don't generally have access to clocks! my 2 fed every 1.5 - 2 hours generally during the day for first 4 months. may seem like hard work but you get very just to popping them out, quick feed, happy baby!

We removed plug sockets, as both DS1 and DS2 seemed more fascinated in playing with them, whereas once they were gone the socket held no interest

"They" tell you to bf on demand, surely?

My aunt died after a stairgate-related accident - she was in the habit of stepping over it instead of opening it and misjudged it once. That doesn't mean don't fit one - it means fit one and use it properly.

I actually came back to this thread to post this serendipidously happy finding of a 'baby' in a drawer...

Co-sleep
Feed on demand, sometimes in public
Sling
Real nappies
Baby led weaning
Cut their hair myself
Home birth
The nurse didn't listen to me when i said i had a natural 3rd stage two weeks past my due date at my daughters following day check up and said that she was awful jaundiced then to make matters worse she plotted it on the wrong scale point so it appeared that she was verging on getting a blood transfusion. She instited that i stopped breastfeeding, that I left the baby overnight without me on a billiboat whilst being tube fed. I insisted that I got a second opinion and that I stayed with her at all times. She threatened to call social services (!) I couldn't believe it. I stated again that she was two weeks late and had a natural three stage. She said I would have to wait for a second opinion because they were understaffed. I accepted that as long as her life was not at risk and it was safe to wait. I waited and continued to feed on demand on a chair in the corridor in silent tears for hours. Then eventually she sent another nurse to us who I stated again that my daughter was two weeks late and had a natural third stage and she got us a bed and billiboat saying I should get the baby on it inbetween feeds overnight (approximately 1.5hrs when i totted it up but nurse gave her goggles that were for a premmie, my daughter was 9Lb 2oz so the goggles dug into her skin badly leaving a mark I was told there was nothing the night staff could do, so every time she cried I fed her) and see how they are in the morning when Dr did their rounds. In the morning a very helpful dr came saw the morning results and released us saying that she was perfectly healthy. :( Had I listened to the nurse rather than my instincts screaming not to let go of her then our daughter would have gone through pointless hardship and I wouldn't be breastfeeding her now.

I was told that I should see their formula as medicine :(

Yes every safety issue has it's horror story and it's success story.

It's up to us, as grown ups and parents, to assess the risk and decide which ones to take. That is why they are guidelines and not laws.

Feeding on demand - just go with what the baby wants not some ditzy HV.
Dummies are bad for speech and teeth - my daughter still has hers at 4 and a half (will have to get rid soon I know) but she was talking in sentences at 18 months and her teeth are great according to the dentist.
On the other hand co-sleeping has not been so successful for us I now have 2 of them in the bed with me and DH and whilst it is lovely to get a cuddle I do find you do not get a great nights sleep sometimes and my DH gets frustrated with it.
Don't spoil them with too many cuddles - bugger that cuddle them as much as you possibly can they grow up far too quickly.

DS1 sterilise the bottles, oops dropped a teat on the floor. Rewash, sterilise. Phew.

DS2 Sterilise the bottles. Oops dropped a teat on the floor. Run it under tap, stick on bottle.

DS1 Cooled boiled water, top and tail bowl, cotton wool balls.
DS2 Pampers bum wipes from birth.

The best bit of advice my NCT teacher gave me was that all the government guidelines on drinking in pregnancy, co-sleeping etc etc are based on the fact that 1% of the population are fuck wits and so if you said "oh its basically ok to have the odd glass of wine when pregnant" they would interpret this meaning you can carry on canning it while pregnant. The only way to stop this is to basically say don't do it.

Co-sleeping is a classic example - millions of parents all over the world co-sleep with their babies and THEY DO NOT CRUSH THEM TO DEATH!! My DH saw some stats on infant mortality and the number of babies who died by being suffocated by their parents in bed. In every single case, one or both of the parents was either totally shit faced or whacked out on drugs.

All HV and midwives have to tell you not to co-sleep due to the fuck wit principle, but a tiny tiny baby just wants to be close to you (they still think they are in the womb). Find out how to do it safely and relax - everyone will sleep better for it.

Sparklingbrook with DS1 I accidentally touched the end of the tongs you were supposed to use to touch the teats/bottles with when it came out of the steriliser. So naturally I re-sterilised the entire lot

I would have done the same first time round Provincial. . I still can't believe I did the top and tail bowl and cooled boiled water fiasco.

All the age appropriate toys coming out of their boxes at exact ages for DS1 too