Special diet (eg Halal) - at parties etc.

[BeeMyBaby]

Although its probably a couple of years ago (DD1 is only coming on 2) I'd like top know what others do about special diets for their children when they are not with them, in particular halal? Do you just ask other parents to treat them as vegetarian? And how do you explain to your child (or other parents) they can't have things like marshmallows/jelly sweets even though they can have them at home? As I'm not Muslim I have no experience of this and DH grew up abroad where everything was halal.

I just make sure there's no pork, etc and that sweeties are veggie (meaty gelatine is yuk in my opinion and they now do veggie Percy Pigs!)

I have had veggie parties with quorn mini sausages and veggie jelly and I dont think anyone noticed/cared. I haven't met a child yet who can't eat smarties or crisps!

I just didnt want the hassle of who can eat what and who can't, so tried to make it as 'coverall' as possible (so no nuts either). DS also had a Hindu lad in his class, so not beef!

I think the OP is talking about when her children go to other people's parties?

my dd has a dairy intolerance (so not the same thing, but a similar issue wrt coming across foods she cannot have)

whenever I accept a party invite, I mention to the parent that dd has dietary issues, and offer to send a party lunch/tea with dd (if the party host prefers - they usually do, as less responsibility for them - completely understandable)

dd is 4, and knows she cannot eat everything the other children eat - she has different food at school lunch, for eg (not always, obviously, but most days she will have a different pudding, or a different type of potato, or something). she is reliable (ie will not eat anything unknown without asking an adult)

so, day of party: I pack her up a lunch (usually a sandwich, a couple of treats, a cake, some dairy free chocolate) and drop her off. I remind the host she has her lunch with her (in her bag), and bob's your uncle, tbh.

party bags usually still have loads of stuff she can't have in them (chocolate buttons, odd sweets etc) but she knows I will swap them at home for stuff from her treat drawer.

no one is bothered, or upset - it is just what we do.

Yes, I should read things before charging in! I have found that when they are little, there is usually an adult hovering to keep them away from the food they can't have. As they get older, they know very well what they can and can't have, and parents generally let you know if there is anything you need to keep them clear of.

silverfrog does your DD understand the difference in the chocolate? I mean does she understand why she's allowed chocolate at home but not chocolate from other people?

wahwah at what age is it still acceptable for the parent to hover around the child?

At least this explains to me at what point I chime in saying DD can't eat such and such.

she cannot tell the difference herself, but knows that some chocolate 'makes her tummy sore' and the chocolate at home (well, hers, her sisters, and dh's - all dairy intolerant) doesn't. she knows she cannot eat my chocolate (even thugh mostly I eat dark chocolate - I am just a selfish non-sharing mummy )

so she knows not to eat it without checking if it is ok for her - at the party, she will select things like haribo or chewits (ok for her - obv potentially different for you) if there is a choice. and she has her own chocolate packed in her bag if that is offered around (dark chocolate not often found at 4 year old's parties ) and knows to eat that instead.

she is used to the different chocolates as eg at Christmas when her teacher handed out chocolate coins, she had to have ones from her treat drawer (school very good and keep a stash of things for her)

she will go through a party bag, and bring me all the bits she cannot have, to swap for things she can have, or ask whether she can if it is something she doesn't immediately recognise.

re: hovering around a child - I would say as long as is necessary, tbh. stuff what other people think - if you have a reason to be reminding your child to not eat something, then that is up to you (and understood by other parents, ime)

I do always remind the host of dd's intolerance - they are usually very keen not to cause an upset tummy (understandably), and so keep an eye out generally - since I send lunch with her, this negates any of the 'can eat this and this, but not that and that' which could be confusing for a small child (she did ask (very politely, I am told) if they could check whether she could eat the sausages once, and was delighted when she could. but generally she is happy with her sandwich - one of her favourite foods anyway)

hmmm, bit worried as its not a medical requirement other parents will not be so understanding. I know a school would as I'm sure they wouldn't want formal complaints but when other parents are doing something nice (inviting DD's to a party), I'm a bit nervous that I will p*ss them off with all the special requests. Do you think they would be offended/or like it if I offered to bring top hats for the children myself (using halal marshmallows)? At least its a while away but I've really no idea what would be acceptable or just sound like I'm dotty.

I would follow any reasonable request made by another parent if I was giving a party.

at dd's party next month, all food served will be gluten and dairy free (to accommodate family diets), and I will ask if anyone else has any requirements when I send out the invites.

if a parent dropped a child off and said 'oh, by the way, s/he can't eat xyz, but I have sent a bag of treats/food/whatever - could you make sure s/he has those instead?' then I woudl see absolutely no problem with it - as long as the child was reasonably responsible too After all, I am running a party, and won't have time to hover over the child myself.

BUt I would be happy for another parent to hover - the first time I had to drop dd2 off at a party rather than stay and remind her myself (couldn't stay as had no one to look after dd1), I asked another mum (not the host) if she could keep an eye out at meal time, and make sure dd2 ate stuff from her bag.

I don't think you would sound dotty at all. but it is up to you to try to make sure your child knows what they can/can't eat, and to provide alternatives, imo. a party host (busy with a million other htings) cannot be blamed for a child sneaking a taste of something they like the look of, imo.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. If kids have a special diet their parents will let you know.
I would put on party food that my child likes if it's her party! One time I knew a child was coming who was dairy intolerant so I made the buns with a recipe that everyone could have, they tasted fine and it made it more inclusive. If you know there is an issue with a particular food the easiest thing is to use an alternative. If the issue is really severe (a friend of mine has a son with a severe nut allergy) and she would send him with a 'party' packed lunch, but he was very good at not eating food without checking with an adult first.

The fashion here is for catered parties as soft play/bowling places. I describe dd as having to eat 'strict vegetarian' and although I have offered to send food it is always declined (prob as you pay per head at those kind of places). I generally sat she she isn't a big eater, not true but to take the pressure if her and the host, if she doesn't want to eat much, I don't tend to treat party food as a meal...my kids are to excited to want to eat a meal!

I don't hover, in fact I have only stayed one time in reception as venue was a bit far a traffic bad that day.

Both my kids are drilled to not eat sweets unless they have been checked by me, I frequently through away gelatine containing treats handed out at school and nursery and swap for something else. Dd finds it easier to ask grown ups 'is this vegetarian' rather than halal, as most people have a better idea if veggie. Dd alsoknows to look fir green leaves/'v's on packaging. My ds is only 3 but will ask 'is it halal?' not when out but when I'm serving him food at home

thanks silverfrog thats really helpful especially about providing alternatives to take with her, and I hope if they do get invited to a party the host will be as accommodating as you beamur.
littleducks its really great to hear from someone with the same problem and I will start trying to show DD packets with green Vs on them, I like the terminology 'strict vegetarian' - now I know how to word it! :)

By the age when they may start to be left at parties at school age they will be able to say what they can and can't have themself.

Invites to parties at playcentres usually have a menu to fill in.

I'm sure your child wont be the only child with dietary requirements.

School also only give out treats at hometime eg if a child brings in sweets for his birthday - so you can ok them eating it.