Do you reward your children for chores?

[flashingnose]

I'm struggling to make my mind up on this one atm. DS is 7, pretty helpful on the whole but definitely of an age where he could start to do more, especially regular chores. We also want to start giving him pocket money.

Part of me thinks he should do these chores without reward, just because he's part of the family (and that's what I did as a child). But I can't deny that it would be a darn site easier to motivate him if there was a tangible reward (and let's face it, that's true for most adults). However, I don't want to end up with a situation where he'll only help or do chores if he's being rewarded for it.

I'm like a leaf in a breeze thinking about this and would appreciate any thoughts/experiences .

TIA

I understand that you would like him to do it without feeling like a sort of 'bribe' but if you wanted to give him pocket money how about asking him or getting him to do chores for a few days and bring up the pocket money later on?

I reward my ds 6 with getting to stay up an extra half an hour before bed! He thinks he is very grown up to do 'house work' and stay up just like mum and dad! I wonder how long he will be this innocent for

That's the thing, I don't want to feel I have to bribe him but I'm interested to know how altruistic other 7 year olds are in RL.

My bribes never work! I dont think they are good enough! If you decide to reward I think it has to be by surprise and at a differt time so that they do not expect it, my ds only gets to stay up one night a week fro the chores he does but he never knows when! it keeps him on his toes!

No, don't reward. Basic jobs need to be done so that the house is nice for everyone, and the children need to learn that. Presumably no-one is paying you to make his supper and keep him in clean school uniform?

If mine need extra motivation I point out that if I have to do everything myself I will be tired and grumpy and therefore much less likely to look favourably on requests that involve extra work for me, such as getting the painting things out, having friends to tea or letting them bake flapjacks. They get the idea pretty quick.

I do occasionally pay for jobs that are beyond the call of duty, like cleaning out the airing cupboard when it's got really bad, pairing massive piles of unsorted socks or hoovering out the inside of the car.

Do your kids get pocket money, frogs? Is it in any way linked to behaviour?

I suppose what I'm getting confused about is that we have been using the pasta jar system which is basically all about rewarding good and helpful behaviour, so moving to a "no reward" system seems harsh. Does that make sense?

No!

More info Mars! I always nod when I read your advice on other threads .

but the pasta jar still has it's uses. That's for more general behaviour etc.

Chores are, as frogs says, about being a part of the family. Pocket money is an added bonus of being part of a family. I don't use the kids pocket money as an incentive in any way. I want them to do their chores because they have to. If they don't do chores then the punishment is loss of MSN time, tv time etc. The pocket money is to teach them how to be responsible with money.

It's not harsh. Fact of life. We all have to pull together. After all, they live there too.

Ah thank you, I've got it now. I've been tussling with this for so long - amazing how something so small can make your head hurt .

And you are a wise woman Mars (with fabulous traybake recipes).

glad to help.

Will be trying out a few new traybakes in the next few weeks. Will let you know how they pan out.

My oldest gets pocket money (age 10), ds doesn't (age 6) because he'd either just lose it, or spend it all on sweets. Besides, he hasn't asked for pocket money yet . I don't use pocket money withdrawal as a punishment, although I suppose in the case of very extreme antisocial/irresponsible behaviour I might consider it.

As Mars says, learning about money and learning about chores are two different things. Could you try incentives that don't involve cash? Such as, "if you get x pieces of pasta you can have an extra bedtime story/trip to the park/stay up 30 mins later" (or whatever). That way he gets to reap the tangible benefit of pulling his weight in the household, namely that there is more time for everyone to spend doing things they enjoy.The other problem with linking pocket money to chores is that by Saturday morning you won't be able to remember whether he cleared the table on Tuesday evening or not, resulting in arguments and massive bad feeeling all round.

Chores is about routine, though, as much as anything -- ds has been reponsible for emptying the dishwasher in the mornings since he was 4, so he mostly just gets on with it. In the end they need to learn that certain things need to be done, and that's just how it is. Dd1 does quite a lot for me, particularly in terms of helping with the toddler and running errands to the shops; in turn I'm quite generous with her in terms of privileges and freedom, and yes, occasionally giving her money to buy things I know she wants. But what I'm rewarding is the overall attitude of responsible and considerate behaviour. Paying her 20p every time she put the little ones to bed would feel quite different, and somehow rather demeaning.

Does that make sense?

frogs, thank you for your post - that makes perfect sense. He's always done some chores and is quite good at sorting out his own stuff, but I wanted to step things up a bit (dishwasher idea is fantastic - does he put it all away too??).

All this input has been really helpful .

Yes, fn ds puts the stuff away too. For those things that live in top cupboards he just puts them on the closest part of the worktop. When he started (age 4) I used to take the sharp knives out beforehand, but now he's sensible enough to do it himself. I always put them in blade down, though.

Other tasks that a 6yo can productively do unsupervised are stripping sheets off beds and sorting laundry by colour. Ds is oddly keen on hoovering as well, but I still need to go over it again. So it's more of an educational experience than a direct help for me. But hopefully with practice...

we have just started regular weekend chores for my 4 and 5 year olds. 4 year old emptying dishwasher and 5 year old putting away dry laundry in all the right drawers. they got 20 minutes of tv after doing them - normally they don't get morning tv so they saw that as a treat.

they really like the idea of doing the chores, they're big on "fairness" and everyone sharing.

they also have to tidy up before watching tv or eating dinner.

haven't thought of suitable chore for 21 month old but she is good at fetching shoes and socks.

we have pasta jars too as the others say but not for chores-related things.

aviatrix that sounds interesting please can you elaborate? have not heard of that book.

it sounds interesting, thanks

today i was stacking the dishwasher and dd2 stopped me and reminded me it was her job. we might still be in a novelty phase but the responsibility appears to be the reward for her at present. long may it last....

ds1 has got 3 jobs do to in the morning - straightening his duvet, bringing his cup down and putting pants in the washing box! Far from being rewarded if he does do it, if he forgets he's not allowed to have his breakfast until he's done them!