DS started Pre-School recently - left him today SCREAMING for me not to leave him - any advice

[HellyBelly]

Ds (2.9) had his first proper week of pre-school last week. Just before Christmas he had one morning trial and then last Tues & Thurs were his first 'proper' mornings.

First day (trial day)- he walked into class, sat on the floor with the other children before I could even get his coat off, this was great as the little girl I have (childminder) was very anxious and was in the class next door so I was able to comfort her without worrying about ds.

Last week he was a little less eager to get in but was ok on the Tuesday, on the Thursday he didn't want to go at all but eventually was ok when I spent 15 mins in there with him.

Well, dropped him off this morning, were late due to traffic (was a problem) so took 45 mins instead of 10 mins so he had time to insist even more that he didn't want to go. When we finally arrived he said he didn't want to go but once we were walking, he seemed ok. He rang the bell to be let in and then he wouldn't go in. I had to pick him up whilst the lady held the door open as he was letting all the cold in.

I didn't want to leave him as he starting crying saying he didn't want me to go, but the lady said it's best to just leave him and they'll deal with him. He was SCREAMING "Mummy, don't leave me" as I walked off and I had to ignore it. The mother in me wanted to just take him home but as a childminder, I know that if a mindee cries for their mum, they are absolutely fine as soon as they have left. This is why I left him.

I've been in tears since - should I have left him? Is this normal for them to get so anxious?

yes enid all children are different but the reality is that they will all have to be left at some point. and what of those parents who have to work and have no choice but to put their children into full-time childcare? those children don't have a choice even if they're the type of children who can't cope with being left

Glad he had a good time Hellybelly...
Does he have a keyworker??

Firstly, sorry this ended up being another one of those threads .

They said he WILL have a keyworker. When I drop off on Thursday, I'm going to see the manager to find out how all this works. I wanted to then but it's difficult as I have 2 new children in 2 different classes so I thought it would be best after drop off time.

He seemed very happy sitting on the ladies lap there and didn't look upset with me (believe me, I know my ds and he would make it very clear if he didn't have a good time! )

So pleased he was ok, Helly!

Wannabe, there is actually no law that says you have to send your children to nursery or school, so in theory it is possible to wait until each individual child is ready. I agree with Enid that it is about the personality of each child.

We all know that some parents work and so have to send their children, but we're talking about the ideal situation, which IMO is when we decide when our child is ready according to individual circumstances, not just because "they are 3 and everyone else's child goes".

Just wanted to point out my reasons for sending ds to school was purely down to how I felt about him and I felt he was ready and it would be really good for both of us. Nothing to do with others sending theirs now as he's the oldest in my group of friends. I hadn't read anything, just felt now was the right time

I do feel for parents who have to work and send their children to carers when they don't want to. Some enjoy the break, some find the seperation hell but they have no choice

I agree with Franny and Enid.

My DS took a long time to settle into pre-chool but his pre-school (which incidentally just won an award for being one of the best in the country) encouraged me to stay with him for his sessions (only an hour every day at first) and once he became more confident I gradually left him for longer and longer until he was staying for the whole session.

My DSs pre-school do not advocate the leaving them crying approach as they believe it is their first experience of school so theirs is a softly softly catchy monkey approach.

I could not have left my DS crying at school every day

That said, every child is different and my DS was not the type to cry for 10 seconds and get over it although I have seen a few children taht are like that. I think pre-schools should not encourage parents to go against their feelings though as we do know our kids best.

Just to make my earlier post clear, when I said 3 weeks, she was only doing 2 session per week and the first week was a part week so only one session then, 5 in total, not 15.

Now she cries if she can't go!

Westcountrylass - like your post, it sounds like our place. Dd settled very well, never a bit of bother. When she left I went there as an assistant, then left when I had ds. I started him there at 2.9, and thought it would be a piece of cake. How wrong I was. He wanted me to stay, which I was encouraged to do. After a term of varying degrees of leaving him and him sometimes crying, sometimes not, but never lasting a whole session, they asked me if I would like to come back as an assistant. As soon as I'm there and ds knows I'm not leaving he's totally happy and independent.

Then yesterday I got a call from dd's school saying did ds want a place in their nursery as one had just become available!
Bugger that. He'd never cope! Have asked to be deferred til September (at least)

It is SO hard isn't it?