sick of needing to raise voice at kids!

[Clarebearwiththehair]

Please help! I have 2DDs who are wonderful girls (ages 5 & 8) and I love them to bits. But whenever time gets thin and we need to be somewhere they seem intent on ignoring my reminders about hurrying up. They think everything is hilariously funny all the time (!) But then I end up having to get really stressed out and cross with them - they make us late for everything!

When I do get really cross tho they do respond and hurry, so I know they can do it! But then I'm left nearly shaking, feeling so stressed out, I hardly feel like bothering in the end!

This seems to happen nearly everyday. I'm getting totally sick of it! Just wish they'd do as I ask without me having to get cross!

My ex hubby (of 16yrs) ignored me all the time too, and only ever did things to help if I got really cross! It must be me?! (New partner of 2.5 yrs is wonderful tho thank god!)

Please help!

You sound just like me!!!!!! The trick I tend to use is the 15 mins trick..... What ever time we need to be out for I reduce it by 15 mins. So school mornings everyone HAS to be ready for 8.15 (we're out for8.30) so if anyone is running late you do feel you have a bit of lee-way. Tho in the past I have got dd or ds in the car still in their pj's at this time, to which the have kicked up an almighty fuss then I sent them back in to get ready really quickly(they didn't know they had 15 mins!!!!) and boy did they :)

I agree with giving yourself more time. Set the expectation... 'we have to be ready by x o'clock', give them a clear set of instructions of what has to happen before you can leave, and give the older one the job of clock-watching (presuming the younger one can't tell the time yet). If the thing you have to be at is something important to you, keep giving them a countdown... you've got 15 minutes, 10, 5 etc. ... but try not to be yelling to the point that it's making you distressed. Practice 'loud and firm' rather than 'loud and shaky'.

If the thing is something they want to do... a party or some kind of activity... and they mess around then simply miss it. They may not find it quite so funny then.

I found using a kitchen timer really helpful. Make it a game. Set it and tell them it's set. Then it is a race to beat the timer, and you are not the bad guy.

Thanks everyone for your help!! Sorry to only reply now.... Yes you might have guessed it... I've been too busy!! Story of my life!

I do try to give us all as much time as poss and give clear instructions - sometimes I wonder if I do too much for them though and I've not taught them to think for themselves. I am a teacher so sometimes I help too much I think, or at least I used to when they were younger.

I have tried many of these things, but I think the main thing that really bothers me is the ignoring, laughing and not helping and I've had to teach them, particularly lately, that all this running around is for their benefit and that they're really lucky etc to have so many opportunities and yet they're making mummy sad by not helping... This more than anything else I feel is starting to help. They've definitely been getting better lately.

But thanks for your help... I know you are all right.. I need to try all of these things and not give up!!! I just hope they look after me when I'm old and forgetful!! Maybe I'll enjoy ignoring them a bit! Lol :)

This is me, and hate myself for shouting on a morning.

Goodness me i know exactly what you mean, you really do get to the point of tearing hair out. Yes if I have to be somewhere important I have to to ourselves at least an extra 15 mins to get ready.

I suppose you make sure that whatever needs to be ready/to hand is sorted so you are not hunting round the house, which adds to the stress and chaos. I have also have to use the trick of asking mine to get ready seperately otherwise they stand in the hall arguing and fighting rather than getting shoes on etc

It does get better eventually. Try to be firm and calm. If people are ignorant, they are ignorant (re your ex), it's not you, it's them that need to learn to listen. Good luck!