Help me get into a bed time routine with my 12 week old, and get him to sleep before 2am!

[feelingratheroverwhelmed]

Up to now we've had DS2 in the lounge with us till we go to bed. We struggle to get him to settle in his basket until he is SHATTERED and then he will sleep waking every couple of hours in the night for a feed, whilst swaddled, in a sleeping bag, and with the mattress warmed with a hot water bottle....But that's managable, it's the evenings that are the issue.

In the day I can occasionally get him to sleep in his basket, but mostly he naps in his pram as being pushed around is the only sure fire way of getting him to sleep.

But we now want him to started settling earlier as he clearly needs to. Also we have a two year old,and at the moment DH does his bedtime. That's fine, but I live in fear of having to deal with both of them at this time on my own, it would be nigh-on impossible at the moment!

He doesn;t like to be put down, and still seems to cluster feed throughout the evening though I think it's mainly for comfort. I tried a dummy a few weeks ago but he just spat it out. He is also very awake in the evening, which I know is normal for a baby but he really needs to get to sleep earlier as he gets very overtired.

I feed him to sleep (self settling def doesn't work!), and make sure he's as asleep as he can be, but he will wake up sometimes immediately, sometimes afer 5-10 mins of being put in his basket, whether in the lounge with us or in our bedroom alone. Usually it ends up with DH swinging him in his moses basket around midnight and this wll finally settle him. Or, I have to feed him asleep in bed. But I trying to avoid this as I want to stop having him in my bed as he wants to stay there and I really cannot sleep as I find it really really uncomfortable.

We can't really remember what we did with DS1! But, he always had a bottle of expressed milk at bedtime due to lots oif feeding difficulties from day 1, whereas DS2 is exclusively bf. I intend to start expressing soon but I'm in no hurry, although DH thinks this will solve all our problems [hmmm].

So ,what to do????

Bump?

Co-sleep? Some babies only like to sleep when you're there. A lot of babies take a while before they can sleep on their own

But I really can't sleep with nub in bed with me. I did this for a few weeks but it was really really uncomfortable. Plus, that would mean me going to bed at 7-8 which I really don't want to do!

Do you have the room dark when you feed him to sleep first time? I found a dark quiet room really helped.

The bedroom is dark, and he'll settled for maybe a few mins, then wake up unless it's really really late.

DH and I carry our 12 week old DS in a sling. We are able to do whatever we have to do in the evenings and DS is usually quite content.

Unfortunately, I cannot offer any advice as to what to do after you would like to go to bed. We co-sleep, or rather DH and DS sleep, and I toss and turn!

Good luck!

This worked for my DS - I gave up trying to settle him early in the evening and instead gradually brought his bedtime forward by 15 mins a day, while doing a simple routine - bath, story, feed to sleep. He would still wake every hour or more frequently, and I would just feed back to sleep on our bed (next to cot and pre-rolling so I was confident he wouldn't fall out).

Then, when I was more confident he could attempt self-settling, I switched the feed and the story. He didn't like that at all for weeks, but it did mean he stayed asleep for a good three hours and we got our evenings back. It was easier to stay in the room while he fell asleep, doing shh-pat. Now he's nine months and goes down like a dream most nights. If only he would stay down

He's in his basket in the lounge at the mo wide awake and chatting to himself . He's been asleep but woke up and perked up. Not sure what time we'll get to bed tonight!

We found that being in the lounge was stimulating him and keeping him awake, I was convinced the TV was disturbing him. we used to put him in his moses basket out in the hall for part of the evening and then into the back lounge so he learnt to sleep in a more peaceful environment. We then started the bath bed routine and fed him in his nursery in the dark. I was definitely feeding to sleep at this stage and then he would sleep the first part of the evening in his moses in his nursery. We would then move him in with us at bed time. It took a few weeks but he did get the hang of it. Now any feed between 6pm and 7am I treat as a night feed in the dark with no playing so he knows that bed is bed time.

We started implementing more regular sleep times when DD was about 2-3 months old. We started off doing a set bed time routine at her normal sleeping time (which was 11pm at the time), involving PJs on, story, song, kiss goodnight. We then gradually brought it forward until she was comfortable going to bed at 6.45ish every night. We also tried to keep her into her room as much as possible after bedtime, so she would learn the difference between sleepy time (quiet, dark, no playing) and daytime.

This went very well for 2 years, but she has started to unsettle again when moving from cot to big bed. So we're back to teaching her the difference between night and day again and when she can get up, and when she needs to stay in bed.

Children will follow your lead, so if there is still activity and light everywhere in the house at 2am and they're still getting your attention, how can they know it's sleep time?

I feel for you as have similar prob with DS17w. I have started taking him up around 8-9 and feeding then putting in crib next to bed when drowsey to learn to self settle. Some nights takes 20 min others 2 hours and screaming tantrums. He also often wakes after an hour and wants more food. Will then sleep again and wake at 1am for food regardless of when he fell asleep. We have dim room with no tv. Keep hoping it will get quicker but I now use the time to read my books but would love to get evening back. Keep being told persistance is the key so good luck.

Up until DD was 6 weeks old she was exactly the same as your DS. Being a first time mum I was really worried that it was going to continue on that way, so I took the internet to find out what other people did. Then I got an email from one of the known baby brands about a bedtime routine now she is 6 weeks old. The idea appealed to be hugely because she wasn't going down until middnight at the earliest. As she was so happy and awake at night time we didn't start to put her down until about 9pm. Then the screaming would start every time we tried to put her down. This email claimed that by doing the following: bath, milk, story/lulaby and bed she would in 7 days learn to go to bed. Hallelujia it worked!

The first night we tried it she screamed for 6 hours! We were there the whole time trying to soothe and comfort her, A LOT of b'feeding took place too. The second night the same but only for 5 hours. The next the same for 4 hours and we were feeling pretty grim but hoping for the best. The next time we had smiles through bath time and lots of cooing through story time, we popped her in the crib and she grizzled somewhat, so we played this to her . Within about 20 mins she was asleep. AMAZING! She slept for 9 hours, woke for milk and then slept for a further 3 hours. Providing we followed the above a day time routine also started to emerge, the both seem to follow the other.

I realise now that she was very overtired. SO, in the day as soon as she's awake I look at the time, I know now that she can last between 1.5/2hrs before she NEEDS a nap. Rule of thumb is that she gets up and dressed, feeds for approx 30 mins, will play in her bouncy chair for approx 30 mins on her own bashing her toys. At this point she usually starts to grumble and then I'll play with her for 20 mins or so until she either starts rubbing her eyes or starts to grumble again. At the moment my biggest battle is the crib/car seat, she'll only sleep in her car seat/travel system during the day, so I pop her in that and tuck her up, give her a kiss, tell her I love her and go into another room. The first time I did this I got major grumbles (not crying) for about 10 mins. I popped in after 5 mins, calmed her down and the grumbling got less, I went away and 5 mins later she'd got herself to sleep. She would sleep for anywhere between 1-2hrs. When she wakes we repeat, feed, her play, me play, nap after 1.5/2hrs depending on her behaviour and then she sleeps for around 3 hours, then repeat, feed, her play, me play and then it's bedtime.

Now, this works for us and obviously all babies are different but by pushing through that pain barrier it worked for us. Only downside is that if we don't do one of the above she does find it harder to get to sleep. For example, Friday we went to see great grandparents for the day, Saturday we went and did the food shop and y'day Daddy decided to take her for a walk instead of a play....this did not go down well!!! It took about 3 hours to get her to bed last night. However she slept for 6 hours, woke for an hour and 40 mins and then slept for another 3.5 hours. Now she's up and happy playing and back to normal so nap time very shortly. Fingers crossed she takes to it well. BTW the above song works but we do not play it all the time as we're aware that if we play it she will expect it. That said she mostly self settles, if we follow the routine, the routine which really she seems to have set herself, I think we're just following her signals.

Good luck, it's flipping hard work!

• BTW she's 10 weeks this Thursday.

Just to update you we have put him in crib and let him cry rather than pick him up just shhing and patting back. First night he cried for 7-8min then slept from 11 to 4, last night he cried for about 15 min and slept from 10.40 to 5.20 so it seems to be working. Was hard but lying next to crib I could see crying was temper as I wasn't picking him up and tiredness but thought he cries more than that in the car sometimes and we don't stop to pick him up so will keep trying this.