14wo cries whenever left with DH

[minired]

Wondering if anybody else has experienced the same? Our 14 wo DD just howls whenever she is left alone with DH. It's not immediate, it usually takes about 10 minutes before she realises I'm not around. But she's totally fine with him if I'm in the room, and will look to him for reassurance if in crowded environment.

My DD is ebf, and I will occasionally express milk, but not too often as I still get really engorged if I do too much. My DH has only managed to successfully feed her a handful of times since she has been born, as she really struggles with the bottle. I've ordered some Breastflow teats, which we're really hoping will sort that problem. However PIL have looked after her a couple of times recently, and said she's fine and feeds well with them.

For a multitude of both selfish and non-selfish reasons, I really feel for him. It's really knocked his confidence with her, and he's understandibly starting to withdraw as he doesn't feel he can do anything for her.

Any words of wisdom from those who have been here before? Please tell me it will get better!

Just try and leave her with him as much as possible for short periods of time and then increasing. Make sure she has had a feed so you know she won't need another for at least an hour or so. You can even stay in the house but go upstairs. She is just used to being with you all the time and needs to get used to him

It is dad's job to teach a baby that love also comes without milk. I found expressing a total pita and would not be doing it unless I was getting extra sleep or something.

Even at this age there is plenty a father can do - baths, walk in a sling or with pram, dancing, singing, reading those black and white pattern books (or just download some patterns off the internet). By the time they are 4-5 months they can actually go quite a few hours without milk, especially those that prefer it from the breast will just wait til you get back - occasionally obviously.

He has to relax and not show he is anxious about the situation, comfort her with cuddles, rocking, he will find a way (his own way) to reassure her.

I don't want to sound tactless but he is her other parent and if you were hit by a bus you'd like to know he will manage.

By this age I was no longer bf'ing but I still had this problem with ds. It only lasted a few weeks and we persevered and now he can feed, settle through night and settle for bed. We had to do it because I'm back to work soon. It won't be forever. We never let ds get really upset before I took over again but kept trying whilst i was in the house and it paid off....for now anyway. Good luck.

Ps if you have to leave dc with dh then theres no choice anyway and it will improve with time. Practice when you are around but stay upstairs or in another room in case dc gets too upset.

I like Albrecht's point that love also comes without milk - I think my DD only started to learn this from 18months onwards. She will now happily spend time with DH and her grandparents but there was a looooong time when it was ALL about mummy and mummy's boobs.

My DH felt left out at times but I couldn't be bothered with expressing and DD was never keen to take a bottle.

For the first year - it was my job to look after DD, and Dh's job to look after me!