Mum won't let her child come over because she'll come home 'dirty'

[marykat2004]

My DD told me today that one her best school friends isn't allowed to come over again because she 'comes home messy.' I can't remember if she said 'messy' or 'dirty', but I think I know why..

We had a small Halloween party last October, and this particular child came long very late (double booked), and only stayed half an hour as she also had ballet that day. (We had an inset day so I let DD have a small party, only 4 children). I'm not sure if I knew about the ballet.. but the other girls went nuts on the new arrival with the face paint.

So maybe I should not have let 6/7 year old play with face paint un-supervised. And to be fair the little girl did look a mess. So, I admit that I should have kept a closer eye on the situation...

But is this really a reason not to let your child go to someone's house to play? Because they got a little too covered in face paint? The kid loved it by the way, she is a lovely little girl and enjoyed herself in the short time she was here. And I did try to wash it off when I heard she had to go to ballet straight after...

(of course this is third hand information... maybe her mum didn't say that at all.. mum said, kid said, other kid said... )

She sounds tonto. OTOH you don't know she didn't react to the facepaints (mine do).

It was probably less about the face paint and more about the fact that when Friend's Mum said "where was marykat while this was going on?" she said "not there" or something. It was more likely the perceived lack of supervision (and I'm sure you were around really) than the facepaint, I mean.

Are you on chatting terms with this Mum? Why not simply invite her DD to play and then making a joke about the last time and promising there will be no face paint this time and see what she says.

I tend to go down the line of 'if X would like to come on a playdate, here's a note of our contact details, just suggest a date.' and leave it at that.

Hm... by age 6/7 wouldn't they know if they were allergic? I've met toddlers who are aware of their allergies.

And, yes, I was in the room with them but let them get on with it because they looked like they were having so much fun.

Good idea, last poster. We did try a few playdates in November/Dec for good reasons they didn't work out... maybe I will tell them our free dates... and see what happens as those reasons wouldn't be there now..

oo, I just remembered on Royal Wedding day she was here with her brother, and there was a block party, and there was facepaint then, too. But not what I would call over the top, just flowers and flags, painted on by adults...

She probably went home and wiped her face on a white sofa!

I would not assume you have the story straight. Their may have been some fall out from the girl being covered in paint but it may be that she is extrapolating that she can't come over to play anymore.

Just ask again and see what the mum says

Marykat2004

I wouldn't hesitate my child playing round at yours. My philosophy is: If a child leaves the house clean and comes home dirty, they've had a great time!

Sounds like the mum is over-reacting and a bit of a clean freak. If it was just a simple ballet lesson and obviously a one-off, it wouldn't have bothered me. Maybe the mum was more concerned with what other parents at ballet were thinking ...

I suppose the problem was she had to go from the party to another activity and needed to be cleaned up for it which perhaps the mother had not expected.

If she is one of your dd's best friends, it seems to me worth giving it another go. I would invite the mother and the girl over or ask if you could invite them both to the cinema or something. It doesn't usually take much to fix this kind of thing if you do it fast enough.

And no, a bit of mess is no reason generally to stop your dc going anywhere. Perhaps special clothes were ruined by the face paint? Who knows?

I think pag has it. I assume the mum was a bit cross about the child going to ballet all purple or whatever it was, and now the girl think that means she can't come and play any more.

She sounds just like one of my DD's friends - does ballet at every spare moment, and isn't allowed to play out in the garden in case she gets dirty. My DD feels sorry for her and says she's glad she's got the parents she has because we let her get muddy!
But another time, I'd just make sure you mention to the mum what they'll be doing - if it's likely to be messy, forwarn her so that she can send her DD in clothes that don't matter, or can pull out if she's got to rush to a ballet lesson straight after.

Invite her over and lock her i the laundry basket for the duration.

The case is sol-ved.

Sorry I've been away from MN for awhile... good answers. We've had a few other playdates with other kids. I'm not ruling out this girl coming over again, but at the moment I'll just see how things go... If DD does say she wants this girl round again I'll invite her and say "no facepainting this time" to the mum. I think the child did get a bit spotty after the last time. I'd totally forgotten the royal wedding day also had face painting, but no ballet lesson afterwards... DD seems to have a different 'best friend' every week, so that's sort of good, she has different friends, not always the same ones... so it hasn't been glaringly obvious yet, about whether this friend can or can not come over... also there could be other reasons, like DD being snooty at friend's birthday. Who knows..