not coping very well with two

[stillinpjs]

DS1 is 21mo and DD is 1mo. Title says it all really. DD wants to feed all the time which makes me feel like i'm abandoning ds. .

It will get better and easier, really it will! 1 month is so tiny, but once she gets to 6 weeks she should go longer between feeds and you'll begin to find more time for your DS. And it will be so worth it in the long run. My two are 3.5 and 7 months, so a bigger gap, but the relationship that has developed between them is lovely- they adore each other.

In the meantime, use whatever short cuts you can to get by:
CBeebies is your friend!
Stories while feeding
A box of 'special toys' that only comes out when you're feeding?
Do you have friends/relatives with children that you can visit, so that DS1 is kept entertained while you sit, feed and drink coffee? (Possibly not at the same time!)
Call in any support networks you have, friends, family, partner. Ask them to take the baby for a walk while you spend some time with DS. Or they could do something fun with DS while you and the baby nap.
Depending on what games/toys your DS is into, you might be able to 'play' a little while feeding.

It will get easier. And you don't have to abandon DS- he will quite like it if you sit next to him on the sofa and snuggle up with a film and surreptitiously mumsnet You can also do an awful lot of things one-handed while breastfeeding- read him a book, play cars, do sticking. It gets easier!

Also playdates if you can handle it- he can play with friends and you can drink coffee and have a chat.

My best tip is to get DH to make your lunch the night before so all you have to do is grab it out of the fridge. And cook really easy evening meals- fresh pasta, jacket potatoes etc. And don't worry about housework!

Congrats on your new baby!

It will get easier. And you don't have to abandon DS- he will quite like it if you sit next to him on the sofa and snuggle up with a film and surreptitiously mumsnet You can also do an awful lot of things one-handed while breastfeeding- read him a book, play cars, do sticking. It gets easier!

Also playdates if you can handle it- he can play with friends and you can drink coffee and have a chat.

My best tip is to get DH to make your lunch the night before so all you have to do is grab it out of the fridge. And cook really easy evening meals- fresh pasta, jacket potatoes etc. And don't worry about housework!

Congrats on your new baby!

It gets better. My dd1 2.5 now likes to help bath DD1 5 months and get her toys etc. In the early days when DH was in I would get him to take DD2 for a walk in the pram or put her to bed whilst I spent a bit of one on one time with DD1.

thank you. its been made so much harder as at 8 months pregnant we relocated 250miles from all our family and friends. i've got nobody but dh here. ds, although gorgeous, has the attention span of a gnat, so books whilst feeding work very limitedly. I like the idea of a special feeding time toy box though.

It really does get easier and although you may never quite forgive yourself for having a second baby and 'abandoning' ds, in a year or so when they are best best friends, the clouds will part, the sun will come out and you will clearly see why you did it. I promise.