Etiqutte - taking younger sibling along to party

[nearlytherenow]

Just wondering if there's a generally accepted age at which it is not really OK to bring a younger sibling along to a party to which they have not been invited? Maybe at about 18 months / when they would expect to be inlcuded in food / games etc?

Just pondering this as DS1 (3) was recently invited to a party, and DS2's name was not on the invitation (DS2 is 8 months old). The birthday child was a friend of DS1 and I would have no expectation of DS2 being formally invited. However (without even thinking about it) I took DS2 along with me - DH was out playing sport so nobody at home to leave him with - and another mum (not the host) commented (with a catsbum face on) that she didn't realise that younger siblings were invited, and had gone out of her way to find a babysitter for her 14 month old DS. Now I didn't really think there was any issue with taking along a baby? He can't even crawl so didn't want a shot on the bouncy castle and isn't really at the eating sausage rolls and party rings stage. In fact I held him more or less all of the time, so he wasn't even taking up floor space! Was I out of order? I'm fairly sure I wasn't, but am now wondering at what age this would be unacceptable.

The other mother was being stupid.

I always had to take a younger sibling along to any party DS1 was invited to. I simply took a packed lunch for DS2 and ensured he didn't interfere. Everyone did this kind of thing.

Of course you took your 8mo with you...the other mum was being daft.

I expect younger siblings to potentially appear at DS's parties, with no particular age limit and to potentially need feeding/entertaining/a balloon at the end (depends on how magnanimous I'm feeling ).

yanbu. Other mother crazy.

If they are just there and you are holding them, it is fine. You wouldn't expect them to join in if they hadn't been invited. It isn't a problem for long-by 5yrs you can just leave your DC at the door and go home.

I always allow for the potential of siblings arriving and cater for extra mouths and party bags.

If its me attending I phone,explain I've got no one else avaliable to look after sibling,and is it OK to bring them along.Never had a no,and it does give the partygiver a bit of notice of numbers.

I don't know anyone who would object to siblings if there's no one else to look after them.

But its also up to all of us to be fair on each other.I wouldn't take uninvited sibling if there WAS someone (eg DH) at home to look after them.

As for an 8 mo.For Goodness Sake - who else is that going to affect? No need to even ask IMO so ignore catsbum face Mum.

The other mother was being nuts. I think babies are fine - it's only a problem where the younger uninvited sibling is of an age where either they want to join in or the host parents might feel bad/guilty about them not joining in.

What's not OK is dumping your 4 year old at a party to which her 7 year old sister has been invited "because she really really wanted to come" and then legging it home. I still can't even look at the mother responsible and this was 2 years ago.

I think 14 months would have been too old if uninvited but if a parent asked I'd be totally happy for a 14mth to come. 8 months is totally fine (without asking). At 14months the child would have wanted to crawl/ walk and be into everything but as you say, the 8mo was happy to be carried.

Non-eating, non-crawlers fine. Anything else requires some communication between parents.

Good to know I haven't committed a major toddler party faux pas, but will keep in mind the need to communicate if I ever have to do this again with a bigger DS2!