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How much time do you spend with your 10 year old?

9 replies

TicketToRide · 06/01/2012 16:07

I have 2 children, eldest is very independant and a solitary creature.
DS2 is 10 and seems unable to entertain himself. I feel like I still have to "Play" with him like I did when he was 5. He's constantly wanting me to "watch him" on his xbox, "watch him" play with his wrestling figures, "watch him" on the trampoline. I'm trying to study for an exam at the moment and I constantly feel guilty that I don't spend enough time with him but other 10 year olds I know don't seem to need this level of involvement from their parents.

He doesn't have friends nearby which could be a problem (he has one who comes around to play once, sometimes twice a week but that's it).

How much time do YOU spend with your 10 year old?

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TicketToRide · 06/01/2012 16:09

To be honest he's 11 in a few weeks so is probably more 11 than 10 iyswim. Quite babyish for his age though. I'd say his emotional age is more 7/8 which is why he finds it difficult to make friends I think. The one lad who does come over is actually a 13 year old with special needs (again, younger mentally, acts more like an 8 year old).

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2kidsintow · 06/01/2012 20:00

Not a lot....she needs enticing out of her room sometimes. She's always been an independent young lady from the start and has always enjoyed her own company.

I still do the school pick up a couple of times a week when I am not working as I have a younger DD and we chat on the way home. I also have the holidays with them and make sure that we have a lot of days out so we spend time together then too.

She's pretty good at spending time playing with her sister too.

The rest of the time, she likes her own space to write her stories and play on her DS/PC/watch her DVDs and listen to the radio (sometimes all at once!) She doesn't have many friends who live nearby and because she is at the CM's house several days in the week and her friends go to their grandparents for childcare, it is only at the weekends that she may go out with a friend.

She likes to go out with me or my DH without her sister in tow sometimes and enjoys chatting in the car.

She is looking forward to high school next year where she can walk home with her friends daily and let herself into the house for the hour before I'll be back from work, but I'm holding onto the time I have with her being happy to spend her time with us as long as possible.

fruitshootsandheaves · 06/01/2012 20:05

Not much, mine is often watching his older brother shot things on the PS3 unsupervised. But he is very good at entertaining himself and loves his Lego.

He is quite noisy whilst playing though. He talks to himself and is often both sides of a war. It's always a war with lots of Pow, pwahh, oww, uhh, Get Down Get Down, Incoming!! Exploding bombs and reloading gun sounds.

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BackforGood · 06/01/2012 20:23

Not a lot (in terms of playing, anyway). She's learned that if you keep your head down and Mum is MNing busy, she might forget you are still up and then she gets to stay up later Blush.
She's pretty good at entertaining herself or spending time with her sister. In holidays and the like she will quite often have a friend round, but not much in term time. She will give me the occasional 'concert' (= guitar or piano practice, but if I listen and comment, more will be done), and she likes it when it is just the two of us, but this is often walking to and from things after school, but it's a good time for "just us" chat.

TicketToRide · 06/01/2012 22:17

This has made me feel a bit better. He seems so clingy but I think maybe he's just lonely. Tonight for instance I'd just sat in bed to revise for my exam and he came in, got in bed with me and asked me to put YouTube on as there were some funny videos he wanted to show me. This isn't normal for a lad of his age is it?

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Olympias · 06/01/2012 23:49

It sounds from your description that your DS is an extrovert.
If so, his craving for company has very little to do with age or lack of independence. Extroverts must be around other people most of the time to be happy and well functioning. Think about it - when he has someone else to play with, does he cling to you?

carrotsandcelery · 06/01/2012 23:58

My dd is nearly 11 and it varies a lot. Somedays she wants to be on her own and other days she even follows me when I get in the bath and sits on the floor to chat while I try to read my book in the bath. If she is drawing she is keen that I look at what she has done. If she is playing with the dog she likes me to see what she has taught him. If she is making something she likes me to help and so on.

If she is in that sort of mood I make a point of doing something concrete with her for a certain amount of time and then I let her spend time by herself. If she keeps looking for attention I say, "We have done X, now I need time to do Y. When I am finished we can do Z."

Then if she keeps pestering me I feel I have to get a bit firmer and claim my own space.

It does make me feel guilty though as she is a bit lonely as she is having trouble with her friends at school just now.

As you say sometimes just spending time alongside you is enough.

Does your ds go to any clubs or groups or activities? It might help him to meet someone with similar interests to him who he could invite round to spend time with him.

pictish · 07/01/2012 00:01

This has made me feel a bit better. He seems so clingy but I think maybe he's just lonely. Tonight for instance I'd just sat in bed to revise for my exam and he came in, got in bed with me and asked me to put YouTube on as there were some funny videos he wanted to show me. This isn't normal for a lad of his age is it?

My boy is 10 and he does this. I think it's fine....doesn't bother me at all! I'm not studying for an exam mind you...but I certainly don't find that abnormal in any way! He's a gregarious, affectionate soul and I think it's really nice!

southeastastra · 07/01/2012 00:07

10 year old are put through so much pressure nowadays

i rememeber 10 being a fantastic age in 1980, we just didn't have the adult led pressures kids have to cope with now :(

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