How do you stop your self stressing out when they don't eat?

[choceyes]

I find it really hard and get upset about it. My DD does not eat a lot and will happily skip meals and make up for it with BF when I am there. She eats well at nursery though. Some days she will eat Okish, and some days like today she had only a breadstick (it is gone 2pm now), but a couple of BF too. She is fine, full of energy, not skinny, developing normally, happy etc. Yet I still worry.

Any tips or advice? Does everyone else worry too, if they have "bad" eaters?

Forgot to say, she is 16 months old. She is good at eating fruit and veg, fills up on avocado if she doesn't fancy a particular meal, so she is eating healthily, but small amounts and is unpredicable and inconsistent in her eating patter. NOw that does sound like a typical toddler though doesn't it!

One good tip is to look at what they eat broadly across a week rather than day by day. Many adults even have days when they eat much more than other days.

She eats fruit AND veg?!! Ace!

If she's still getting a substantial amount of breastmilk, and is continuing to grow okay, I'm sure everything's fine.

But I know what you mean, I stress over my DD's eating too, it's hard not too sometimes!

She won't starve herself.
I am very relaxed about things like this, dunno why, I get worried about other stuff instead.

Does she have any favourite foods you can offer after a meal? My DD is not a good eater at all. I offer her several foods at each meal in reverse preference. So for example, proper meal, followed by oatcakes, then fav fruits, yogurt, then banana and raisins. If she doesn't eat the raisins I know she really isn't hungry and make sure she is then offered plently of milk.
Sometimes it just becomes apparent she does not really fancy the meal I have given her (despite eating it in the past) and devours a banana after sitting for 20 mins playing with her food.

It does not sound like your DD is a bad eater at all! I think toddlers need a lot less food than we sometimes think they do!

The one thing that stopped me stressing over Ds's eating habits was when he got so bad he would eat nothing but yoghurt, I got so desperate I was trying to force food down him. He was only 9 months at the time, and I realised then that if he didn't want to eat I couldn't make him, it just upset both of us.

Since then I have backed right off, and taken the attitude that he can take it or leave it, his choice not mine. He sounds very similar to your DD, eats a good range of things, but varies hugely in how much, some days he seems to hardly stop eating, other times he will seem to hardly eat anything for a few days. He is now 4, and eats really well.

yeah she will eat a fair amount one day (still not huge amounts) and then hardly anything the next day. I just have to trust her that she knows her own appetite. This morning she wanted nothing but breadsticks, but this afternoon she had half a banana and avocado whilst in the buggy, a bit of pear and a few pine nuts when we got home.

I guess I just get a bit frustrated when she doesn't eat her meal at the table (I have a 3yr old as well so mealtimes can get difficult when she doesn't want to sit down and then the 3yr old copies her etc etc) but will snack later.

Mine have been under a dietician for slow weight gain when they were toddlers.
We were always told to look at it over four or five days. They will eat when they are hungry.
Toddlers are excellent at regulating their intake.

I know toddlers would rather snack than eat at mealtimes, but DS was like this and even now eats as much in snacks as he would at mealtimes. I guess it's us adults that have this notion of 3 big meals a day.

True enough, some toddlers are habitual grazers, no doubt about it. I guess if they're grazing on healthy stuff, then that's okay.

I wish my DD ate things like avocado...

My 18 month old DD hardly eats at all some days but like others have said children won't starve themselves and she lets me know very firmly when she is hungry.
If you're happy to keep BF to make up the difference then her nutritional needs are being met.

InmaculadaConcepcion - My DD and DS are polar opposites in their food tastes. DS wouldn't even touch avocado, broccoli, cucumber etc and DD loves them. DD isn't too keen on meat though, although will eat mince. They both love salmon.

Mystifying, choceyes, that children can be so opposite when (presumably) they've been weaned in more or less the same way etc etc....

I hope with a second DC that s/he happily troughs anything put in front of them, one fussy eater in the family is quite enough....

Choc, little children do this. (Eat for days and then not so much). I think that it is linked to their growth spurts.

Please, please try not to worry, and for heaven's sake DO NOT turn it into a control issue or power struggle.

The question is: does she play?

If she does, she is getting more than enough nutrition over from growing. Only starving children are listless! (A quote from a health visitor)

Regarding the stress, could you sit down and work out what it is you fear? Could it be, that you put your love into preparing food and on some 'lizard brain' level see her not eating as a rejection?

When your children are older and are in less danger of choking, here is my top tip (for stopping the conflict/control): calmly put them at the table, calmly put their meal in front of them, then LEAVE THE ROOM. Seriously. Take yourself away from the arena of anxiety.

I would also like to add that when we force our children to override their 'full' signals and to continue to eat past being full, we are actually teaching them how to be fat. Think about it.

When my children were small, and had friends over for tea, this is what I would do (leave the room). My friends would be amazed at 1. how much and what their picky children ate, 2. how calm everything was.

The answer of course, is there can't be a battle, if there is no battle to be had.

I had and continue to have the same problem with DS. Firstly, toddlers need less than you think, especially if not having a growth spurt. Secondly they make up for it on other days, DS tends to eat on alternate days. Thirdly, if they are hungry they will eat. Fourth, don't offer alternatives. I offer dinner, if he doesn't eat he doesn't eat. Definitely agree with abitwobbly about not getting involved in a battle.

For my sanity I only give small small portions (waste upsets me), then if he finishes it he can have something else. I also make a freeze home made ready meals in large batches, usually about 8 portions at a time. Tried and tested nutritionally balanced favourites (fish pie, spag bol, cottage pie, chicken casserole). I do a batch of something every 2 weeks or so, so I rarely run out and there is always a variety available. DS's meals are quite repetitive, but I know he gets what he needs.

How not to stress: it's always good to think that if you make a big deal out of it, then it will become an even bigger deal. Ds1 was always a bit of a funny eater, but it totally kicked off when I had twins (a month before he was 3). He hardly ate for a few months and became extremely thin/ small for his age. I now realise how he used food as a control/ attention thing and still sometimes does. I remember once he went for the best part of a week without eating, and finally ate some crisps. Friends of mine stress about eating which seems quite fine to me and I want to say, "Don't give your kid a complex or a weapon?". Without me making too much of a big deal out of it (for the past 4 years, I'd say), I think he is finally growing out of it now (he's 6). Today he ate masses. It still pleases me enormously when his appetite is good, but try not to show it too much!!! He's also been back on track for his size and weight, though still slim.

I used to fret about this, but now I say to myself that it's just a blip and that as long as they are drinking water then they will be fine x

I also do the walking away sometimes. I leave my DH to sit at the table and I go upstairs, if I am particularly stressed about it and she's been refusing to eat all day, so by dinner time I am a bit frazzled. Even if she doesn't eat, she's not not eatign in front of me, so I it's a bit better!

DS was weaned purely bLW, no spoon feeding at all, but he was great at it. Although he did turn out to be fussy from around 18 months - 2.5yrs, now he is eating OK (although veg is still refused most times, unless it's peas or carrots). DD was very slow to start eating properly. I started BLW but she just didn't eat much, so I started spoon feeding, and she didn't like that either! Basically it's been hard to wean her, and I constantly worry she is not eating enough - although she has got bags of energy and she does eat when she wants to, so she does know when she is hungry and wants food - it just doesn't seem to coincide with meal times much!

Choc you sound as though you are doing so well, and your children eat so healthily.

Remember the anxiety over eating is really about you. Its that whole self-awareness thing that we must strive for if we aren't going to load our kids with the same ^&*( that was done to us.

Remember also that they are at the vital stage where they are learning autonomy and exploration (I am separate...). She wants to put HER food into HER mouth all by HERSELF. Way to go! Exactly right.

They aren't starving! Not with the healthy range you describe they eat. Remember to feed full fat milk, yoghourt butter and cream (petit felous etc are good).

Why? Because at this stage the part of the human body that is growing the fastest is the BRAIN. The brain consists of bundles off nerves, all sheathed in.... FAT. A small child's diet should actually be up to 30% fat.

No low-fat meusli stuff for kids! That is adult requirements, not childrens.