Ok,so the cheek has begun what have you found works to discourage it.

[ledkr]

DD is nearly 10 and over the last few weeks has become incresingly cheeky and backchats a lot.

If i tell her to stop doing something she does it one more time,has an answer for everything,sometimes refuses to do what i ask her to do eg. brush her hair amd even worse she sometimes speaks to me in a contemptuous manner often with a raised voice

Im hardly a novice,i have 3 grown up sons and am fairly strict.We have a lovely relationship otherwise and she is a nice child its just this.

I need a plan of action and thought here would be a good startting point.

She has a phone but hardly bothers with it,doesnt watch much tv or have regular pocket money so im struggling with sanctions/rewards.

i too have a 10 yr old daughter, i also have a 13yo boy and i find boys much easier. Unfortunately my dd is very much like me, very head strong and opinionated and dare i say stubborn. Ive used grounding, taking things away ie..her ds, tv, and sent her to bed earlier than normal...ive taken everything out of her room b4 now..and made her sit in a room with nothing to do but think about her behaviour..and usually that results in a sorry. But she doesnt get the stuff back till the following day or longer if she persists..which she can do at times. And ive found that its not worth trying to reason or argue with them when they are in that state of mind. Just sent them to there room and allow them to think about it. Is there anything that she does enjoy that you can use and is there anything that the 2 of you can do together when she is behaving as you would like her to. Unfortunately my 10 yo dd has already started her periods and her boobs are starting to form so we have the usual strops around that time of the month.

Thanks.
She is a skinny malinky no sign of puberty as yet so dont think its that.
I have to agree that yes she is very like me,in fact i have become a vile shouty Mum and am trying really hard to reverse that as i know its not helping at all.
She does love her dance classes but they are expensive and she is very good at it so im reluctant to ban that,she does brownies too.
Today she was cheeky on the way home.I tried to explain that she was pushing the pram to close to the edge of the path and she snapped at me.I tried to explain again but she had attitude then and was sighing and sayinf "yes ok" in that sullen voice. I told her she couldnt go to the park as she had planned with a friend.
I also agree boys are easier and i also have a dd2 11 months so have arough few years ahead i think

me too hun i have 2 boys and 2 girls the younger 1 is 6 atm so i got to go through again too. So hard sometimes to know how to handle things..in the end all we can do is our best and try muddle through it..ive made some huge mistakes with mine but thankfully they are reversable and i too have become shouty and also trying to work on it..it is hard though with you have a child that will not listen to simple instructions and argues everything from brushing teeth to bedtimes and curfews!!! arghhh hoping it gets better

when you have..spelling mistakes too

Thanks.

It was the other day that she reminded me that "other Mums" dont shout at their children when they wont sleep" I know they do of course (dont they) but it did make me feel bad.I also think she sounds alot like me when she is being angry
Have manged not to shout for 2 days now but she hasnt been too bad tbh.
I juat asked her to stop doing something and i get the sarky"sorrrry" grr she actually said "whatever" to me 3 times over the xmas hols.I warned her that that was the way to certain life long grounding.

Mine still gets sent to sit on the step (our bottom stair) if she being naughty/cheeky. Usually however, we just correct her cheeky answer to a more polite version if she was just getting the tone of her reply wrong and then follow it up with a "Sorry Mum." which she then has been trained has learnt is a clue for her to repeat as an apology.

Seems to be working so far.

What I find more difficult is that my 10 yr old DD seems to think she is a comedian and has to say funny things and come up with funny replies all the time. Others think she is funny and clever with her quick wit - I'm just fed up of it.

haha,i get that too,tis tres annoying,especially as its not even that funny when you are with it day in day out. I have 3 grown boys who think she is the cutest thing so she has her own fan club

Nothing works, you just have to ride it out!

Can I suggest something a bit wierd?

In a time of calm, where there is no conflict, tell her the story of her birth. What she looked like when she came out, how you held her, how you felt, what a tremendous gift she was after ?3 boys. Tell her how lucky you are to have such a wonderful D.

Hopefully the story will end in a cuddle. After this, find every little thing you can to praise her (you are such a good dancer, you got up so well this morning, thank you etc.).

I had a terrible R with my D and was terrified that I was repeating the pattern with my own mother. Turns out just like you we were in a triangle where I was trying to give rules and being undermined by doting Dad and older brothers.

I know it is so hard to stay calm when they are pushing your buttons, good luck.