Overprotective Parenting? Or just keeping baby safe?

[Spearshake]

My18 month old boy loves climbing on the coffee table, the sofa, etc, and then either steps or flings himself off. My friends claim that he wouldn't do this if I wasn't around, but I am too worried to try out their theory! As a result, I am starting to feel a bit like a helicopter mum, flapping out around the poor boy and not letting him explore. But, I want to keep him safe. He is otherwise v. independent, and often runs off exploring which obviously I let him do. Does anyone have this experience?

Mine does this and I stop him.
Tbh it's nothing to do with being overprotective, it's more about teaching that there is a time and a place for climbing, and the furniture is not it. Fine to let them explore, but I don't want to let him think something is ok now at 2 which is going to be a problem as he gets bigger.

If he wants to climb, go to the swings or soft play, get a mini slide, let him jump off steps and small Walls in the park etc?

He's 18 months old. He will do it if you're not around. Some of the really dim ones (my DD2 included), will do it repeatedly even if it means they keep hurting themselves.

Trust your instinct, and keep doing what you're doing. It's not helicoptering at all!

Your friends really think that you should leave an 18 month old to fling themselves off the furniture? Do they have children themselves? I don't think trying out their theory would be a good idea at all. At 18 months they are at that dangerous stage where they are very mobile, with no sense whatsoever and they do need watching like a hawk! Do you tell him off for climbing on things? He needs to start to learn what he is and isn't allowed to do, and eventually you will be able to let him get on with it a bit more. In the meantime I would ignore your friends advice, unless you want a lot of trips to hospital!

I am pretty relaxed when it comes to letting DD do stuff - but standing on furniture, jumping on the sofa or sitting on the coffee table are all Not Allowed.

Exploring and investigating is fine - sitting back whilst he falls off the coffee table is not. I am at your friends - do they have children at all, or do they have older children and have forgotten that 18mo children are generally not very good at landing safely or balancing on anything remotely unstable?

I can kind of see her point, my kids are a lot more wound up and hyper when I'm in the room but I have an open plan house so have kind of tested that theory and there's no great difference whether you're there or not. ds1 never behaved like that but ds2 has always climbed and stood on anything he can climb up onto. He's only recently discovered jumping off as he prefers to use high surfaces as a stage for singing and dancing.

I try not to let them on the sofa unless they are sitting to read or sit quietly doing something. it's not too early to teach him boundaries. i expect a level of climbing and falling with 3 boys but tell them off for climbing on hard surfaces like our t.v unit, and we have a corner of the room that's blocked by the sofas which they aren't allowed to climb into. we also have a small slide and a trampoline in the playroom so i can tell them to go climb/jump on those instead of the furniture!

Do your friends have children this age? Do they have children who climb? I'd guess not. At 18mo he has no idea whatsoever about it being dangeous. He could learn, but only by getting hurt. And even then he'd probably keep doing it, because they don't have any filter between "I feel like doing X" and doing it, and won't for quite a while yet (even at school age, children regularly run into he road to get to ice-cream vans because they don't stop to think)

Keep looking after him - he'll do it if you're there or not, and it'll be you and not your friends telling the A&E doctor that it seemed fine to just let him throw himself off the furniture.

DS3 (15 months) is a frighteningly daring climber, worst one so far without a doubt, I let him get up on the sofa but clearly tell him no and get him down if he climbs onto furniture e.g. coffee table, tv cabinet, bay window.

For me there are 2 issues, firstly safety, IMO children don't always learn not to do something because it hurts, in fact mine will often go straight back and do it again.

Secondly teaching what I think is appropriate behaviour, for me climbing on furniture is a no no.

mine does it and I let him... (telling myself that it is great and safer in the long run for him to become better at climbing and balance).

We have no sharp corners (no coffeetable) though. Just the sofa, and a corner table between the sofas.

You're right to watch him, as everyone else as said they have no fear at this age so don't understand what could happen when they fling themselves off.

17mo DD is a climber and I must confess that I do let her climb on the one table but that is largely down to laziness on my part as she uses the table as a platform to look out of out sitting room and watch the horses which stops her running riot for 5 minutes. Jumping on the sofa or other furniture is not allowed though.

You would be surprised what people let their kids do - I know one mum who lets her 18 month-old slide down the stairs himself (no stairgates at all). And he's being doing that for a while now. It just seems crazy to me. I can't imagine being that relaxed.

But it is reassuring to know from reading your replies that I seem to be in the majority in my attitude to baby's safety, and hence that I'm not neurotic.

The bottom line is probably this : trust my instincts. (Hmmm, sometimes easier said than done!)

I think it's also different for different children though, as some are complete nutters and some are worryingly sensible (I have one of each!), and physical development also varies so much.

So your friend might also be trusting her instincts re her 18 month old on the stairs, as he's fairly competent and/or sensible. Just shows why we shouldn't judge other mums, and vice versa - should rely on our own instincts re our dcs, rather than other people's comments.

My 20 mo climbs repeatedly up onto the nursing chair in his room. DH insisted this was 'fine' and I was ott constantly picking him off furniture. Last night, he fell - managed to split his lip on the way down - massive screams! he's not climbed up this morning but I'll only give it a couple more hours. My helicopter arms are firmly attatched but i still can't seem to catch him every time.

I think it depends of the personality of your child tbh - and you know your son best. I tend to apply a mental 'could this result in a trip to A&E' type test and if the more likely outcome is a bruise let my kids get on with it. But they are naturally quite cautious and only need to get hurt once to learn to be more careful.

My nephew however is a reckless adventurous child. Without careful supervision he would have seriously injured/killed himself a long time ago. His parents still keep a close eye on him (he is 9) and I don't blame them a bit

I have an adventurous DD who is just 2 years old. She will climb anything. It's not good teaching them not to climb on the furniture if they're going to do it if you're out of the room. Our attitude is to let her climb whatever she wants to climb whilst we are there so that she learns her own limits. It's worked as she knows when things are too difficult to climb up and which ones she can manage. For instance, she will climb down the GPs stairs (easy with a gentle turn) but not the stairs at home as she knows that they are too difficult for her at this stage.

I am sitting on the fence there.
I don't have a problem with an 18 months old climbing on the sofa or 'slidding down' the stairs (on their front).
I do have a problem about climbing on the furniture.

but then it depends how your child too. I know of one child who would climb on the worktop in the kitchen by the strength of his arms only. This was dangerous both because of the height and because of all the things you can find on a kitchen worktop. He obvioulsy needed to be stopped from climbing any furniture at all (I could imagine him climbing on the top of a tall bookcase for example).
Other children aren't as keen on climbing and would stop much before that.

See how your child is and whatever he is climbing on could result in serious harm or not. For me a bruise or a split lip isn't a major issue (dc2 did that just walking). But a broken bone from falling from the top of a cabinet is.

DD1 would climb anything from before she could walk.
She was an incredibly good climber, she didn't fall. Unfortunately this meant she could get herself in positions where had she fallen she would really have hurt herself. She simply had to be watched and followed about and taken to the park as ouch as possible.
I'm a horrible strict parent, who shouts and smacks occasionally, but the climbing was compulsive. If it could be climbed it would be climbed.
DD2 is the total opposite, she climbed much less, but with absolutely no due care an attention so she did attempt things she couldn't manage and get in a mess.
If you turn you back on her she'd be playing with her toys, not half way up the book case. She also doesn't fiddle with everything like her big sister.

What spagbolagain said

I let mine stair slide as soon as they discovered it, and stairgates sometimes down by 16-18 months.
Flinging selves off of furniture is quite different, but also depends on the landing zone, what that's like. Flinging onto pillows generally fine, flinging onto quarry tile floor a bit different.