I am rubbish of deciding on consequences

[Dancergirl]

I find the whole discipline thing very, very hard...maybe because my own mum was too soft and I had very few boundaries. I used to nag and nag and eventually she would snap and shout for hours or hit me. So I am determined to do a better job.

I have 3 dds aged 10, 8 and 4. Mostly their behaviour is ok but I have days when I think I am raising spoilt children who don't listen to me. There's a fair bit of nagging that goes on (from me that is): come to dinner, get in the bath, get out the bath, tidy up, get ready for school etc. I'm sure that's all quite normal but I was talking to a friend today and her children are very well disciplined. She said for every action there should be a consequence. But I never know what consequences to impose or how bad they have to be to get one.

I find getting the balance right hard. Either I'm too soft or ocasionally I decide this is it, time to toughen up when my dds get very confused because I'm not like their mummy!

AT not of!

I think it works best when the consequence just follows obviously - if they don't come to dinner, theirs sits on the plate getting cold, and they'll have to put up with that. Getting ready for school - you take them in still in their pyjamas, carrying their shoes, without the stuff they need. If you have to "make up" a consequence, then it isn't really a consequence, it's just plain punishment. Which is fair game too, but best kept to only a few most important rules not just for everything that is irritating.

The problem with the meal thing though is that mine probably wouldn't care if they eat a cold meal. But I think if someone's gone to the trouble to cook you a meal, it's only good manners to come when you're asked. It's that sort of thing I want to implement.

my 3 are slightly younger than yours, eldest is 7 but what works for us is a timer. I use 5 minute setting on kitchen timer as a warning for everything ie getting dressed, meal, bath etc then they hear the bell. Hence no instant commands but if they dont act upon timer then there is always a consistent consequence but is rarely needed because they have the warning and know that I always follow through.