Are all young children this selfish?!

[LittleMissWhinge]

Dd (8) has always been difficult but this weekend she has really pissed me off.

Long story short. New Years eve we were having a little get together at a friend's house. Friend supplied buffet type food, we took drinks and desserts. All was going well until ds (14) took ill, it was pretty scary and I thought there was a chance he would need to go to hospital at some point, so I cut the evening short as I knew there'd be less chance of getting a cab after midnight and my home is closer to the hospital.

Got home after being ripped off by the cab driver, on and off the phone to NHS and the emergency doctor. Dd is moaning that "they've got all our chocolate stuff now". Then she's moaning that the cap on her juice has broken and I should go get another one (by this time 1am New Year's Day). She spent the rest of the night with my mum while ds and I spent most of it in A & E and on the ward. I had to come back in the morning to sort the animals out but went back to the hopital later. We got back last night totally shattered and when I collected her she whinged that she wanted to go back to nan's. She then announced to her brother that she hated him as he was ill and getting all the attention. To try and cheer her up (and give me a break!) her nan said that after ds's test in the morning we'd all have breakfast at her house and dd could stay the night. Unfortunately that plan went out of the window as ds and I were stuck at the hospital again until the afternoon. We came back still shattered, (ds unhappy after his scare) and said we'd have breakfast with them tomorrow instead. Mum said she'd collect dd about 4pm and dd threw another massive strop because ds and I weren't coming (we'd hung on as long as possible but had eaten at the hospital in the end and weren't hungry), we just wanted to chill out at home really.

I'm probably being unreasonable, it's been an awful New Year and I just dont really need her usual shit on top of it

Sounds like she needs some one on one positive attention from you.

And yes small children are selfish, mine are too. Drives me potty...

Small children also worry about stressful events/illnesses, perhaps this is how it's coming out. Agree with pp, sounds like she needs some positive attention, the situation must have been really stressful for everyone.

I agree with Bec, unexpected illness/events do worry small children, but they are essentially selfish. A few weeks ago ds1 gashed his head open, requiring a trip to A&E, dd (older) was marvellous with him whilst he was panicking and we were getting to the hospital, her prime target once he was safe and being seen to was however the vending machines .

I think she was just missing you and feeling unsure, give her lots of reassurance and attention I reckon.

Hope your DS is recovering. If your DD had been the one who was ill, she would have had the attention but guess that her brother would have been more understanding, being older. This is a hard one - your DD has needs but she also needs to know when someone else's needs must come first. Agree she may need some positive attention but you have needs too. Try setting an alarm, starting with a few minutes but increasing the time, when she is not to ask you for anything at all (emergencies excepted and asking for juice etc is not an emergency) but is to entertain herself.

I think the answer is yes - but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be teachng them that it's wrong!

I don't think they are ever too young to learn to think about other peoples needs and while I agree that she may have felt left out and lacking in attention, she is old enough to be told that sometimes other people have needs that are more urgent than hers at the particular time and she just has to deal with it.

Yes normal, 6 year olds don't have the emotional maturity to put any one else's needs first.

Staying at Gran's was the best solution but she was also separated from you and her DB. She may have felt excluded and as if she was just a nuisance. A bit of acting up would be normal. Hope DS is OK. And you too of course.

When I was about her age (40 years ago) my parents were taking me to get some new shoes. On the way out the door my mum fell and although not badly hurt felt she couldn't go shopping. When I saw her sitting in her bed with her face cut etc. I started to cry. My dad asked me why I was crying and I told them it was because I wanted new shoes. On another occasion dad ran into my paddling pool, fell and broke his arm. I got a fright and started to cry but said it was because he had splashed all the water out of my pool. They must have thought I was s selfish little cow. It might be worth talking through The last few days with her. I hope your ds is feeling better.

Dd (8) has always been difficult that's a bit of a loaded statement about a child. Her behaviour sounds quite normal for an 8 year old at Christmas actually. She was probably worried about her brother and about you being away.