Advice on baby books for a first-timer please - all opinions welcomed

[ScreamIfYouWantToGoFaster]

Hi experienced Mums!

I'm due in April with my first DC, and ideally I just want to read up on as many different parenting styles as possible BEFORE my baby arrives, so that I'll have a lot of ideas buzzing around my head when the LO is actually here.

I already have 'What To Expect The First Year', and 'Your Baby Week by Week'. Those are my "general" books on all things baby related including how to bathe them, change nappies etc. For more of a specifically "parenting style" / "sleep strategy" book I'm considering getting the following:

No-Cry Sleep Solution - Pantley
The Contented Little Baby Book - Ford
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer - Hogg
The Baby Book - Sears

Has anyone found any of these books useful? Does this cover all the main parenting styles on offer (in terms of parenting books) or is there another key book to add to this list?

My advice is to throw out all the parenting books and go with the flow. You'll be much more relaxed.

This is only my opinion. I read no books. And there sits my son at 2.6 happy and healthy.

Your Baby Week by Week is fabulous in terms of how many wet/dirty nappies to expect, how much sleep, how much crying. All very practical. It also gives pro and cons on issues rather than telling you what to do i.e. using a dummy.

Do not read any others!!! Having a new baby is overwhelming enough! You do not need a parenting 'style'. Take it day at a time and make sure your partner is fully involved.

Good luck.

It doesn't matter which ones you get - the baby won't have read them.

My advice - don't get any and just go with the flow. Your baby will let you know what they need when they need it.

The only one I would have recommended is Your Baby Week by Week but you have that.

I wouldn't bother with any others.

DH rather liked the Haynes Manual, but that was for the novelty rather than anything useful (other than the poo page!)

No-Cry Sleep Solution - Pantley This gives you tasks - I wouldn't bother unless you have a poorly sleeping baby and feel desperate (I do like it - but not for reading in pg)
The Contented Little Baby Book - Ford (a 'blueprint' for parenting. Not my style at all)
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer - Hogg (don't particularly rate it)
The Baby Book - Sears Nice

But my favourite is Penelope Leach Your baby and child - so beautifully written - it is a good read - and very very tender.

As ^^

The ones you have are informative and useful. IMO the others peddle opinion not fact, and I have seen far more parents stressed by reading them and wondering why their baby won't do the GF way or the baby whisperer way, than those who just follow what their baby needs.

Your baby will do what they do. Good luck :)

i borrowed all of them, coasted along fine for a few weeks then when i hit problems i tried flicking through all of them trying to find an answer and they made me feel worse that i couldn't find one answer in any of them. they made me feel like a failure and i got in bit of a state trying to work out what to do. i would stick with a general baby development book that helps you understand why your baby is doing what it's doing and when like the wonder weeks or miriam stoppard books.

having had 3 dc's, read and tried almost all of the books/routines i've found it best to be 100% baby led for the first 10-12weeks. do what you want, when you want, get to know your baby and give your baby a chance to settle down and find it's own routine.

it also depends on what you want to be doing longer term, from around 6 months. sleep has been the biggest issue for me. i did the contented baby routine with dc3 (not strictly following the times but using it as a general guide) and it's been much easier with sleep issues because i got him self settling to sleep from day 1. life has revolved around him and his routine a lot of the time but it's really paid off when i think of the hours i spent struggling to get my older 2 to sleep.
there are still plenty of times when i had to forget the routine for a few days and just go with the flow.

Contented baby booked - loved it! Didn't follow it fully but gave me a great idea of how long baby should be awake, asleep etc which was helpful and I am a routine sort of person.

I hated most books until I read the Sears one. I then came to the conclusion that basically you find your own parenting style and the only book you will like will be one that fits in, so really I didn't need it, but it did make me realise that I was OK to do it my way and not the GF way.

My advice, forget the books, get to know your baby and go with what they want. You will be amazed at what strong opinions they will have for one so young!

Good Luck

Throw them away. They will just make you feel guilty.

Trust your instincts and ask the lovely ladies of Mumsnet when you need help.

Sorry if that sounds flippant, but I really, really wish I hadn't bought any books. Since I started ignoring them I've been much happier and, I think, a much better mum.

I didn't really follow any specific books after DS1 was born - or rather he didn't but I did find the Baby Whisperer book helpful in the early weeks for one particular table which described different types of baby cries and what they meant. Everyone tells you you'll get to recognise these, and you do, it becomes second nature, but at first you don't and so the table was useful.

I liked the happiest baby book by Harvey Karp - all that 'sshhhing' really did help the baby sleep!
Tbh though if I'd known about mumsnet then I don't think I'd have bothered with books.

I had the Dr Sears book and loved the fact that it seemed to say what I was doing was right (I was surrounded by GF mums which is not me and certainly was not my DD) but everyone is different and what suits one won't suit someone else.

I think far and away the best book is called 'What Mothers Do: Especially when it looks like nothing' by Naomi Stadlen. Completely in a different league to all other parenting books. It definitely does not tell you what to do but it explains motherhood in a way that no other book comes close to doing.

Don't agree with others. Read as much as you like, it's all v overwhelming for the first time and as they say knowledge is power. You might decide the all of them are wrong for you, or you are a mixture of methods or you want to follow one method fully. It's your choice, but by reading them you will get more of an idea of things that might happen.

Agree with others about going with the flow, but that can come later as you get into the swing of it.

Good luck!

I would pop along to your local libary - they normally have a fair few different books -I read pretty much everything - however I wouldn't bother with no cry sleep solution until after 4 months -although it is good - and is really just about sleep
I personally found neither gina ford or tracey hogg that useful as they made me feel that if my baby wasn't doing what they said I was doing it wrong - although I did use after 5 months or so a modified routine from GF - the breastfeeding advice in both is really bad as well

sears book has some lovely bits -and some really useful info - although if you are not 100% into co-sleepling/baby wearing etc it could also be a bit unhelpful as well
TBH the most helpful thing for me was hanging out with other new parents - eg my NCT group and with DS2 online was also v useful - you get a range of perspectives and realise the most important thing is what works for you and your baby - for instance my DS1 loved being in his sling - hated his pram - DS2 pretty much the reverse

I would read Penelope Leach and also "Why Love Matters" before giving birth. If you're bfing I agree the GF and Baby Whisperer books are not well-informed, and whether or not you're into routines is something you'll know in yourself, possibly only once you've had your baby.

Like you, I felt I needed to read around the subject. It's your first, so I'm sure that's the right thing to do, even if afterwards you feel you could throw them all away. That kind of confidence is only won by the feeling of having become better-informed than the lot of them (though I defy anyone to disagree with the lovely Penelope Leach).

NCT mums are fine but they won't all have the same sort of baby as you, so it can make you feel insecure if yours isn't doing what the majority are doing, and if you don't read up on stuff you won't spot a problem like reflux when it arises.

I love reading Parenting books, not for advice but just for perspectives and ideas.
Penelope Leach- Your Baby and Child is my absolute favourite.
How not to be a Perfect Mother, although dated now, is a good laugh and a refreshing read.

I also like the Mumsnet books about Pregnancy, Babies and Toddlers, just like reading the relevant bits of this forum really

I swore by the baby whisperer for DS, my friends were amazed at how easily DS would be put down for a nap, so it came as a bit of a shock when it did not work AT ALL for DD, she totally screamed blue murder when I tried any of the techniques.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that every baby is different and you need to find what works for your baby.

You have to be a strong person to be able to take only what you think will be useful and suit both you and your baby (yep, they're all different!) from parenting books. Most of us feel anything but strong when we become new mothers - we're highly vulnerable, desperate to do everything "right" and the prescriptive advice in Ford, Hogg and indeed Sears (although I have more sympathy with his approach) can all too easily make you feel confused and guilty for doing it "wrong".

I absolutely agree with the poster who urged you to read "What Mothers Do...." by Naomi Stadlen. Of all the books I read before I had DD, that was the one that best prepared me for motherhood, without a doubt. It deals with the emotional impact of becoming a mother NOT the nuts and bolts of bringing up a child (the books you already have for that are fine). And believe me, the emotional fallout usually hits like a ten tonne truck, so having some inkling of what's in store and how you are likely to feel is invaluable.

Also, make sure your OH reads the Naomi Stadlen book too. My DH reckons it should be given to all expectant couples by the NHS.

Good luck!

Ooh yes, What Mothers Do. Haven't convinced DH to read it but he listened when I gave him the gist of it. Will have to give it another read

The BW book made me feel miserable (ds wasn't doing what she said he should be, and then she started to go on about 'accidental parenting') until I decided to burn in in the chimenea. One of the most satisfying bonfires I've ever had, and I've not looked back - that's not to say it all goes swimmingly, but at least there isn't a stranger there telling me that I'm getting it wrong!

think i was similar to you in that i read about lots so that i could formulate my own ideas and see what fitted with me and the kind of baby i got.

i don't know how old you are but one of the loveliest books i read when pregnant was called, 'coming late to motherhood' because it was a collection of stories of women and how they got there, what their expectations were, what they struggled with etc and they were all sorts of backgrounds, late marriers, single mum's, fertility issues etc. i enjoyed reading women's journeys.

from a quick google it doesn't appear to be in print - think i found it at a fete book sale.

if you were interested i could post it to you, though i'd love it back as i aim to write this book i keep starting and abandoning one of these decades and would like to refer to it.

I bought the lot first time round and, tbh, got far more helpful, reasonable advice on here

Given all the books away and won't bother with them this time.