Do you compare your parenting with others'?

[bigfatgypsy]

I have various friends and family who have children of similar ages to mine (9&5).

As hard as I try not to, I can't help compare both my own parenting methods and their methods with each other and I never really know if I'm getting it right.

As an example I have friends who have strict routines. They eat and sleep at the same times each day. They all eat healthily, they do lots of activities together, they don't allow bad foods or too much tv etc.

At the other end I have very laid back friends who have little routine, the kids eat when and what they like. Bedtimes are random, they play computer games and watch a lot of tv.

The strict routine friends seem stressed and rarely spend any time together as a couple. But the laid-back friends seem no happier, despite what appears to be less stress.

I, on the other hand, am bumbling along somewhere in the middle. I used to be quite anal about things but realised the stress wasn't doing me any good. So I've relaxed a lot of things but I now feel that I'm seen as still too anal for the laid-back friends and too laid-back for the strict-routine friends!

I suppose we all have to do what works best for us but I can't seem to find anyone who has found the right mix yet!

I agree, im the same. I do have a routine, not too strict as my dsis 8 now, but bed time is the same each evening and we eat together most evenings.

It works for us.
I am howver curious about what other folk do. I dont compare becuase we are all completely different personalities with different routines dictated by work etc.

Among my friends they are all happy enough i think, as we are. Not sure that they compare either. Its easy to do so, but i try notto.

my ds is 8 now!

There is no magical "right" way to parent IMO, and I have seen a lot of parenting styles as a nursery nurse (and parent of 2 myself).
Even siblings can need different parenting approaches, it will save you a lot of stress if you accept that you're not going to be the perfect parent all the time, and just try not to mess up the same way too many times. If at the end of the day your DCs want to tell you inane details of their lives and you can make some time to listen, you can't be going too far wrong.

I try not to but I do.

At first I was all about the 'right' way but I've realised there is no right way. My DD's (1 and 3) go to bed at 7pm. They probably watch too much TV and I give them pizza or tinned macaroni and cheese if I'm feeling lazy. They still do activities like swimming and the library and some crafts like play doh and drawing, we learn and write numbers and letters etc but I don't feel it's enough.

I find it hard not to compare, and when I do I seem to adopt a 'well I do a bit of both and that's the best way IMO' stance. I find it hard to please everyone though and end up upsetting myself which is obviously not good.

I would look at it the other way round. I think there are lots of right ways to parent, your friends are probably doing it right, and so are you. As long as the basics are in place, by which I mean the children are loved, fed, clothed, and have some boundaries, I don't think it makes much difference what you do or how you do it.

Different parenting styles suit different personalities. I might consider someone else's choices 'wrong' on the basis that they wouldn't suit my values/ beliefs or my family's needs.

My personal opinion is that very routinised parents risk their DCs having an inability to adapt and be flexible. Likewise very laid back parents risk their DCs having an inability to cope with some of life's rules and boundaries which we all have to adhere to at some stage in life.

I'm therefore also bumbling along somewhere in the middle, and this is right for me. My DH and I are happy because our lives are not unrecognisable to the ones we led prior to having our DS. Our DS is happy because he gets his basic needs met - love, security, fun, food and sleep. We are not perfect by any means, but i judge success by happiness and our household is a happy one, for the most part.

Yes. And i always come off worse . IMO.

I think everyone looks at how others parent and then look at their own parenting styles to see what is different. Theres nothing wrong with this as long as you realise there is no single best way and what will work for one won't work for another.
As a new parent I like to see how others handle difficult situations to get ideas of what might work with my DD.