How to deal with a rude 4YO?

[neverputasockinatoaster]

Hi, my DD is 4. She can be very rude to people, blowing raspeberries, saying no, ignoring etc. I think a lot of it is 'normal' 4YO behaviour and am tackling it thus:
If she is rude then we say 'DD, that was rude. We don't blow raspberries/stick out our tongue etc' I then warn her that if it continues she will go to her room/ stop watching a fave programme/ lose a toy/ etc. The sanction happens straight away. I also do 'tactical ignoring' and reinforcing the positive.
When she is being lovely (very, very often!) I talk about the positives, describing how nicely she asked etc. I will tell her she made me feel happy when she.... or she made Daddy happy by.....
We've had a torrid Christmas. She's had chicken pox and my mum, who has recently lost my SD, has been here. There has been a Grandma/DD power struggle! To wit my Mum has had a right go about DD being rude and having a go at my parenting!
So, I just wonderedi if anyone had any other suggestions. I should add that I also have a DS of 7 with possible ASD/ADHD (being assessed) and he can also be a bit short with people and he too is pulled up on it the way I do with DD.
I have read 1,2,3 Magic and am also reading How To Talk..... I prefer the second but I have taken the no emotion/no discussion thing from 1,2,3.
All ideas appreciated!

Have you tried any of the techniques on your mother? She sounds a bit rude IMHO.

Thank you Heliumballoon! That made me laugh out loud!

I'm only semi joking! You have a perfectly normal 4 yr old and are clearly reflecting on your parenting, reading all the right books, doing all the right things eg consistency, immediate follow through, praise etc. (better than I manage with my 4 yr old frankly). You've had, in your own words, a torrid Christmas featuring both sad loss and illness, both of which will affect DD's behaviour. And your mother - who is your guest- chooses this time to have a right go at you about your parenting. I am a bit grrrrrrr on your behalf!

I find expectation-setting works well a lot of the time. If you're visiting or you've got visitors you kick off with 'When we're at x's house I would like you to behave nicely (whatever your definition is). If you don't behave nicely there will be consequences. If you're pleasant, we can do something fun later'. You get them to agree. This means they go into the situation knowing the score and they've agreed so there are no excuses. Everyone's on the same page. Better that, I think, than waiting for them to go off the rails and then coming down like a ton of bricks.

Thank you people.
I like the idea of setting expectations, that's not something I've done in the past with DD. I do it with DS automatically because of his issues because setting expectations also allows me to remind him of his 'exit' and coping strategies. I must remember to do it with DD too!