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please come and remind me it's early days

9 replies

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 28/12/2011 18:59

DD is 1month, am getting myself into a ball of stress as she's exited the sleepy newborn stage and entered the windy-upset-do-I-give-her-a-dummy-do-I-start-a-routine horribleness. I was a horrifically stressed out PND mess with DS and have managed to stay more chilled with DD but can feel the voices creeping up on me.

I'm following her lead. So far this means feeding at random times during the day, being calmed or fed to sleep, waking prob 3 times between 10pm and morning (which is fine) napping on people or in the sling and co-sleeping because she hates the moses.

We're emigrating to LA in February, I keep trying to tell myself there's not even any point in trying to control anything because it'll all fly out the window anyway when we move (she'll be 2.5months max), and I so wanted to try to enjoy her newborn-hood because I made such a hash of DS's....

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Wolfiefan · 28/12/2011 19:04

Did you really make a hash of it with DS? Left him out with the milk bottle? Weaned him on pom bears at 4 weeks? Or are you beating yourself up because you had PND? That was NOT your fault. You sound like a loving mum who did/does her best.
No expert here but this age sounds a bit young for a routine. Is she feeding regularly? Are you getting any sleep? I am of the opinion you do whatever you need to in order to survive the early weeks! Take care of yourself and good luck with the move!

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 28/12/2011 19:07

I think she's a bit young too and I want to just follow her lead until we move at least, I spent so much energy (and tears) stressing about routines too early with DS. But I lose faith myself really easily and just feel lost with it all, which is ridiculous because she's so much easier than DS and I do generally feel mroe confident...

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FoofFighters · 28/12/2011 20:37

I had PND with DS1. I was so hard on myself about the tiniest wee thing :( With DS2 I didn't try to force a routine and was much more laid-back. Give yourself a break - you say you are following her lead and at this stage that is the best thing you can do :)

I had times in the first couple of months where I felt it was all happening again, but it is so early that it's normal to feel a bit stressed and tired, it doesn't mean the PND is happening again.

It is really early days! You can have faith in yourself this time - you've done it before. And you say yourself she's too young for a routine, so trust your judgement and relax.

Go easy on yourself.

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GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 29/12/2011 11:28

Thankyou. I know I need more sleep to feel more confident. Think I'm mainly living in fear if being the mum if a newborn I was with DS

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shipsladyg · 30/12/2011 19:15

Yup - depression sucks especially when you've got a thousand people demanding you instil a routine from the start. To me it sounded like I was being set up to fail as newborns simply don't "get" routine. Heck - newborns haven't even got the capacity to differentiate night & day until 6wks and even then they don't know what to do with the information! But on the plus side, that should ease your transition to LA.

FWIW Sounds like you've got a good responsive "rhythm" going which is much better than a formal routine at this stage. being consistent & comforting is far more important in the first three months and a routine can be grown from that as you get to know each other more. That's far more beneficial for both of you.

Go with the flow. It sounds like you're doing a fab job.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 02/01/2012 14:27

thankyou shipslady Just need reminding of it to keep faith in myself and her. I'm continuing to co-sleep despite "advice" I am creating problems for later because she does sleep better and frankly I love it....

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bouviergirl · 02/01/2012 21:47

Yes it most definitely is very very early days.

It sounds to me like you're doing brilliantly just as you are, as others have said.

I have two DC. Even though I'd done it before, I found the same stage you're entering now harder the second time round with my DC2. You expect because you've had one DC, that you "should" know it all second time around. But it's not the case at all, and your babies will be very different individuals, what worked once doesn't the next time etc. It's like doing it afresh all again in some ways.

Last christmas I was where you are now. It was a nightmare coping with 2 DC, a toddler and a newborn. Very very dark, difficult days/nights.

Compared to where we are now, this christmas gone, is totally different. DC older, things calmed down, almost normal! That intervening year has made all the difference. For me, it took until DC2 was about 12 weeks to pass out of the "windy-upset-do-I-give-her-a-dummy-do-I-start-a-routine horribleness" you so well describe! Things very slowly started to get better then.

One thing I do regret is not introducing a dummy soon enough. We did with DC1 and successfully weaned him off it by about 2.5yo by saying we'd lost it. But then we thought "we'll never fall into that trap again, THIS baby won't even start with a dummy! Hah we know it all now!". In fact, I wished I had introduced it in the first few months, because I always found they helped soothe babies and by the time I tried, she wasn't interested. The same with a bottle, I wished I'd introduced it to her in small amounts in her first few months. She's never taken to it and still BF'g at one year!! Funny, the things you swear you won't do again, suddenly you realise they were really quite helpful and smart strategies in hindsight!

So the lesson is, do whatever it is that gets you through the day and night, go with the flow, and don't worry about any of it. They all come out the other side eventually the same, walking, talking, sleeping etc!

Best of luck.

bouviergirl · 02/01/2012 21:55

ps i have also co-slept with both, DC1 until about 8 months and DC2 until just recently when started to put her in own room (1yo). Not quite there yet with her, still early days and a few ups and downs, but we will get there eventually. And co-sleeping with both my DC will always be one of the most treasured memories as a mother when I look back. You'll never get those warm, cuddly times back, and the baby breath on your face, so enjoy it I say! When she gets a bit older, start thinking about where you want to go next on the sleeping front and then start adapting your routines step by step, but just enjoy it now. If it's what works for her now, it's very resourceful of you to do it.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 08/01/2012 23:16

Thanks so much. I've felt much better the last week even though she's been harder work (wind is increasing and she's more distressed by it) but feeling like I'm reading her a little better - at least I'm getting a bit more sleep which is helping.

I will carry on co-sleeping, I love it and feel like its really helped me bond with her which in turn makes me feel more confident.

Thanks so much for the reassurance

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