Life with a baby and a toddler - how???

[shirleycat1]

I have a 5 week old dd and a 2 1/2 year old ds. Getting any type of routine sorted with Christmas has been impossible, but I'm thinking about how to structure things from next week and am at a bit of a loss. What happens with routines - can the baby have one or will she just have to fit in?

I can vaguely remember spending a fair bit of time trying to get ds to take daytime naps which he got eventually but I really don't have the time to be doing that this time. So unless we're out and about there's a fair bit of tired crying going on from dd. I'm not a full on strict routine type person, but a but of structure to the day is nice, but I have no idea where to start.

Any helpful tips or suggestions. Or just a bit of advice from what other people do would be really useful so I can get a bit of idea on what the hell I'm meant to be doing now!!!

Thanks in advance...

hello!
it's hard but it gets easier
look am even managing a !!!
I have a 3.1 yo and a 5mo. so so hard in the early days - most people will advise cbeebies and I would have to agree!!!
Also if anyone can help entertain your ds - get him out for a walk or sit and play trains for a hour - helps with the guilty feelings.
the nap thing - with ds1 i was really keen for him to have his naps and planned his day around them. with ds2 he generally naps on me in the morning while ds1 watches cbeebies plays and then we go out in the afternoon and he naps in the pram.
it's good to get to toddlers too if you don't mind that sort of thing.
Evening time I bath the big one in a big bath and the baby in a baby bath at the same time, get the baby ready and stick him in a bouncy chair and then do the 3yo. I keep the baby on my lap 'til I go to bed.
Not the most rigid of routine (haven't made it out this afternoon obviously - baby now asleep on lap!)
It has been easier since the baby has got good at sitting up!
good luck x

It is very hard for the first few months (I have a 1 yr old and a not yet 3 year old). I found that getting the baby to nap in the pushchair downstairs was much easier than upstairs because DD1 would always follow me up to the bedroom whereas I could rock the pushchair and still talk to DD1 (depends on your house layout) and then we could just go out if we needed to.

I didn't try a proper routine for ages but put DD2 in the bath with DD1 in a bath seat and did the whole routine with them even though DD2 would not go to bed for the night at that point. If on my own (most of time) we would have stories in my bed while I bf DD2 and then put DD2 in the moses basket while I put DD1 in bed and tucked her in. Sometimes there was a bit of crying from DD2 here but I made it as quick as possible while still being nice for DD1. Then I would get DD2 out and go downstairs with her.

DD2 is still not completely routinified in terms of naps but she will generally have one after lunch. There was necessarily a bit of leaving to cry for a bit but it never took long as she was generally knackered.

Good luck! Most of all don't worry about what you should be doing - just do what you have to to get by!

Am marking my place in this thread as I'm pregnant with DC2 and due when DS will be exactly 2.5 years old!

Can I just say I am f*cking petrified!!

I had the same age gap between my two boys and what helped me the most was to keep DS2 in a stretchy wrap sling for roughly the first 4 months of his life. He slept really well in there and would nod off as and when he needed to, so he was never crying with tiredness and I could get on with a lot of things including keeping DS1 occupied and not feeling left out. When he was about 4 months I put him down in a cot for naps and there was no problem getting him to do it. He slept for longer stretches and more heavily by that point.

Thank you for all replies. To be honest the past few weeks since dd arrived have been pretty mental and I don't think I'd anticipated how on top it would be. Feel pretty reassured by people's responses so far though and I think I'll just have to go with it and see what happens - muddling through is the story of my life...

My 2 DCs are 17 months apart. I didn't get out much in the beginning as I was establishing feeding and naps Or would nip out in a gap between a feed and the next nap. It was rather insane thinking back. DD watched a lot of CBeebies But I managed to jig routines so they both had a lunchtime nap together and went to bed together. But perhaps being more laid back would be less stressful for you? I was so anal about sleep as they both become dreadful when over tired You've had some good suggestions on here.

Teaandcake - you beat me to it, was just going to say that's what Cbeebies is for . 20 month gap here. I actually found the worst time to be when DS2 was crawling - trying to control him and his big bro in the playground at the same time was a nightmare. When he was a baby he was happy to just sit and watch . If you can bear toddler groups, at least you can sit down with baby and let the bigger one roam a bit in relative safety. And I tried to encourage DS1 to help as much as poss so he didn't feel left out - getting him to pass me the wipes and nappies when I was changing baby etc. I tried to stick to DS1's routine as much as I could and DS2 luckily fitted in quite well.

Dd1 is 2.5 dd2 is 5 months.

We aim to do something every day- walk/ play group/ tumble tots/ swimming.
Then in the afternoon we'll play/ watch tv etc.

Naps not got sorted yet- generally cat naps but bed time- bath together- dd1 bed then go downstairs feed dd2 and put to bed (I'm usually alone for this)

What has helped me is making every task I do ie cooking/ cleaning something dd1 can help with.

Also I get them dressed first thing and get me ready in stages.

It's actually easier when dp is at work

Oh yes it was awful when DS became more mobile. If he was strapped in his buggy and I couldn't watch both of them, depending on where it was, or if it was not safe for a crawling toddler, he'd raise merry hell in the buggy But I didn't use mumsnet yet at that stage. I'm sure I'd have had some great ideas if I'd come on here then

wonders if needlescuties will be my friend as DC2 is due when DS1 is 2.5 as well. could really do with some hand holding as I've soooooooooo much free time in my day to look after a newborn

Just marking my place as 27+2 with DD and i'll have 17 months between her and DS. I'm trying not to think about it.

Just do whatever it takes to get through the day for the next two years.

I agree with TheProvincialLady that using a sling is useful. There's 21 months between my two, and DS is now 4 months. He is in a sling a lot. What also helps is having staggered sleeping/waking times. This is roughly my routine at the moment: I get up at around 7am, feed DS then put him back to bed, get DD up for breakfast, stick her in front of CBeebies while I shower, make lunch etc, then get DS up at about 10, feed, we go out for a walk or something similar (with DS in the sling), back in for lunch (DS still in the sling), DD goes down for a nap, DD gets up for tea at 4pm (at which point, for the last few days, DS has considerately decided to have a nap), we all play together until DD's bed time at 6.30pm, then DS is on my lap and feeding quite intensively until my bed time. I am very lucky with DS in that he doesn't cry much, and allows me to put him down in his cot even when he's fully awake. I think a lot of this placid nature stems from being carried in the sling a lot - apparently it's well known that it does make them quite secure and relaxed. Before you think I've got it easy, though, I will add that DD started teething with her final big molars a few weeks after DS was born (and has only just stopped), and she's also recently gone from a cot to a toddler bed, so we've also had to cope with her discovering the novelty of being able to get up at night for a wander. In fact, most of our sleepless nights since DS was born have been thanks to his naughty big sister :D

I too was very worried about how I'd cope before DS came along. Probably the most useful thing anyone said to me was 'don't worry, you'll cope, because you'll have to'. This is so true - it's complete chaos at first, but you do muddle through. Good luck!

DS2 was born when DS1 was 2.7. I was very anal with PFB DS1 about naps, mealtimes etc but with DS2 I just decided to be more relaxed and didn't even try for a routine and it has eventually fallen into place :)

Cbeebies was our best friend :o the most useful thing we did was get DS2 into a bath and bed routine as quickly as possible, by about 6 weeks. Then we always had that to aim for. DS2 started taking morning naps, then afternoon ones came as he got older, and I had the playgroup run and now the nursery run to work with - that gives our day structure. When baby is napping in the morning, DS1 and I do baking or painting, or just chill and snack time so it's quiet.

A toddler and newborn is hard, hard work - it is getting easier now DS2 is coming up for 1, although crawling and walking is a whole other lot of fun and games. DS1's wee toys are lying about everywhere so I am constantly picking bits up so they don't get into the wrong hands!

Hang in there!

cairnterrier yes I will be your friend! We can cry and laugh together.

there are lots of good tips on this thread, might make some notes :)

Also pulling up a chair. Have had a relatively easy time of it with dd1 and am going to have a 20 month gap - 27 weeks now!

Marking place. I'm 34wks with DC2, DS1 will be 2.3yo. I was really strict with nap routines etc with DS1, and he's always been a brilliant sleeper - so I've convinced myself that this is entirely due to my obsessiveness diligence and if I can't do it with DC2 then I'll have a non-sleeping monster on my hands

I have 22 months between mine and no routine at all!!

We go out, a lot, softplat on toddler mornings mostly when they are a pound, Im not organised enough for regular scheduled clases

I was gutted that DS2 will never sleep as late in the morning as DS1 did, as he is woken up at the crack of dawn by DS1 rampaging about! That's really annoying, but at least he takes a decent nap in the morning as a result.

I have a similar gap - DS turned 2 in August and I had DD three weeks later, she now 15 weeks.

There are times when it's easy and lovely and simply brilliant, then there are times when it's very hard and I'd like to sell one or both of them to the nearest circus. I don't have a routine in the sense of 'this exact thing must happen at this exact time' because I tried that when DS was a baby, he had other ideas, and it all became a bit too stressful. Instead I have a vague sort of structure to each day that can be adapted as needed.

I get up in the morning when DS does, DD is usually either asleep or content to lay in her cot for 10-15 minutes with her mobile playing for entertainment while I wash/dress myself and wash DS.

I make DS breakfast (cereal) and while he eats it I sit at the table with him to eat my breakfast and feed DD (I figure this gets her used to being at the table too for when she eventually starts weaning). He has a beaker of milk after breakfast, I take him in the living room to drink it in front of CBeebies or You've Been Framed if I remembered to record it (he's a big fan of cats doing 'funny' things). While he's occupied I top and tail DD and get her dressed, pop her in her bouncey seat and get DS dressed.

After that we might go out somewhere, to the shops or visiting or wherever, so lunch arrangements depend on what we're doing. They both nap either in the buggy or the car, depending how we're travelling.

Once we come home DS will play (if in a good mood) or tantrum (if in a bad mood) so I'll either play with him or try and distract him. DH comes home and he sees to the two of them while I make tea.

Once bedtime rolls around we just chuck them both in the same bath or in the bath with one of us if we're having one (they both like the shower too but two kids in the shower is too much!). Usually we take a child each to dry/put in PJs but if I'm by myself I dry and dress DD in the bathroom while DS plays in the bath, then I put her in her chair while I dry/dress DS. I put them both in DS's toddler bed for a story then leave DS to sleep and take DD downstairs with me and put her to bed in the Moses basket.

Some days it works and others it doesn't. I've found that being relatively relaxed leads to less stress. I've also found it's important (and also nice) to have individual time with them too. I get DS looked after once a week while I take DD to baby group and DD looked after while I take DS to toddler group.

It does get easier! I was so flummoxed when DD was born but I'm getting better now.

Get out, every morning and every afternoon. Even if its just a walk to the library, to the supermarket, etc. If possible create a schedule of what happens each weekday morning to give your week some structure- Monday, go to friends, Tuesday toddler group, Wednesday soft play etc. Otherwise days just merge into one another. Have baby in a sling so they can sleep wherever and whenever so you're not dependent on staying in while baby sleeps upstairs. Relax your routines with your toddler, e.g. teatime, bedtime, and bath your children when they need it, unless you and they enjoy it. Relax your standards of food you provide for your toddler - we lived on freezer to oven food when you can't spend half an hour at the hob at witching hour. If possible put your toddler in some childcare to give you a rest and time with the baby. I put DS1 in preschool a little early and paid for sessions before he got free funding - this made a lot of difference and gave me some time to re-energise. Talk to people about how you are finding it and know that it won't last forever. Don't feel guilty about all the attention you're not showering on your baby - they don't care, as long as you're close to them and feeding them and letting them sleep.

Oh yeah, there'll be times when both of them cry simultaneously and you're faced with the choice of which one to see to first. Unless it's something urgent/life&death see to the toddler first. I know that sounds awful, poor baby, however a baby won't remember crying for an extra minute but a toddler will. Often if they're both crying it's a case of handing DS whatever it is he's crying for (toy/drink/picked up to watch the postman walk past the window) which takes only seconds to satisfy and then pick up the baby.

Also if your toddler wants to help then terrific but don't force the issue. There are times DS wants to help me and times when I'll ask for a nappy and he will simply say "DD stinks, yuck!" before walking away.

See what your local Sure Start has going on. The baby weigh-in/Health Visitor drop-in is held once a week at my local one, they have the weigh clinic and they have activies for toddlers running alongside it.

I second getting out each day, I do and it keeps DS entertained and tires him out.