HELP! Practical advice for coping with an early-waking, whingy 14-month old & DD2 coming in 3 weeks

[minesarioja]

I've had a look at some posts on coping with a 14-month age gap and I'd REALLY appreciate some practical advice on the day-to-day. DS1 is going through a bad phase of constant colds and chest infections - one on top of another. He wakes coughing and crying at 0550 and we have to go to him at 0620. During the day he's clingy and doesn't play that well on his own or get absorbed in any one activity so I end up taking him to playgroups and the park. He's in bed by 6.40pm as he's so tired. However, I cannot fathom breastfeeding the newborn with him in this mode and am wondering what anyone else experienced and how they've dealt with it?
For example, what does the 14m do whilst you're feeding the NB and how does bath/bedtime work out? How do you breastfeed a NB during the toddler's mealtimes if he cannot yet feed himself fully? I'm really worried!
I have no family nearby and DS1 is not in a nursery. My husband is out from about 0730 - 6.30pm so will only be able to help a very little in the morning.
I've more or less followed Gina Ford's routine with DS1 though he never slept till 0700 and I find her latest book on coping with a toddler and baby entirely geared towards a 24-month age gap and up so is of no help whatsoever.
Any good advice would REALLY be appreciated as I don't know of anyone personally who's dealt with this age gap. THANKS!

The age gap between mine is much bigger (a good 2.5 years going by dd1's corrected age) but I had the same worries. In the end I just let dd1 watch loads of telly during feeds and tried not to beat myself up about it too much. I tried to delay dd1's meals when dd2 needed a feed, sometimes by giving dd1 a carrot, apple or dry pice of bread (which she loved!) to munch on in the lounge until dd2 was fed. If it couldn't be avoided, I sat at the table using my feeding pillow which was strapped to me (My BreastFriend) so I could even get up to get things from the kitchen without disturbing dd2 too much.
I think you'll have to let go of Gina Ford's level of routine just a bit to allow a healthy amount of flexibility that'll make things easier on all of you. It'll be hard, especially in the first few weeks, but I'm sure things will fall into place once your dc2 has arrived. And hopefully more people will come along and give more advice.

Thanks, Jokat. That's reassuring. I know we'll get through it and once they're 15 will forget all the hardship but it's good to have a few tips on how to ease the pain of it... TV might be a good idea but so far he keeps turning the telly off (excited by LED button) so not having much luck there!

O dear, turning the telly off isn't exactly helpful :o If your ds is keen on reading, have a pile of books within reach. If he likes playing with cars, have a box full of them next to you. I always tried to have gathered everything I might need for those 45 min or so around me, i.e. snacks and a drink for dd1, tissues, remotes, phones, took dd1 to the loo etc. That still didn't stop her from occasionally pooing her pants, spilling things, needing help with stuff etc while I was feeding, and since latching on was quite a challenge for me it was so hard to deal with. But I just got a bit more relaxed, dd1 had to walk around in pooey knickers for a little while, water was sitting in a puddle for a while before getting mopped up and I got better at distracting dd1 from things I couldn't help with. And sometimes I just had to interrupt feeding and while it was very inconvenient, it wasn't the end of the world. You'll be fine, good luck with the birth! :)

Thanks so much! You've obviously come out alive so I'm sure we will too. The waiting is probably the worst bit. Where are all the other posters though? The fact that yours is the only response doesn't bode well!

I'm still in it, dd2 is 4.5 months now, but yes, alive :) Now that dd2 feeds more quickly, less frequently and isn't so floppy any more it's a lot easier. Also exclusively bottlefeeding now (long story), which does make things like feeding dd2 while dd1 is having a meal less of a balancing act. I cross my fingers for you that you'll succeed at breastfeeding the new arrival, I would have loved to. Sigh...

I'll give it a go with the breastfeeding. However I'm not too precious about it: I was never breastfed as a baby and turned out fine. I b'fed DS1 for 5.5 months and he seems no better for it. He's had a cough and cold every month- no exaggeration- since April. My friend bottle-fed her DS and he's never ill!

I have exactly the same age group nb is 6 days old. I am dreading dh going back to work. She's bfeeding constantly so it'll be interesting to see how/if that's going to work. PM me in a couple of wks and I'll share my despair secrets with you. We could be venting buddies.

That's excellent, madmomma - we are both mad. I was beginning to despair when only one person replied to my post. Either it's too hellish a situation to offer advice or else hardly anyone has such a daft age gap...

Well so far we've had 2 nights of them both being up all night. (toddler normally sleeps through). Have started to do mixed feeding, which has made life hugely more manageable. MW advised to take one feed at a time and do whatever I felt like at the time. Very good advice, as totally takes the pressure off. Luckily she's equally happy with bottle or breast. When are you due? ps my age gap was an accident a lovely surprise. was yours?

I'm also doing the juggling act.

I have my daughter who Is nearly 1 and just had twin girls (11days old) and my daughter is constantly I'll :( she is poorly now.

I'm finding it very difficult and dreading dh going back to work, so if anyone has any good tips etc I'll keep watching.

I have to say, it's great that we aren't alone but there are not many people out there filling me with confidence and great advice! I think that's good advice about the feeding, Madmomma. I am thinking of doing the same as I can't imagine having the energy to breastfeed so many times a day and at night as well. Used to breastfeed DS1 at 10pm and was so relieved to be able to give that over to DH when he moved onto bottles just to snatch some time off and have a drink in the evening...
xkatyx, my DS is always ill - he's had a cold every month since April and bad ones affect his sleep- he wakes up coughing every hour (though we haven't had to go to him). Heart goes out to you coping with twins. Can you pay for some help to come in if you have no family nearby? Even to take your DD out for a walk for an hour in the afternoons.

Things have settled down now thankfully.

Little one is on the mend thankfully ( till next time) she also is exactly the same, intact I took her to the doctors few weeks ago and cried because I thought she had something wrong with her that she kept getting ill!! But I have 2 older children that are at school and bring germs home I guess.

We have settled into a routine so everything is less dramatic!!! And thankfully have my mum who is fantastic.