don't know what to do..

[plummie2003]

Hi, this is the first time i have posted on a forum or anything, but i genuinely have no one else to talk to so hope someone might be able to help.
I have a little girl who is 15 months old and is generally well behaved but can be a bit demanding and tamtrummy at times when she wants me or something or cant get her own way, i am living with my partner and he works as a chef working 50+ hours a week, he cant drive but i can, it takes him 40 mins to walk to work and he starts at 8 which is before DS is awake sometimes so he walks to and from work so put an extra 10 hours onto his 50+ hours and thats what he spends away from the house for each week for work alone, let alone a social life.
When he is home the last thing he wants to do is washing up or tidying or anything like that and i feel it somewhat unfair to expect it from him when i spend most days at home or at least not working. Our DS was not planned and i used to work full time, now i can only manage 2 7 hour days a week due to extortionate childcare costs. Not one member of my family has even offered to help out by having DD for one day a week so i can go to work more or anything like that.
Anyway, i suppose really what i am saying is that since i had DD who, don't get me wrong i adore, i love her to bits and she makes me smile a million times a day but feel as though i have given up everything for her. I used to have alot of friends, be very sociable, fun loving, have a good relationship with my OH and have a sense of worth from going to work. Now i am miserable 24/7 I hardly ever see my OH and our relationship consists of constant arguing about everything because i am so tired all the time, partly from DD not sleeping very well (OH can sleep through anything) But i am also pregnant with our second baby due in April and i am beginning to dread it. pregnancy was planned and looked forward to but lately i feel so alone its unreal, i literally spend all day every day apart from when i work with DD, i don't go out any longer as OH's hours are so irregular its hard to make plans, i never ask my parents to have DD, ever as i feel they begrudge having her and i would rther not bother to be honest. I just feel as though i dont laugh anymore, i dont enjoy being a parent, or a 'housewife' I barely have motivation to put a load of washing on these days. I have been crying an awful lot lately abbout seemingly nothing and although it could be hormones, i dont think it is.
I feel as though i have two choices, stick with OH who will make no attempt to change jobs or hours so we can have at least a little normal family life, at present is is'nt uncommon for him to begin work at 8am and finish at 11pm plus time to and from work with no break, or go it alone as a single mum of 2 just to prove a point, it seems stupid to me and not how ones decisions should be made. All of my friends seem to have abandoned me since having a baby and i have tried mother and baby groups but they all seem so clicky. I have no one to talk to, i am completely alone in this and can't cope anymore. I just want to be me again, fun loving, bubbly, sociable, Happy! Not this boring miserable whinging lonely mum. I know people have it alot worse than me but any advice with regards to anything would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. ps. sorry for rambling.

It's a bit quiet this morning but bumping this so you might get some advice

Hi - not much advice I'm afraid, but I do feel your pain. My dp is also a chef, and I can get v lonely on the weekends when it seems like everyone else is having "family time" and he is at work both days. His 2 days off are midweek and I work full time mon-fri so pretty much see him for an hour a day (if I'm lucky). My dd never has a full day with him as she started school in September. He's also working every significant day over Christmas.

We constantly argue about his job - it's hellish tbh. We have been discussing him looking for other work which would mean more time off on the weekends - is this something your dp could consider?

Thanks TheAnnoyingSatsuma,

And it sounds like you are in the same boat as me then kirstos, We are forever arguing about his job but he seems to make no attempt to find alternative emplyoyment. Each time the subject is mentioned we just argue and thats how it is left, with neither one of us very happy. He insists i knew what i got myself into being with a chef but you never know what its going to be like until you have kids do you? I didnt realise i was going to have to give up my job and my friends, my life, and everything that comes with, you know..
My dad described him as a plodder the other day as i was saying how i have practically begged him to look for a new job and it will last all of a day then thats it. I just feel like everything is left to me apart from earning money(which i try to do aswell).
kirstos, could you imagine having another child and giving up your job? How would you keep your sanity?

Hi, I'm not in your kind of situation so can't speak from own experience. It must be so hard for you :( Could your dp get a pushbike? They are very cheap second hand and this could at least cut down on the time he spends on getting to and from work. Also, as far as making new friends is concerned, I have found one of my closest friends on the Meet-a-Mum section on my local Netmums board. The mums that post on there are genuinely interested in making new friends, just like yourself, so it might be a good way around the clickiness of toddler groups.

Plummer, I'm not in your situation, as in DP isn't a chef but I was the one who looked after our children. All I wanted to say to you was that crying a lot for no apparent reason sounds like depression. Can I suggest a conversation with your GP? Sometimes when things are hard you need external support. I'm pretty sure you'll discover you have many other options besides the two you currently mention, once you give yourself a bit of head space. HTH.