I have had a letter from Social Services

[colditz]

following a DV incident by partner for which the police were called out.

They asked that I phone them, so I did. The Social Worker I spoke to wanted to speak to my doctor, so have given her permission (not that I felt I had much choice!) and I am phoning back tomorrow.

But the thing is, I don't really understand what is going on! I am terrified they are going to take ds away, even though he wasn't even anywhere near us (he was upstairs in bed) and I really don't understand what she wants to talk to my doctor for.

now I am so frightened because she is going to find out I have asked for councelling, and that I have a history of depression.

I have got a baby coming in 13 weeks, even if they don't take my ds away I will never be left alone by them because I had PND with ds.

this is the worst thing that could have happened to me, I am irrationally scared of the social services, my mum usedf to threaten me with them as a child. I have had night mares about them ever since ds was born and now it's all coming true.

If they take my boy away I don't want to live any more

Oh Colditz

Delighted to hear you are feeling happier, it might put the wind up your DP and hopefully we have seen the last of his idulgent behaviour.

How is he coping with being on a strict budget ??

hi colditz, at the present time i have my friend staying with me as her partner battered her sunday night, devastatly her children witnessed the whole ordeal and her ex also went to the extreme of throwing something at her eldest and telling her to dd's that they werent his.
she has inforned the school as her dd1 has been more effected and they told her that they have to inform social services auotmatically. she has not recieve any correspondence from them as yet .

i also was a victim of dv when with dd1 father and the one time he did hit me my dd1 was present , we split up and i never heard from anyone .
both mine and my friends attacks had the police involved .

please dont worry , they will probably give you suppot and advice and even may help you to get help for accomadation and finances

i dont think there has been a case of a child being taken from a parent due to pnd (thats unless the parent has caused harm to they child or they feel that you are suicidal or taken herione - you get my drift) i had the social services contact my health visitor (due to the same ex partner claiming i was abusing child - he soon admitted to doing it out of spite) they just check that the child hasnt been taken regularly for suspicuious injurys etc

i am positive for you that it will all be fine and over soon , i know that wont stop you worring but please have some hope that it is just formality to do these checks and that having it happen to myself and my friend going through it at the moment, doesnt nessacerily mean that they will take him

here if you need to talk and send love and hugs xxx

Just to add support to you Colditz xxx

My childhood was blighted by dv - wish the social services had been called & my mum had been able to see she could do something about it. Don't know your situation but you are the mum & not the one being violent so could ss help you & your kids.

God Colditz, you have so much on your plate. I have no advice to give on this, because I don't know anything about this sort of situation, but I just wanted to send you some cyber support.

Take a deep breath, Colditz! Sorry you feel so frightened, as you say, that is probably your Mum's doing - buut beetroot si speakking a lot of sense.

On the whole, don't you thnk that it is a good thing that SS check that things are ok for kids? That's what they will be doing, checking that you, and your ds , are ok.

Talk to them reaslitically, be yourself, tell them in what ways you think ds is ok, and tell them anything you do feel anxious about.

The fact that you sought, and got, help for your PND shows that you solve problems, rather than let them get worse, and you, and your hv, doctor, etc will be poised ready to help if it happens again. No shame, no danger from ss in having had PND.

Of course you must call the police if your DH is violent again - otherwise you WILL be risking exposing ds to violence, and it will be a licence toDH to think he can turn violent without intervention! I think ss would much rather hear that you would seek help and protection.

As others have said, YOU have done nothing wrong here, you have done everything right. ss will recognise that, and suport you in that.

Deep breath, cup of coffee, give yourself a big hug.

Colditz - sorry, missed you post of 10.58 this morning.
Hope you are feeling stronger.
But please, Colditz, don't let this put you off seeking suport if dh becomes violent again, and don't let dh know that you felt deterred from seeking help.

Maybe it woud be good for him to know that ss took an interest because of what happened?

Really glad you've been reassured by the SW today, COlditz. Had been thinking of you x x x

well done for getting through this colditz.

PLEASE remember that social services are there to offer support, and to check that the child/ren involved are SAFE. In my experience they want to know that you WILL call the police again - they want to know that you will do the appropriate things that keep your children safe. You will be seen as the child's protector, not someone they should be taken from!

A person who calls the police in is much less 'in the spotlight' with SS than someone who doesn't call the police - and a neighbour steps in to do it instead, perhaps..

You have done exactly the right thing, so be strong.

Children remain in MUCH riskier situations than your home, with the input of SS - they always work from the point of view that a child is best at home. What rings alarm bells for SS is people who put their own emotional needs above the needs of their children - ie someone who continues to live with a person who had been violent to the CHILD, or abused the child, would be being closely monitored (in an ideal world!).

Also alarm bells ring when someone in the above situation does not take up help that is offered, or access any services at all; I'm sure you are a million miles from this situation so please please be re-assured.

I would take any help they offer you as many people have to beg for help to be given and don't get it! You are in a very difficult position with this dv in your home and I hope you get lots of help and support.

I think some posters are very naieve. Colditz just be very careful what you say. Be truthful but be careful how you phrase things. You don't want anyone getting the wrong impression. Err on the side of caution - reduce the number of times that you say you have done something rather than exaggerate.
How all goes well.

Eh?

This post is FOUR YEARS OLD!

very sorry. it was in my 15 minutes list. didn't note dates.