Parents with Aspergers - how do you cope?

[PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo]

How do you cope with the daily chaos, noise, and unpredictability that is family life with young dc?

Hi pretty, I'm afraid I don't have much knowledge about aspergers, but just wanted to reply so you knew someone cared. Do you have aspergers yourself? I have noticed other threads on mumsnet by adults with aspergers so it may be worth doing a search.

I don't have a dx but have the traits so am fairly suspicious! I am very lucky in that I have a very supportive dh. He goes to all the parties etc and takes over when it all gets a bit 'much'. I don't like surprises so am very well organised to limit the chaos, but the noise thing can be difficult as ds2, who is probably ASD too, makes noises constantly. I tend to leave him to it playing his PS3 and go and lie down with a good book or MN. I really need to be alone A LOT! and do go a bit mental if there is too much going on (this happened at the weekend and I did the full on hand flapping, head down and keening genuinely couldn't help it.

Are you finding it hard to cope PrettyCandles? Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, I hadn't seen this until today. I hope you're ok.

I also don't have a dx but have the traits and my dad is pretty much textbook so think I probably am. In fact it was having DC2 and my inability to cope that made me look into Aspergers as the noise and beeing needed all the time was overwhelming.

I find that having time I know I have to myself to focus on my things without the psychological pressure of being needed helps me to cope. I also don't do parties or many nursery drop offs as I can't do social chit chat and my DH does take the kids away a lot to give me head space. There's also a local coffee shop I can go to to reset if it's too much or I just go upstairs for a bit. I have a long shower in the morning by myself and being under the water helps me.

I find having one to one time with each child better than both of them together. If I have them both I have a very strict plan for the day or I can't cope. I've had to accept that I will probably never be able to cope long term while they're little and I'm glad I'll be going back to work after my maternity leave. I have family help and I do the domestic tasks while my husband does childcare if it's all a bit much.

I've got better at telling everyone when I can't cope rather than eventually exploding and we plan and discuss everything as I don't cope with new things and there is ofter a lot of misunderstanding between me and DH. We're also really focusing on teaching DS to not just talk but say excuse me and then wait as I don't cope with more than one person talking. I also say when i don't understand something now.

I do feel guilty a lot though, especially as I tend to shout and snap when I'm overwhelmed. And I wish I had people who understood to discuss it with sometimes. I tend not to socialise any more as I need all the time not spent with the kids to be alone rather than other people as it's too draining.

asperger uncle not a parent: same house most the jobs answer i dont i run i hide until it stops usually i do something helpful like fix a car or pc or bike or walk the dogs