My daughters father and I have been separated for over 2 years and there has been nothing but problems with contact since. When we separated, our daughter was 2 years old and one (of many) reason I left him was that he didn't have any relationship with her, nor did he try and build one. Originally, she was hysterical when he would collect her and would actively slam doors in his face, hit him etc. After a year, she became resigned to having to go with him but would have restless nights and an upset tummy, be lethargic and withdrawn a couple of days before contact and moody when she returned. Now, over 2 years on and there are still so many problems with contact. Her father has no rules or boundaries, despite knowing our daughter has many with me. He has taught her to hit, punch, pinch, bite, kick, swear, spit, break things, draw on walls etc - thinks she would never dream of doing here, but she does bring back the 'I can do what I want.' Originally he let her sleep in his bed which caused her to be up 20+ times per night here. Now he has a girlfriend our daughter has her own bed, but SHE decides when she goes to bed and in the meantime sits up eating chocolate and watching grown-up television. The past four or five times she has seen him (he has contact on alternate weekends) she has watched things which have given her nightmares on several of the nights she is here, causing her to be extremely tired for school.
He also dances naked with her, and teaches her what I think are inappropriate things (he thinks they are funny) like gyrating down doorposts, spanking her own bottom, twiddling her nipples etc. He doesn't encourage her to eat any proper food, she mainly eats junk and comes back constipated or with diarroeah most times. She still doesn't like contact and has restless nights and a bad attitide a few days before, then her sleep is disturbed when she returns due to nightmares because of what he's let her watch and because he lets her get in his bed if she disturbs him too many times. Because of the late nights and poor diet, as well as him letting her pick what to wear (she came back a few days ago in a skirt with no tights and t-shirt, no vest or coat!) she is always very run down when she comes back and almost always poorly. He had her from fri-mon and she ate no proper food at all whilst she was there, she stayed up late each night and napped in the day if she decided to (she hasn't had a nap with me for two years), she went out without a coat, watched things which have given her nightmares and came back with a cold and possibly an ear infection (have got a doctors appointment in the morning.) She has been so poorly during my time with her that we haven't been able to do anything we had planned, she is going back to him tomorrow until Boxing day and already I'm dreading how she will be when she comes back as each Christmas since we separated (there have been three) she has been too poorly due to contact time with him to celebrate it with me until January!
I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm just so frustrated with the whole situation and don't know what to do. I have tried talking to him on numerous occasions but he doesn't change anything he does and after over two years things are getting worse for our daughter rather than better. Does anyone have any advice?