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Original poster

Struggling to cope with two DSs

13 replies

BelinaTheTurkey · 21/12/2011 18:30

Really finding it difficult to cope with my two DSs (2.7 and 3 months), spend the whole day telling DS1 off (when most of the time he's just being a normal two year old) whilst feeding/burping/carrying DS2 around. There are so many things I want to be doing with DS1 (craft/puzzles/one to one play) but can't because I haven't yet found anything that will entertain DS2 without my constant attention

He also won't nap sp I don't get that time to play with DS1. And don't get me starte on housework, I have a pile of clean laundry the size of kilimanjaro waiting to be sorted but don't ever get a chance, there are bags of sjoppig from this morning I. The kitchen that I haven't unpacked yet, just about managed DS1s bath, but the bathroom is soaked cos he was playing up as I was having to feed DS2.

DH works really long hours at the moment, so not getting any help there, and I'm back to work the day after boxing day doing three night shifts a week, so I'll have even less time or energy to do anything Sad

I know this is just a phase, an it will pass, but I just need some hand holding and for someone to pat me on the head. And maybe come and Hoover for me!

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StitchingMoss · 21/12/2011 18:34

I hear you Smile! My DSs are now 3.6 and 2.2 but when DS2 arrived it turned my world upside down in a way I cannot describe Blush.

My tips?

Accept any help you can get - friends/family/anything you can pay for if that's an option

Accept the barest minimum is going to get done in the way of housework

Sling (DS2 wouldn't nap either, a sling was a godsend)

Involve DS1 in as many things as possible, i.e. helping put away shopping, putting washing in the machine. It will take longer but it will make him feel special cos it's something DS2 can't do.

Get out as much as possible!

It does get better Smile.

butterflyexperience · 21/12/2011 18:38

Get out as much as possible and get everyone to nap inculding yourself during the day

TheGoddessBlossom · 21/12/2011 18:48

Agree with getting out. Even if it's carnage to get there everything seems better when you are with people in the same situation. Make some friends at a coffee morning, with other mothers etc.

FWIW I remember how isolating and stressful it is when you have two near that age - I remember just wanting to put a load of washing in the tumble drier in the garage and DS2 crawling out after me and just feeling so trapped and frustrated and just sitting on the floor with my head in my hands crying. Tough times. I went back to work when he was 15 months. It does get easier I promise, this is probably the hardest time.

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Original poster
BelinaTheTurkey · 21/12/2011 19:32

Stitching believes me, if anyone offers to help I have no problem accepting it! MIL had DS1 for a couple of hours so I could do a food shop, but DS2 is such a big feeder I can't really palm him off on anyone. Yet! Tried a sling but he's not too keen in the house, though will nap in it when we're out. Good idea to involve DS1 more, I always mean to but I end up doing it myself cos it's quicker.

Goddess I have been putting more effort with getting out and it does help, I guess it's just when I get home and the house is a pit that I feel really shit. I'm relying on it getting easier, hopefully when DS2 is a bit bigger they can interact more.

It's hard, but there are times that make it worthwhile. Just had a lovely cuddle and storytime with DS1 before bed, then DS2 just started laughing, his first proper belly lagh, and the two of them ended up in fits Smile

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StitchingMoss · 21/12/2011 19:39

It is hard to pass over the baby, but if someone can have DS1 that will help as you can achieve so much more with only one! Do you have any friends who you can offer recipricol babysitting too, even if it's only for an hour?

IKWYM about things being quicker to do yourself, but sometimes I found it helped to make the day pass quicker if I did things slower with DS1 if that makes sense? He used to love helping (still does) and it made him feel very grown up and compensated for having to share his mummy's attention.

It's lovely when they laugh together Smile. Just put my two to bed and am sat here listening to their lovely chatter over the monitor Smile.

lisaro · 21/12/2011 19:41

In my experience (backed up by friends) the second child is a much bigger shock to the human and housework system. Don't beat yourself up.

Original poster
BelinaTheTurkey · 21/12/2011 19:58

Will be getting him to help more tomorrow", have a teeny tiny kitchen so will be cramped, but hopefully will work. Just as long as I can put DS2 down without him screaming his head off, cos that upsets DS1 as much as not getting my attention

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curlytoes · 21/12/2011 20:21

I've no new advice but just wanted to say I feel for you and it absolutely does get easier. My DCs are now 5,3 and 18 months and we are juggling all our needs much better than when we had little babies in the family. Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself and your kids. Also yes, get out of the house lots. I bet you're doing a fab job.

Rascal79 · 22/12/2011 19:02

I too feel your pain. My two are 22 months and 3 1/2 months and OMG its hard work. I knew that it would be but I feel so rubbish a lot of the time because I am having to split my time between them but am not actually giving either of them any quality time. I am relying on things getting better too but I do agree that when one of them does something new, amazing or funny it just makes it all worthwhile and makes me want to cry!! Big hugs xx

rhetorician · 22/12/2011 20:06

sympathies here too - dd1 is 2.11, dd2 18 days old, and some days are just so so tough. DD1 is very strong willed and quite tricky and has really been acting up, particularly at the end of the day when she is tired and we are tired - it's hard to keep being consistent with her when all you want to do is lie down in a cool dark room and not talk to anyone. At all. And I know she needs positive attention and reassurance, and we really try to do this, but when she deliberately sets out to be naughty, or to do something that she knows pisses us off...well. Good luck - if you find the answer please do pass it on!

MonaPomona · 22/12/2011 21:25

Hi Belina, I am in the same boat, with ds1 3yrs 3 months and ds2 15 weeks. Today was a disaster and I feel terrible because I lost my temper seriously with ds1 several times and that just inflames this situation. He hits ds2 which really makes me lose it, I put him outside the back door today in the dark in his vest (for about 20 secs) I was soooo angry. Still it was cruel but we are in a horrible cycle of him being naughty to get attention even though it's bad attention and I cant stop getting angry as I'm so tired - eg ds1 comes into bed with me at 5.30am frequently earlier (4.46am today) and I have generally just fed ds2 and am trying to get back to sleep. I cannot put ds2 down easily, he screams, he likes to be held - would have been a perfect 1st baby. I feel so sorry for him because I hardly give him any attention some days as ds1 demands it all the time. the hardest thing is getting the energy together to do nice things with ds1 and its dispiriting when we have a lovely time together then ds1 spoils it by deliberately bumping heads with ds2.
I like the house tidy too, so I get ds1 to hoover, he loves it and we dust together but generally it's a total tip. I try to keep thinking, oh, I'll miss all this when they wont get up and dont want to spend time with me....
well, tomorrow is another day, and I promise I will try to do better.
Hugs xx

chocolatchaud · 22/12/2011 21:33

I know it is SO hard at this time - but IME, 6 months is a turning point. The delight on DS1's face when DS2 sat up playing with a train set for the first time is unforgettable!

Until then, try not to worry about the house. A messy house is not a sign that you are not coping, it is just that you have better things to do with your time.

I used to sit down on the floor whilst feeding DS2 and play games (that didn't involve moving!) with DS1. I think he enjoyed it, and didn't even notice DS2 was there. I also got very adept at bouncing the bouncy chair with one foot to keep DS2 quiet - he never stopped crying, and slept little.

It does seem so trying, but honestly, it will be short-lived and you will soon be back on here asking how to stop them fighting!

rhetorician · 22/12/2011 21:34

have just read back my own post and realised that my phrasing is quite revealing - I need to address the fact that dd1 must feel that she is in the way, or a nuisance, a problem to be dealt with - not all of the time, but at least some of the time :( Blush

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