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Parenting

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Original poster

When to leave children alone with no adult in the mornings?

24 replies

OhWesternWind · 21/12/2011 07:25

Sorry about the title, but I am going to start a new job in a few weeks which will involve quite an early start, definitely before school time. My mum has said she will take the children in the mornings which is brilliant but I don't want her to feel obliged to do this every day. The children are 9 and 6 and sensible but I am not sure when would be a good time/age for them to get themselves ready for school and to school by themselves. There are no busy roads to cross or anything, it's just them getting sorted out with breakfast and making their lunches (they do this anyway but with me watching) and then actually going to school. My mum would be on the other end of the phone if anything went wrong. I am thinking maybe after the summer? They will then be 10 and 7, the eldest in the last year of primary school so will be off on the bus alone to secondary school the year after anyway!

I know by the time I was 10 I had a doorkey and was getting me and my younger brother to school and back again but times have changed.

Any thoughts welcome.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/12/2011 07:40

I'm a bit funny about mornings. I have to make sure they're safe and sound with a good breakfast inside them and wave them off at the door, even if it's early. But my DS (11) has a key so that he can let himself back in after walking home from school in the afternoon - so that probably makes me a hypocrite :) A 10yo can probably look after themselves but I'd worry, tbh, about leaving them in charge of a 7yo. 9 and 6, even moreso. Take gran up on the kind offer.

sommewhereelse · 21/12/2011 07:53

I think it's a lot to expect especially the responsibility of locking up the house, making sure all the taps are properly turned off etc.

I also had a doorkey aged 10 but I was the youngest in the family and like Cogito's son, it was for coming back home before parents.

yousankmybattleship · 21/12/2011 07:57

I think they're far too young. Sorry.

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fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 08:10

10 and 7 is way to young!! your mum has offered to help out - you need to do the sensible thing and allow her do do that.

Original poster

OhWesternWind · 21/12/2011 08:38

So - looking at this the other way round, could I ask the same question but for them being on their own an hour or so after school?

OP posts:

fuzzypeach1750 · 21/12/2011 08:42

An hour or so after school seems ok to me. Especially for the 10 year old. At that time of day all they will want to do is grab a snack and bunker down in front of the TV while mum isn't there. Before school it's a different ball game, what if one has a test or pe and doesn't want to go so doesn't? or is wobbly about something coming up in the day and needs you? Obviously everyones DC are different but I know that my lot wouldn't be ready for being left alone before school at that age (pains in the arse that they are )

hellhasnofury · 21/12/2011 08:44

What about security? Do you really want a 10 year old to be responsible for ensuring the house is securely closed up before they leave for school in the mornings? Your mum has offered. I think I'd be taking her up on that offer for a couple of years yet.

EdithWeston · 21/12/2011 08:47

The 10 year old would be fine.

But I think that is too young for the responsibility of being in charge of a younger sibling.

BellaVita · 21/12/2011 08:53

I think they are far too young to be left for mornings and after school tbh.

yousankmybattleship · 21/12/2011 09:23

I wouldn't leave them on their own after school either. It isn't just the safety aspect, it is the fact they they might need to talk to you about things that have happened in the day. They are still very young and I think they need the security of a loving adult to talk to and to look after them. just my opinion of course, but you did ask!

yousankmybattleship · 21/12/2011 09:24

p.s. When I first read your original post I really though you said that at 10 you had a donkey and was really jealous!

Sparklingbaubles · 21/12/2011 09:27

I read it as that as well yousank. I wondered what it had to do with anything.

Mine are 12 and 9. I still don't like the thought of 12 year old locking house and putting burglar alarm on.

BitchyHen · 21/12/2011 09:31

I leave my 13 year old (yr9) alone in the house in the mornings. My 2 younger dcs go to breakfast club at their primary school.

Viewofthehills · 21/12/2011 09:34

Absolutely too young. Just because they are quite responsible, doesn't mean they should be given the burden of that responsibility imo.
If they basically sort themselves out they should be a joy for you mum to look after. If they are safe to walk themselves to school I would say that is great, but still good for an adult to wave them off from home.

Mutt · 21/12/2011 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mollymole · 21/12/2011 09:41

Both, too young and you know it

TooMaryBaubles · 21/12/2011 09:44

My dd was 10 - almost 11 - when I had to start leaving her in the mornings to get herself ready and off to school. At first I'd phone her as soon as I got to work to check she was ok. She was absolutely fine, and it gave her the confidence to be left alone for longer periods of time. She's now 13 and happily babysits for friends' children, and I don't worry too much during school holidays while me and dh are at work so she's at home from 7.00 - 18.00 apart from when she can be bothered to drag herself out of her room and out to see a friend .

However I do realise that your situation is slightly different in that you've got a younger child too. If your mum is happy to help out I would take her up on the offer - I had no option and did feel terribly guilty having to leave dd so young.

LIZS · 21/12/2011 09:48

Too much I think. How early is early ? Can another mum/neighbour/cm not take them along on for you or you drop them off with someone as you leave? Once your elder dc is at secondary it surely would n't be so easy for them to supervise younger one anyway.

defineme · 21/12/2011 09:51

Have school got a breakfast club-ours opens at 745. Everyone I know goes with the cheaper option of recipricol babysit. Eg I drop mine off at friend's at 740 on Mondays - I pick hers up from school on Tuesdays and have them for an hour.
From the end of year 5 is when kids walk to school/walk home and let themselves in, but 7 is a bit young and a bit much to expect of sibling.
Is there no one on the school run who can share the load with your mum for the 7yrold-even if you can return the favour with weekend babysitting orwhatever?

reallytired · 21/12/2011 09:53

I think that seven years old is far too young. The ten year old probably would cope, but it depends on the child. Certainly its unreasonable to expect them to be in charge of a seven year old.

alienbump · 21/12/2011 10:02

Ooh that's weird, I was only posting to say that when I read the OP I thought she said when she was 10 she had a donkey to get her and her brother to school on, then read Yousankmybattleship thought the same - do you think we're all a bit nativitied out maybe?!

lljkk · 21/12/2011 11:06

10 okay, not brilliant, but okay. I feel uncomfortable about the 7yo having to be so that independent every day. Once a month, maybe, but not daily or almost daily.

I am much more encouraging of independence than most MNers, too.

I would revisit the decision at 8yo & maybe give it a trial. At that point I would see them as a team in charge of each other, btw. How far away is your Mum, OP, if there were any problems how quickly could she come?

timetosmile · 21/12/2011 21:47

I don't think I would leave my 11 and 8 to finish off getting themselves ready and to school, and locking up the house etc..it's a busy 'job-filled' bit of the day, and although it can run pretty smoothly without any intervention from me most days, I think it's a big ask.

What do they think about it?
I leave mine alone for an hour after school most once or twice most weeks- tesco shopping, taking the younger one to swimming lesson etc, and the 11yr old sometimes lets himself in after school, but then the timekeeping isn't so important as before school.
Tbh I would take granny up on the offer and drop them off ready at her house, especially on these dark mornings. maybe give it a trial run or two in the spring and then consider doing it in the summer term?

christmashope · 22/12/2011 13:58

I think both are too young. My two boys are not at this stage yet but think i would probably consider leaving them for an hour in the morning when they are 14-15! Anything could go wrong.

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