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Parenting

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Original poster

Anyone still stay with DC at bedtime? Want to stop, ideas please?

14 replies

clottedcream · 20/12/2011 15:11

have always done this for the past few years as DS always been frightened of dark, being on own (only child as well) always nodded off easily and quickly.

I need to stop doing this soon, he will be 7 in Feb and its getting to a point
that if he wakes in the night I end up in his bed till morning.

He is genuinely scared of being on his own, he says he wants to be with me and not on his own, he gets very woked up.

Also in the day or after school I have to stand at the bottom of the stairs if he used the toilet upstairs, he has a fear of being on his own upstairs as well

will he grow out of this?

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/12/2011 15:22

I think he'll grow out of both with a little encouragement. For the toilet upstairs problem, maybe a sticker chart with rewards for going on his own might break the habit. At night you could provide things like nightlights and maybe some music or a story playing quietly in the background so that it's not deathly quiet. Then tell him to relax, close his eyes, go to sleep and that you'll be back in 10 minutes to see how he's doing. It works if any of my cubs are homesick at camp anyway - after 10 mins they're usually asleep :) And, speaking of which, when he's a little older organisations like cubs where the children get to spend time away occasionally are very good for improving their independence.

Perseverance. Good luck

Original poster

clottedcream · 20/12/2011 15:33

thanks for your words.

OP posts:

candrcane · 20/12/2011 18:55

Does he play in his bedroom?, can you do some games that involve him going up there when it is darker i.e. hide and seek so it stops being scary. You can also buy glow in the dark threads to put from his room to bathroom. Maybe do some water play activities with the bath during the day and leave him to play there for a bit (him kneeling on bathroom floor over bath) so he gets used to being in the bathroom on his own. Can always do a monster hunt and banish them with magic water (get him to cook up a magic potion in your kitchen with things that have magic properties - garlic salt, pepper etc), sprinkle in areas he is scared of.

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AngelsfromtherealmsofgloryDog · 21/12/2011 23:30

IIRC, according to Elizabeth Pantley in the No-Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers & preschoolers, most children grow out of the need/desire to have a parent stay while they fall asleep between the ages of 5 and 10.

Original poster

clottedcream · 23/12/2011 08:06

Gosh I cant wait another 3 years he's 7 now!!! I keep saying to him at 7 which is a few weeks he will hav eto start sleeping on his own. Keep planting the seed.

Think he has outgrown the reward charts and the magic away the monsters potion but I can see how this could work for younger children.

Im going to wait for the Feb half term and do the check you in 10 mins option I think - I can see this being a full on time!

Anyone else break this with their older children if so how?

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thestringcheesemassacre · 23/12/2011 08:09

We cracked DD (4yrs) with a story book, light on the landing and I did lots of pottering in my room. So she could hear me moving about. Then slowly I would say I'm just popping downstairs to put the supper on for Daddy and come up again after a couple of minutes. And then lengthen that time.

Original poster

clottedcream · 23/12/2011 08:14

yes I wish I had done this at 4 he is nearly 7 so very accute to whats going on!

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JoinTheDots · 23/12/2011 08:17

From a different perspective, I used to insist mum stayed with me when I was young (I out grew it at between 6 and 7) and also used to insist she was near when I went to the loo. I outgrew that at roughly the same time. I thought I was the only one!

Not sure how to speed up the confidence but I remember having sleep overs helped s bit as mum was not there for those (although I was not alone either) but it broke the pattern somewhat.

Diamondwhite · 23/12/2011 20:26

We have the same with ds2 who is almost 7. I think he is genuinely scared. I sit with him him an evening. When he wakes in the night he just comes and gets in our bed. I don't have the energy to have a battle tbh. I used to do this until I was about 10 as well.

AngelsfromtherealmsofgloryDog · 23/12/2011 23:29

Another thought. It's worth having a look at what they're reading or watching on TV.

I used to be scared at night (especially if on my own) until I was about 25. What made a real difference was stopping reading anything vaguely scary. A lot of children's books are prety frightening IMO, even those which aren't 'horror' books. (eg stories with friendly ghosts in can still feed an active imagination).

seeker · 24/12/2011 08:30

With dd we agreed that I would leave her, but I would set the timer for 10 minutes, and go back and check on her and say goodnight every 10 minutes until she was asleep.

Does he have a nightlight? The door open? A story tape or music to listen to?

Original poster

clottedcream · 27/12/2011 21:44

got to the bottom of abit of it tonight..... he asked me to cuddle him tight as he was havig bad thoughts. I said that he should block the thoughts out of his head and replace them with nice ones. I said that I was here and was going nowhere and that it was all ok. He then said but when you are in heaven you wont be with me Mummy, in the past he has spoken about death and that I wont be with him (This stemmed from being told the Easer story earlier this yr at school and a trip to the local church with a graveyard as well)

I think it is a fear and an understanding of death that I wont be there him etc... he feels frightened, scared and anxious and this escalates at night perhaps????

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BlueberryPancake · 29/12/2011 17:00

I got out of it by waiting until they are drowsy and well settled (I have two boys, 6 and 4 yo, they share a bedroom) and telling them that I was in the bedroom next door folding some clothes or something or other. I do stay upstairs for a bout ten minutes by which time they are fast asleep. I also used the 'I will come back in five minutes to give you another kiss' trick and both together worked fine.

I think that some children need the reassurance and it's fine to give it to them.

michglas · 29/12/2011 17:05

I don't know what the solution is but I still remember my experiences as a child between 5 and 7. I had a real phobia of being on my own in the house. It was a 3-storey house and on the middle floor was a long wall mirror. If you stood in front of it, you could see the stairs going upstairs and downstairs behind you. I honestly thought things were going to jump out of the mirror at me, or witches and ghosts would come up the stairs and get me. Every night, I climbed into my sisters cot and I used to drag her round the stairs with me. It suddenly stopped when we moved house.

Have you tried looking round the house to see if there is anything that could be sparking your son's imagination and spooking him out?

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