Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

My nearly-three-year-old is doing my head in.

18 replies

plantsitter · 15/12/2011 22:19

Everything's a battle. Everything I say is wrong. If we deviate even slightly from what she expected to happen everything goes tits up. I sometimes find myself blindly obeying her commands because she's JUST SO BOSSY. She refuses to have her afternoon nap which she clearly still needs.

She's also cute and funny and loving, but... aaaargh!!! Is this normal? Is it just nearly three or should I start seeking expert behavioural/parenting advice??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MULLYPEEP · 15/12/2011 22:23

Yes, normal. I am allowed to sing or even bop my head to the christmas cd in the car. She bellows 'I'm singing'. The afternoon nap thing is difficult. Could she still go in her cot and play for an hour even if she doesnt sleep?

Olipop · 15/12/2011 22:27

Oh hello!!!! sounds like my house! Coupled with delightful tantrum tactic of laying face down and blowing a river of bogies onto self and floor.....nice! she is being very challenging! also pretty lovely.

Notanexcitingname · 15/12/2011 22:29

I diagnose a threenager . I think the only cure is age. I put cbeebies on for half an hour in lieu of a nap, which does help a little.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

twinsufficient · 15/12/2011 22:30

I hope it's normal! I have dts who will be 3 on xmas eve and they are an absolute nightmare most of the time. When I ask them what they want for breakfast they'll say cereal or toast and then moan when that's what they get! Getting them both in the car 4 times a day (to collect dd1) is a constant battle and I often feel like screaming. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that dd1 was the same and eventually grew out of it! Keep going, there is light at the end of the tunnel!

worriedsilly · 15/12/2011 22:30

My 3 year old is the work of the devil and fuelled by demons hard work.

It's a shock as her big sister has only ever had one tantrum. This young one just tears up tarmac. I'm going on a pareting course in the new year, although I think she needs a course in humanity.

Love her though, she's ace. Am hoping it's a phase and she isn't really demonic. She gives good cuddles so there is hope.

Original poster

plantsitter · 15/12/2011 22:33

Thanks for your stories. I feel a little better knowing it's normal (and a little better thinking ''at least she's not twins" - sorry and no offence twinsufficient!).

I have occasionally duped her into a nap by putting a DVD on and her under her duvet on the sofa, but she's recently wised up to that tactic - 'no, the dubet's for bed-time, mummy'...

OP posts:

Olipop · 15/12/2011 22:35

ah the breakfast thing, I get that too until I am actually questioning whether I made the wrong thing and didn't listen. i also get into serious trouble for saying 'mmmmm' instead of a nice clear 'yes'. I get told to 'say it properly mummy'. I guess she is right really.

Jojay · 15/12/2011 22:36

My just 3 yo is just the same.

At every meal time, something is wrong. The wrong cutlery, wrong coloured straw. 'I want cheese on toast NO NO NO NOT cheese on toast' etc etc

And he's 100 times worse when tired.

The more choices I give him the worse he gets so I've given up giving him a choice about practically anything. I give him what I want to give him, amd if he doesn't like it, touh. It causes some strops but it's better than going round the houses trying to make things perfect for him, as it never will be.

The do grow out of it, but I feel you pain

worriedsilly · 15/12/2011 22:39

Oh and a certain amount of giving up is ok I think. Our toddler mostly (only) eats noodles and toast. And vitamin sweets.

Hey ho.

winnybella · 15/12/2011 22:41

Oh yes. Oh God, yes. It'll pass soon(ish), at least I hope so for my sanity's sake.

Here, have a

Janni · 15/12/2011 22:43

Very normal. Take deep breaths and walk away. Only fight the important battles and, even then, use as few words as possible. When their verbal skills are increasing they LOVE the opportunity to practise arguing with mum so the more you argue with them the more you reinforce this. Have a phrase you stick to when you've made up your mind. Mine was 'I'm sorry you don't like it, but that's just the way it is'. I now have teenagers and my phrase is 'We'll have to agree to disagree' !!

Original poster

plantsitter · 15/12/2011 22:47

Janni - 'When their verbal skills are increasing they LOVE the opportunity to practise arguing with mum so the more you argue with them the more you reinforce this. ' sort of explains EVERYTHING! Sometimes she definitely doesn't want to do something just because I've suggested it. It's funny watching her backtrack when it's somthing like 'shall we have a nice sit-down and a biscuit?'!

OP posts:

onelittlefish · 15/12/2011 22:52

My 2 1/2 year old tries to order me around. I don't let him - although it is quite hard to resist when he flashes his smile and bats his eyelashes. He knows how to rap me round his finger.

Janni · 15/12/2011 23:01

And the more you offer things as a choice, the more chance they have to practise 'No!'. I found that saying 'this is what we're going to do now' worked better at this age - sometimes if you just confidently lead they follow, better than if you say 'Shall we do this/that or do you want this/that?' - too much choice can actually be quite confusing for a small child as they want everything!!

ballstoit · 15/12/2011 23:04

2.5 year old DD2 is like this 3 or 4 days a week, 4 year old DD1 is like it the other half...DS and I spend our time justifying why we won't do what they tell us to do

Classic example from the weekend, DD2 decided she didn't want to get dressed. Took 20 minutes of stuffing her octopus like limbs into clothes as I wanted her to be dressed before extended family arrived for lunch. I went into the kitchen, sweaty and stressed, to get on with preparing lunch. 10 minutes later, DD2 wandered in stark naked . She was still naked when my parents arrived but quite happily let my Mum get her dressed.

As I sobbed into my cuppa discussed this with my Mum later she offered the following tip;

Say Yes when you can, say No when you must. It didn't really matter if she was in her pjs for Sunday lunch and I wasted time and energy battling it with her. Best to save the time and energy for the battles that really matter.

She has been easier this week as I try to control my inner control freak .

DD1 is getting easier anyway, as she is beginning to understand both logic and bribery.

ballstoit · 15/12/2011 23:08

Notanexcitingname is also spot on with the CBeebies thing...DD2 has half an hour's Peppa Pig after lunch most days, which means we get the break from each other that a nap used to bring.

I do love her really.

BsshBossh · 16/12/2011 10:49

Very normal and yes it will pass.

My 3.5yo can be a handful as she's extremely verbal and loves arguing. She's asserting herself and discovering her independence with force. I don't give her many choices now, to be honest, and I use a lot of distraction and humour which seems to work really well. I hardly ever bother arguing back.

It's a necessary developmental phase that they have to go through.

notasausage · 16/12/2011 21:56

Good to see I'm not alone. I have a 3yr old and a 3 month old at the same time and on my own 3 days a week as DH works away. It was like she changed into the devil child 2 days before her birthday and we had a day of her shouting NO in my face with every request. We've resorted to bribery and the resurection of the sticker chart. The loss of a sticker early on for refusing to do pretty much everything associated with bedtime resulted in meltdown but has produced a much more co-operative DD.

They are funny and frustrating in equal measure!

Flip