toddlerland yikes!

[ericblair]

My lovely 15 month old refuses to sleep in his own cot (cosleeping so bad?), chucks all his food on the floor (is the food yuk?), has started hitting me (do I deserve it?), and whinging almost incessantly (do I ignore him too much to get on with housework?). Am I a rubbish mummy? I have no help during day and made a conscious decision to look after him myself as opposed to putting him in a nursery. Recently I've begun revising my opinionated decision. Any quick tips?

welcome to the club!
Ds and i cosleep, he bf's half the night, more than his new sister. Barely touches solids since her arrival. Has been hitty and overly affectionate (read violent hugging) for a while. Can be whiney at times.

It's all part of the package for me. Like you i've chosen to look after him (and dd)my self. It can feel intense at times at is also really exciting to see him develope so fast.

I'm trying to give him as much attention as possible as a)i want to and b)i know it's good for them in the long run. Plus i think he needs it in light of dd's arrival.

You might like the site a-ha parenting (sorry can't link as on phone) for reassurance that your ds's behaviour is normal.

I naively thought ds would not hit, as he doesn't see hitting happen.

At a group today i overheard some mums say of my ds "he's grabbing again, that's not nice" (he was trying to (clumsily) cuddle another toddler who was not distressed. I seperated them asap) I nearly laughed in their faces. Just wait till their as yet immobile babies get a bit older!

My only tip is let the housework go! Actually maybe develop selective hearing too.
Are you unhappy with your present situation or just needing reassurance?

There is a developmental leap at around 15 m.o. which can lead to more unsettled behaviour day & night.

I think it sounds like normal toddler behaviour and nothing to do with being a rubbish mummy.

I'm lucky that DS isn't much of a hitter, but we say 'hitting hurts - touch gently please' and model a gentle stroke. It did help.

Hi Moon and thanks for replying. I just need reassuring I suppose and only posted as a dear friend of mine took ds out to the park to give me some respite. At times it's literally about needing a break to breathe and gather and regenerate a bit. The cosleeping thing we quite enjoy too. The hitting thing not so much but I haveto work on myself there as I tend to show him I'm upset. (Yesterday even broke down sobbing and went into bedroom. He followed me in and cuddled me so is it so wrong to do that? Well, yes, as today he was back to hitting again.)

Letting the housework go isn't easy for clean freak busy bee like me...

Ds, too, likes cuddling other tots and I've noticed other mums aren't always relaxed about it. Maybe that says more about them than it does about a 15 month old. (Having said that he has taken to subsequently hitting them when his cuddles aren't reciprocated! Maybe he's just an overly sensitive chap?)

Eric Sounds pretty normal to me, not that this makes it any less frustrating of course.

Like you I have no help and am a SAHM to mine, I find I feel a real failure if we have phases of poor behaviour as if I am failing at my job or something.

My youngest is nearly 18 months and has been a lot more tricky the last 3 months. We were having terrible tantrums but I found taking her to the spare room where I have a travel cot set up and putting her in there until she stops the tantrum pretty much stopped them within a week. I needed to put her somewhere safe for the tantrums because she was extremely wild, throwing herself about but it worked well because it taught her that she got no attention for having a tantrum.

She is still very opinionated and whingy and has tried to bite me a few times. After the success with the travel cot for the tantrums I am now doing that for the biting. Partly to try to teach her that if you bite you get 2 minutes being bored on your own and it isn't fun so don't bite. But partly because it gives me 2 minutes away from her and lets me cool down so I don't end up yelling at her which I doubt would achieve anything

With food she sin't too bad but my older one was awful and food was always on the floor. After getting very frustrated I decided on a 'once its gone its gone' rule. So as soon as something was thrown off the plate or on the floor that was it it was gone and I wouldn't give her anything else. I think we had a week where she was pretty miserable and hungry but after that she got the idea, it was hard to do but effective.

Hope things improve soon!

www.ahaparenting.com/ Ta for great link MoonFace btw.

Thanks Speccy.