I feel like a rubbish mum

[FunkyMonkey1983]

I'm such a crap mum at the moment and I feel really bad for my DD who is 11 months. She has been teething recently and now has a cold so hasn't been sleeping much so I'm functioning on very little sleep. She has also started screaming randomly (not in an upset way, just screaming, mostly at dinnertime) and I find it hard to be the happy mum I should be.

Add to that returning to work last month to a job I don't like and although it's only part time is very busy and stressful.

DH is being very supportive and does most of the housework and cooking but as DD is still breastfed she only wants me when she's not feeling great. I probably made a rod for my own back as she's still fed to sleep (as MIL keeps pointing out).

I don't know why I'm posting, just needed to vent I guess.

You poor thing, I can sympathise as i BF DD exclusively too until she was well over 1 yr. It is so hard, and YOU ARE NOT A CRAP MUM, you have to believe that. This time of year when it's cold and dark things always seem harder, don't beat yourself up and make sure you have some time for just you.

You are not a rubbish mum.

You obv care for dd but sounds like u need to vent. Sometimes I go into a room by myself and scream! Sounds mad but releases stress.

I remember the feeling. It was especially hard because I'd just returned to work around 12-13 months, DS was BF, it's that time of year when he gets ill and only wanted me and boob

He was also fed to sleep!

You're going through changes with the return to work which will naturally unsettle your DD a bit but it will get easier I promise you. The BF is great because you're doing something that's special and unique to you both. The lack of sleep is a killer but it will pass. Try and take regular breaks at work if you can and use those days to eat properly etc.

So ignore your MIL, she talks rubbish. DS is 2 and stopped feeding to sleep reliably after about 14 months or so? So naturally shifted to self settling with me/DH in the room.

Enjoy the days off with your DD but don't feel guilty for doing nothing but potter! Think of it as recharging your DD's batteries and chilling with her mum.

Oh I do sympathise! My two are now in their twenties, but I can still remember the stress of sleepless nights and a job I hated. I also remember the stage where dd discovered screaming and squealing "for fun".

I would recommend confiding in some friends who have children (especially those whose children are a little older). Just hearing that someone else understands and has been through what you are going through can help. If they offer practical help - accept it! Maybe even ask if they would look after her for an hour, and if they will, then do something nice for yourself and don't feel guilty about it - it will be a positive step towards being "the happy mum you should be". You can't just magic happiness out of thin air.

The other thing that helped (though you may not have time to arrange this) was an informal group of friends who met to do something creative with pre-school children. We met up and had "messy play", which the children loved and so did the adults! In fact my friend recently reminded me of how our children used to play with the duplo while we painted pictures!

Thanks for the replies, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this sort of thing.

I like the idea of going into a room and screaming by myself but I might upset my neighbours!

Unfortunately I don't have any other mum-friends that I could get together with, my friends either don't have children or have children that are in High School. My sister has a DS about the same age as my DD but she lives at the other end of the country!

Maybe I'll try spend some time just with DD without trying to do other stuff and hope for the best!

FunkyMonkey sounds like you could do with finding some mum-friends! After Xmas can you make plans to start going to a baby/toddler group on one of the days you are at home?

Sorry just realised that sounded a bit patronising - I just meant that it can be a complete lifesaver IME to have friends around who understand and you can moan to. I feel like a crap mummy a lot but then my other mummy friends usually make me feel a bit less crap.

Another lifesaver I found was to have a large mug of tea while the DCs had their tea, which helped keep my caffeine levels up till they went to bed!

I did a lot of singing when my children were screaming, not only to distract my but also to distract me! And I second what the others wrote, cup of tea, deep breaths in and out, etc, anything that may work to get your attention away from the screaming, etc. And maybe we need to all accept that sometimes we will feel the pressure is too much to take, but you are not alone and you are most definitely not a bad mother!