Do they really need to do 'clubs'? Does anyone else's child not do them?

[Matildathebrave]

We have tried everything here, Cubs, football, karate, drama even piano. DS has loved them at first but never stayed at anything for more than 6 months then given up.

DD has tried a few but not stayed at anything either.

So here we are again with 4 and 9 year old not belonging to any clubs or having any out of school interests/activities.

Does it really matter? Why am I getting so stressed over it!

It doesn't matter for your DD (assuming she is the 4 year old) but at 9 it is possibly more important.

That said, DS2 is 9 and doesn't do many after school clubs. He just isn't into sport that much, and is rather a 'homebird'. The only thing he's really stuck with is a drama group on a Saturday morning.

Once they get to senior school it helps if they have some interests/ hobbies, as that's what often defines their friendship groups. In my experience (with older DS) the ones who don't have any hobbies or outside interests are the ones who seem to waste their lives on Facebook and the Xbox

I don't think it matters too much.

As they get older it is nice for them to have an interest as like a previous poster said it becomes a way of them making friends and developing a social group but you can't force them to be interested.

If the 9 year old is not interested in any of the school clubs perhaps look and see what is available locally, what are his interests?

My 9 year old DD refused all the school clubs but has recently joined a brownies group and loves it and will be starting a youth club after christmas.

DS is 6. He does swimming once a week. That is only because me and DH insisted on it. He really hated the idea at first, but now loves it and is doing really well. He does nothing else. He does not want to, I do not force him. One of his friends does something every single day of the week including weekends. Then his mum moans when he does not get many lines in the school nativity. Could it be that the teacher knows he will be too knackered to learn any of them??? At church yesterday afternoon (after a football match and a party) he looked completely wiped out. Then the mum needles me about why I "don't let"" my DS do anything. I tell her he doesn't want to. If she does it once more I am going to tell her that at least my son is a happy chap unlike her morose unhappy lad.

No, it doesn't matter OP. He's only 9. He will go to clubs etc if/when he's ready. Maybe he's just more of an independent type who prefers his own company? Nothing wrong with that.

Thanks all. He does normally take part in the after school club once a week but didn't really count that as an out of school club, but yes I suppose it is.

I asked him what does he want to do, what is he interested in, what does he want to learn. He just says 'nothing!'

He is very happy at home, he loves school and is doing well, he loves playing, loves having a friend round and playing with his younger sister.

He just hates organised clubs of any sort. He doesn't like any type of sport.

I think I'll just have to accept it, that's how he is bless him.

I don't think it matters, so long as he's not wasting his free time on Wii, TV etc (which is sounds like he's not). Be watchful of that in the future though...

By the way, I only did swim club at that age. I was not a club type of girl. I did love hanging out at home, with my friends and reading though. I think I turned out fine .

I hated clubs and still too (hence my occasional rant about the expectation that new mothers should join baby groups). I hated (and still hate) sport too. But what I did take up was climbing and that was great because it wasn't 'clubby' or 'sporty' in the traditional sense but was fantastic exercise. One could climb with a friend but could also mix with others if one was feeling a bit more outgoing. And it didn't matter if you were having a good day or a bad one because all the climbing routes had easy and tricky climbs on each section so there was none of that dispiriting 'letting the team down' stuff.

Just an idea.

I think it is good for children and can do confidence a lot of good IMO.

Have you thought about St John Ambulance Badgers?

My 7 yo ds doesn't do any clubs - we can't afford them and he has no interest in them.

I was forced to do at least one a night (2 some nights) plus extra on weekends and hated it. It just made me anxious (I was under a lot of pressure) resentful and exhausted.

I appreciate these are both the extreme ends of the spectrum but I think as long as you do interesting activities with kids and socialise then they're not a necessity.

I wouldn't mind if they had interests. I would be concerned if they were just on computer and tv most of the time, which is what mine gravitate too as a default.
My dc all like going to lots of clubs but I wouldn't force them. Some children are more solitary.