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Parenting

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Original poster

If they refuse to eat their dinner ...

25 replies

deaddennis · 09/01/2006 18:25

and 5 minutes later they're whinging because they're hungry, do you give them something else to eat?

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roisin · 09/01/2006 18:31

No I wouldn't give them an alternative.
Has the dinner gone in the bin?
How old are they?

charliecat · 09/01/2006 18:32

no, not there and then, maybe a banana or apple before bed.

grammaticus · 09/01/2006 18:33

NO, no, no! I keep their plate of food available and give it back to them cold for the next hour and a half (figure it can't go bad in that time). Usually they eat it in the end. If they don't, I might give them fruit or toast.

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Original poster

deaddennis · 09/01/2006 18:34

I've let them have a piece of fruit but that's it. It is really p1ssing me off at the moment, I go through this every bloody night. The main offenders are 5 and 4.

OP posts:

emily05 · 09/01/2006 18:35

no. If they realise there is an alternative and that you will give in they will never eat their dinner. Also it gets expensive! Stick to your guns and they will learn and they will eat if they are hungry enough.

NannyL · 09/01/2006 18:39

i most certainly would not...

if they eat it all / most of it they get pudding

if they eat quite a bit (but not the said bit for pudding) then no pudding and they get down. (they always have a snack before bed of a sandwich / toast / cereal anyway so they will be offered that as usuals before bed)

if the really dont eat very much at all then thats it. NOTHING else til breakfast, tho they can have it back microwaved again when its evening snack time if they want!

Original poster

deaddennis · 09/01/2006 18:43

What if they say they didn't like it?

OP posts:

fruitful · 09/01/2006 18:52

I try to make sure there is something on the plate that I know dd likes. And she has to eat a little bit of everything. Usually, not liking it is just tough. Being able to eat things that you don't like is a useful skill! There are some things I know she doesn't like so I give her a substitute - eg she hates cooked mushrooms but likes them raw. But if I let her, the list of "not-likes" would be huge. So we don't do that.

Sometimes I've cooked something new and its a bit of a disaster - in which case I'll agree and we'll have toast!

And if she doesn't make a reasonable attempt at the meal she doesn't get anything else till the next meal (or milk at bedtime). She is 3.5.

NannyL · 09/01/2006 18:53

well if mine say they dont like it they go hungry!

they are both good eaters... and generally i give them foods that i KNOW they like, and when offering new things have things they like as well.

TBH at the moment both my 2 tell me they dont like it nearly every meal, drives me mad!, but i KNOW they like it and i simply reply "well then you will be VERY hungry at bed time / tea time or whatever!" they always sit odwn and eat it.

IMO food is food. It all tastes nice enough!

Mine also know alot about nutrition (as much as a 3 and 5 year odl can understand!) they know that at EVERY meal we have protein to make us grow. Veg for vitamins to keep us healthy and carbohydrate to give us energy!

They also know about certain foods eg
Milk / yogurt / cheese etc = calcium. STRONG bones

Green veg and meat = iron = healthy blood

salmon = omega 3 = healthy brain

fruit and tomatoes = vit C to help stop colds

carrots = see in the dark

Generally a light hearted converstaion about what they are eating and how it is good for them makes them eat it! and if not they go hungry! (the reality is the VERY rarely dont eat it tho!.... which im sure is becuase they know there is nothing else!

Mercy · 09/01/2006 19:02

ds (22 mnths) is a terrible eater. Started off great but has ended up very fussy - and I have endured 5 months of this.

No real advice as my fussy eater is somewhat younger and I have to use different tactics. B

But if they say don't like it don't offer that particular meal again. Why should children be made/coerced to eat something they don't like? (if you feel that's a genuine reason). 5 mins isn't very long tbh, maybe pursue for longer.

Have you tried asking them what their fave dinner is? (from a list of your choice obv)

omega2 · 09/01/2006 19:16

Children often say they don't like something and you know full well they do!

Do you sit and eat with your children? If so just carry on eating and ignore them - if they don't want to eat then they can sit and wait for everyone to finish and then leave the table. If they are hungry later them give them the left over dinner possibly reheated as it tastes better that way.

Orinoco · 09/01/2006 20:50

Message withdrawn

Elibean · 09/01/2006 21:01

Mine is only just 2, and a great eater when not ill/teething, so probably different tactics. But she always has a snack (fruit, maybe bread/butter) with her milk before bed, so I don't worry about her waking up in the middle of the night hungry. And she gets the snack no matter what she eats at dinner (1 1/2 hours between them).
But no, unless she's ill/teething I wouldn't give her an alternative immediately. I always include foods she likes with new foods, and if she doesn't eat its because she's not hungry.

WestCountryLass · 09/01/2006 21:32

No, DS gets his dinner and if he doesn't eat it cos not hungry at the time I will save it and reheat it later if he is hungry (if he does not eat it at all I will throw it away).

saadia · 09/01/2006 22:35

I would never knowingly let them go hungry. If they didn't want their dinner and later on asked for something healthy I would let them have it. For example, today ds1 had cheese omelette wth bread and butter for lunch. He didn't finish it but later on said he was hungry and asked for "just pasta, no sauce" so I let him have it.

To some extent I feel that their body tells them what they need and I particularly wouldn't let let them go to sleep hungry as that is when growth occurs so I don't want to inhibit that in any way.

Original poster

deaddennis · 09/01/2006 22:40

Maybe I'm being a bit mean then. Half the time they won't even try it, it really is annoying. Even if I give them fish fingers and chips, there is no guarantee they will eat it.

OP posts:

paolosgirl · 09/01/2006 22:45

Nope - they go hungry! They may get a bit of toast before bedtime, but they don't get anything straight after dinner if they haven't eaten it.

fireflyfairy2 · 09/01/2006 22:50

I agree with the womble

kleist · 09/01/2006 22:59

deaddennis, sounds like they're trying their luck with you a bit, no? I'd stick to your guns if I were you, especially if it's happening every night.

But I do agree with orinoco and others who disbelieve a child should be made to eat what they genuinely don't like and especially that they only get pudding if they clear their plate. As well as the risks orinoco mentions it also belittles the enjoyablility of the main course if it's just a means to pudding!

Tortington · 09/01/2006 23:45

if mine got up at 3 am they would be put back in bed and then they would eat their breakfast if they were really that hungry.

i agree about the finish your plate thing - you can tell when a kid has had a good go at eatng whats on their plate and when they are pissing about.

so no issues over leaving stuff if your full

handlemecarefully · 10/01/2006 00:05

Nope, I tell them "tough- should have eaten your dinner"

handlemecarefully · 10/01/2006 00:08

Although I agree with a previous poster that I always include something on the plate that I know they like such as broccoli or carrot (so that they don't feel too phased when confronted with a meal they might not be too fussed about)

colditz · 10/01/2006 01:51

He is only presented with meals that I know he likes at least half of. He is allowed to leave things he doesn't like if he has actually tasted them, and still get pudding. He isn't allowed to leave things I know he likes and still get pudding.

I used to let him have pudding regardless of what he ate, but he started just sitting in front of his meals, ignoring them, waiting for pudding.

I will, however, keep an untouched meal and serve it heated up 2 hours later, and if it is eaten then, pudding may be forthcoming.

I look at it this way. He has breakfast, midmorning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack, tea, and supper at 8:30 pm (he has a late bedtime for logistical reasons...).

He is not going to starve, or suffer, or get anything more than extra interested in the next meal if he skips one of these.

grammaticus · 10/01/2006 13:51

I think that's right about not making them clear their plates, just have a go at some of / all of the different things on the plate. Do many people insist on plate-clearing?

kleist · 10/01/2006 14:04

I never insist on plate clearing. I do insist that a reasonable effort is made and never give in to requests for pudding. Although I'm wondering what other people mean by pudding ... dd usually gets fruit. Or at grandma's icecream. Occasionally we might get something nice like a chocolate cake. I really don't believe in making pudding some kind of holy grail of mealtimes. Often dd doesn't want pudding.

Dd's got a very small appetite. She doesn't have snacks between meals, rarely eats breakfast, but will have a decent lunch and an ok dinner. She's fine on that. She's never woken at 3am hungry. She's got mates who eat so much I can't believe it, but she just doesn't need it so I gave up a long time ago trying to force unwanted food on her.

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