I am nervous of mad mother-in-law on christmas day

[monstamum]

My mum-in-law has asked us all to have christmas dinner at hers on christmas day (including my parents). We usually have everybody round to ours, but thought it would be a nice change. However, 6 year old DD did not want to, she likes having everybody in her house (my parents too). So we took her to mum-in-laws this saturday to decorate a tree to help win her round. Mum-in-law is prone to angry outbursts, and was HELL for DH to grow up with, but has been a lot calmer for the last 15 years. On Saturday after tree, which all went well, we sat down to lunch and DD was excited and found it hard to settle, and would not eat soup or sandwichs, but just a biscuit. She then pulled a bowl of tomatoes over and smelt them, where upon Mum-in-law roared "you don't dare put your face in a bowl of food like that!" and slapped her on the back. I gave her a look that could freeze her to her seat, and said "You do not slap her". She said sorry, and admitedly it was a tap, but I don't think DD deserved that, and it isn't MIL's place to do that anyway. DD was very upset, I took her into other room and calmed her down, and we left politely shortly after.
I am now dreading Christmas day! Help - any advice anybody?

Gwendoline said what I was trying and obviously failing to convey.

The poor child should not have to be on edge all day.

Thankyou for all your helpfull comments.
I am sorry my spelling is not up to the high standards expected.
I have always encouraged my little one to love all her grandparents, and to behave as well as possible. I have tried to be as understanding as possible to the Mil's reputation in my husbands family. I am a calm person and have always got along well with the Mil, she can be lovely to DD, to be fair. I just don't think DD deserved what she got on Saturday, even though she was testing our patience. I also don't think it is a good influence for DD to see Grannie have a tantrum equal to hers.
Mil has invited herself round tomorow for coffee in the morning to have a chat!
I am glad she has, we will be able to sort it, I can explain that DD was over-excited. Hopefully it will mean we will all understand each other better. If thats the case then in a funny way maybe this has been a good thing.
Wish me luck!

Oh just to add, DH missed the whole thing(!) and so is a bit bemused but is now dreading christmas day. DD reached for the bicuit because the Mil does this thing were she puts a load of food on the table in front of us like a mini buffet, cheese and biscuits and sanwiches, tomatoes and pickles, all sorts of stuff - DH did say thus was probably not a good idea for 6 year olds, best to just put in front of them what you want them to eat.

I hate it when spelling is corrected, but I can't find where people have pointed out any mistakes?

Sorry! you re right - I got the wrong end of the stick on the admitedly bit, going mad myself.

Ah I see mil is coming round - good opportunity to calmly and nicely set some rules then. Tell her you want dd to enjoy her day but that doesn't mean run riot so you will keep a hold on things and if something dd does upsets mil can she try and tell her as calmly as possible and then hand over to you to do the heavy stuff. I have smacked all my dcs in the past but I would not be happy about the circumstances you describe and I would expect to have the last word in discipline/distraction needed. Sounds like mil has a hot temper. People like that are usually and quite rightly very ashamed of their outbursts. Just try and move forward by being clear that you are dd's mother and you will embrace all of that responsibility whilst mil takes some deep breaths!

Under no circs should she slap your child, but I have to say that you make it sound as if your daughter rules the roost, which shouldn't be happening. Her behaviour also sounds quite bad. Do you ever discipline her?

It sounds like your MIL is trying to sort things out so I hope for everyone's sake that it gets sorted and you can let bygones be bygones. Have to agree with others though that it does sound like your DD runs the show. Your MIL comes from a generation where children were seen and not heard and probably can't get her head round a child that has to be placated and cajouled at every step.

My DD is always well behaved at the dinner table, but she struggles at the Mils, she gets very nervous and jumpy.
Mil came round this morning and was very appolagetic, (did I spell that right?) we had a good chat, she said she did not not mean to slap her, just to tap her arm to stop her from reaching for any more food.
She also said she was sorry she did not trust me to stop her. On Cristmas day she says she understands she will be excited and she is not bothered if she does not eat much and leaves the table early, and she will be too busy to notice much, anyway. She is going to leave it to me to sort her out.
I am happy with that and I am much relieved. She even gave me a hug!!
We talked about all sorts of deep family stuff and we understand each other better now. I am still glad I said what I did to her on Saturday, I feel a lot happier about our Christmas day now.

Happy Christmas!

:)

my MIL is often inapropriate, she undermines me with the DC's, comments on my weight, hands out sugar like its going out of fashion, is judgemental and opinionated. But the children love her and I make the effort to have a relationship with her. That said, I have become better over the years at politely standing my ground. I imagine she has moved on from this, it would benefit you and dd if you could do the same.

she being your MIL of course