not listening.... any advice? tips?

[tostaky]

ds1 is 3 and he just never listen...
No matter how many times i tell him to put is pyjamas, get dressed,tidy up toys etc... he never listen.
Not a hearing problem for sure because i tried to say in a small voice that i will throw away his advent calendar if he didnt put his pijamas on last night and he did hear that very well....

Any tips? advice? Threats, removal of priileges, naughty step are not working or they do but for one minute and then the battle starts again....

'Look at me'... :) I can hear myself saying it. I found instructions only went in if I had eye-contact. With things like getting dressed etc., I also found offers of help were good. When you're 3, tidying up or putting on PJs is such an enormous job, you don't know where to start.

Sometimes I find a race is helpful - eg see if you can put your PJs on before I count to 10 (count really slowly) or before I finish X. It makes it a bit more playful for both and therefore less of a chore.

Maybe a carrot would be better than a stick
"As soon as you've got your pajamas on, we can have a story"

"Tell me when you're ready to tidy up and I'll help"

"Let's see who can put 10 toys away quickest"

"How to Talk so Kids will Listen ..." has more ideas

If you want to go down the playful parenting route you could just start talking utter nonsense to get their attention, make them laugh and then all do the tedious job together as a team...

Not sure if it would work for a 3yo but worth a try?

A bit like Cogito's advice: as well as look at me, ask him to repeat what you said. 'Tell me what you're going to do'. Then you can be clear that he has heard nad understood.

And keep trying.... I will remember to try some of those fun ideas when I start to lose my patience later.

in "what to expect..." they recommend to remove gently the child from where he is and explain him what needs to be done with eye contact. i have been doing this and it works quite well.

i have tried the race thing and it works half the time. i had try eye contact before but not with the "removal" and it didnt work

i should use more carots too and less stick.

today was good, and i praised him a lot when i caught him doing something good and everybody felt better about everything... tys were put away quicker, bedtime was easy... i am just ashamed i lost my patience a few days ago... he is such a nice little boy, he doesnt deserve me being angry...

knowing what to do is one thing - having the patience time and time again to do it is hard. Dont beat yourself up if you arent perfect all the time, everyone has good and bad days.

I think sometimes you can end up asking them a million times to do the same thing and no wonder kids don't want to listen! Instead of 'please can you put your pjs on", try "I need you to put your pjs on now please", then "put your pjs on now or I'll do it for you", then just do it for them. Glad today went a bit better - it's easy to get in a downward spiral with this sort of thing, and once you actually notice it's going a bit wrong you can pull things around. My kids are very similar and I have to make a positive effort every now and then, they're such good girls but when I forget to encourage them properly it goes downhill fast!

Good luck!

Sometimes the whole -race/count thing.
Or the eye contact - away from what they are doing.

Or naughty step - I've done that for hours upon hours.
Or just doing it myself.

But - somedays it's shit. And it is just sticking it out which is probably far more work.
But glad it went better today.

thanks you for your supporting words.
it is true it is important to remember to smile even when things are a bit difficult.

thanks!