Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

can i help dd have more common sense/get up and go?

16 replies

familyfun · 12/12/2011 10:08

dd1 is 4.5 and is in a dream world half the time, i find if i dont tell her what to do she just stands there. she rarely just goes and getsa toy and plays with it, she needs guidance. i have noticed that if i say nothing she does nothing. she sits on the toilet after a wee till i tell her to get off and wipe, then stands till i tell her to flush and wash. she stands shivering after a bath instead of getting nightee on. she cant make choices, like apple or banana without standing mouth open for ages.
can i hrlp her change or is she naturally slow?
she is quite a clever girl with excellent language so no problems communicating.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 12/12/2011 10:10

Is she still under the care of a health visitor? I would consider getting her checked out maybe

Original poster

familyfun · 12/12/2011 10:14

no she isnt.
will be back later to check on response thanks

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/12/2011 11:59

I think, that age, they can often be in an imaginary world more than they're in the real world and, even though we find it annoying, they're fine and just need lots of reminding. Sounds like you'll need to help with her concentration if (I'm assuming) she's going to start school in the new year. Things like memory games ... pelmanism for example.... are very good training for sticking at an activity for a period of time. Simple spot the difference games, ditto. When it comes to choices, maybe you could bustle things along with a count-down from 10. Apple or banana? 10.. 9.. 8... etc.

Can she cope with a list of instructions or is she very much a one thing at a time sort of child?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

familyfun · 12/12/2011 13:27

she is in full time school, reception year, one of the youngest but coping well if a bit shy.
she tends to do one instruction then drift off again and needs constant reminding.
this morning she stood in coat,hat,gloves and i asked her what else she needed to put on????? no idea. nearly out door i said are you sure there is nothing else to put on?????no idea. i had to fetch her new shoes which she has been so exciteds to show the teacher to remind her. its the last thing everyday before we leave the house but she still cant remember.
she seems to live in a fantasy land yes.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/12/2011 13:47

Maybe it would help if she had something or somebody else she was responsible for besides herself? You could pick out one of her dollies or teddies and channel the instructions through that.... 'Tell dolly not to forget to put her shoes and coat on'. Some children sharpen up when put in the position of carer/parent.

IndigoBell · 12/12/2011 13:51

What does her teacher say?

What you describe, in extreme situations, are symptoms of SN. But normally they're not - so it depends on whether school are also concerned.

IndigoBell · 12/12/2011 13:55

ADHD-PI

ADHD-PI is similar to the other subtypes of ADHD in that it is characterized primarily by inattention, easy distractibility, disorganization, procrastination, and forgetfulness

GooseyLoosey · 12/12/2011 14:07

She sounds a little like dd who is now 7 and is being assessed for an attention deficit problem. Dd can ask what is for dinner - be told - and then ask again at periodic intervals for the next 10 minutes until she is told that she has been given the answer several times and asked to reflect on what it is. She cannot complete tasks that have multiple levels of intructions in them and will often forget half way through a task what she should be doing.

It is nothing to do with intelligence. dd has a reading age of about 10 and the paed she has been seeing says that attention problems are one of the major causes of accademic underperformance.

If you are worried, talk to the school. However, if they say there is no problem and you believe that there is, don't leave it there. If she is a quiet girl (as dd is), chances are, half the time they won't even notice her as she does not demand their attention. Talk to the GP. I wrote a long letter with lots of examples in and took it to the GP.

Original poster

familyfun · 12/12/2011 14:10

that link is helpful thanks, she definitley shows a lot of those symptoms.

her teacher says she is doing very well, quite shy, joins in with groups and also sits and quietly gets on with writing/drawing alone and others join her, will answer questions when asked but wont put hand up, has been moved to a higher reading level than her class and joins in classes with older years for craft/pe and has made friends in these years too. when they come out most kids race out, dd is mostly last slowly dawdling along and teacher just smiles and says she is on her way.

OP posts:

Original poster

familyfun · 12/12/2011 14:12

she will also sit alone and concentrate on a jigsaw of 70 pieces and complete it herself or sit and read a book and tell me it almost word for word afterwards so can concentrate on work stuff.

OP posts:

Original poster

familyfun · 12/12/2011 14:15

she isnt very good at listening, she is quite good at visual stuff, similar to me really i need to see something to get it.
she has a non speaking part in the school play last week but knew every word of the whole play and every song and action.

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 12/12/2011 14:22

Kids with ADD-PI can concentrate - just only on certain things (or sometimes only on the wrong thing :) ). And they can certainly be very bright.

Does sound to me like you have reason to be concerned :(

Original poster

familyfun · 12/12/2011 20:47

she is also tantrumming almost consstantly, she is very tired from school but wakes at 5.30-6am and starts reading.
today she has literally thrown herslef on the floor because;
her school cardigan wasnt clean so she had to wear a different one,
she wanted a biscuit before dinner
she wanted a biscuit after dinner despite not having eaten dinner yet
i wouldnt do a sraft activity whilst cooking dinner
her sister moved a doll
she didnt want her daddy to go out.

im exhausted.

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 12/12/2011 21:01

If you want to take this further you should go to your GP and ask for a referral to a child development paedetrician.

crapistan · 13/12/2011 08:40

What would happen if you left her alone in the toilet (as must happen at school) - would she eventually "come to" and get on with the rest of the process?

My DS(8) is similar by the sound of it and I have to leave a lot of extra time for him to complete activities. I can stand over him and nag but tbh that just stresses both of us so where possible I leave him to get on with things himself.

Original poster

familyfun · 13/12/2011 20:42

she goes upstairs alone goes to the toilet flushes washes hre hands and drys them and comes back down and tells me proudly she has done it, she has been capable of this for ages as i have dd2 and if im bf i cant go with her. its just when im there in the morning when im getting her readu for school.

sometimes i see her looking at me as though she is literally waiting for me to tell her to do the next stage, like attention seeking.

OP posts:

Flip