Toddler DD horrible to her dad. How can I help?

[belindarose]

DD, now 28 months, has always been a 'mummy's girl' I suppose. She has started to be much more sociable with family members, especially grandparents, since she turned 2 and, although she sees them fairly infrequently, is happy to spend time with them without me.

But she's horrid to her dad and it's getting him down. Admittedly, he doesn't spend a lot of time with her. He works long hours and is often not home at bedtime. He is tired at weekends and doesn't really put in a huge effort to spend 1:1 time with her, but he is always kind and joins in with her games when she wants. She loves being on his shoulders when we're out, or being carried by him as I won't do it!

But a lot of the time in the house, it's 'I don't want daddy', 'daddy can't come in', 'no no not you, daddy' or variants of that, pushing him away and being generally unpleasant! We know she's only little and it doesn't really mean anything, but I'd be totally devestated if she spoke about me like that.

What can we do to improve this? Or do we just wait. New baby due in June - wonder if she'll want daddy then?!

I think she needs more time with daddy. just let them go to the playground on their own, bake cookies together etc while you go out/stay in bed.
I remember ds being quite clingy before dc2 was born. maybe it's that as well.

She needs to spend more time with him on their own. Having fun.

Maybe you could carve out a special time for them to do something together each week or more often if possible while you relax/go out for a coffee?

Agree he needs to make more time for her. He shouldn't take it personally though.

Either some activities in the house - what's he good at? Rough and tumble play? Dressing up? Making tents? Reading? Pretend play e.g. shops/tea parties/etc? Building and construction stuff? Crafty things? Messy play? Involving her in household tasks? - Or taking her out to the park or swimming or soft play or something.

Could you perhaps dedicate one regular task to be "his", bathtime or bedtime stories or a weekly swimming trip or nature walk or something? It would probably be helpful when the new baby comes if she is used to him doing the routine stuff with her so she doesn't feel pushed out if you are busy breastfeeding or sleeping a lot or whatever.

Oh dear, I know all this stuff. I was hoping for a magic wand. I do everything and he either doesn't realise or, more likely, it's hard work at the moment so he doesn't do it. Don't think we'll fix it really. Thanks though.

Yeah, there's no magic wand. He's going to have to put the time and effort in. That's the only thing to do. It's up to him if he doesn't want to fix it cos it's hard work. But if he makes the effort - it will be worth it.

:( Sorry to hear that. It is going to have to be important enough to him for it to work, really. If he can't be bothered to put the effort in then he will end up losing out.

yes, hard graft needed from you both so that she unlearns ''go away daddy'' works

so ignore, distract, you might need to be unavailable (busy) partic around say bath/bedtimes on weekends

Yes, you need to be more proactive - deliberately go out and leave them to it at bath/bedtimes or whatever. If you are doing it all, no wonder he sits back.