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Original poster

Whats a nice age gap between LO's - Experiences please

23 replies

MadameJ · 10/12/2011 20:30

I have a gorgeous DD (nearly 12 months) and would possibly like another LO in the future. It has being a challenging 12 months (for various reasons) but what do people think about age gaps between 1st child and 2nd, I am completely torn because half of me thinks have another soon so they can play together etc and the other half thinks enjoy DD's toddler stage and wait till she is old enough to understand about her brother/sister. What do you think/what did you do?

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StitchingMoss · 10/12/2011 20:38

Personally I would go for a small gap where you get all the hard work out of the way in one go and it's easier to entertain them as they are into similar things at similar times, but it's such a personal choice.

We have a gap of 16mths between our boys (they're 2 & 3) and they play together so well, but I know others with a similar gap who fight constantly!

Don't think there's any perfect time - when you feel ready, go for it .

Ponders · 10/12/2011 20:41

I went the other way - decided I couldn't cope with more than one little one at a time so I have a min of 3 years between mine; but they played well together as children & are still good friends, pretty much, now they're grown up.

As SM says, you decide when you're ready!

familyfun · 10/12/2011 20:45

i went for a 3 year gap so dd1 was at nursery when dd2 came along, it meant dd1 got some time with peers away from dd2 and could do craft/paly that i was too busy to do all day and dd2 gets time alone with me so i can go to all the playgroups and talk with her without being interupted.

they play lovely together already at 4 and 1 and dd1 is very protective of dd2 but also jealous of her.

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kickingking · 10/12/2011 20:46

There's no ideal gap, there are advantages and disadvantages to all gaps - which I'm sure will be outlined on this thread.

In any case, I think you will think it all worked out perfectly - you don't tend to regret when you had your children, because then they wouldn't be the sane children, if you see what I mean.

jamaisjedors · 10/12/2011 20:48

Ours are 2 years 3 months apart, which for us feels pretty perfect because they were able to play together from very early on and share a bedroom etc. and days out/holidays work well, even bedtime stories etc. - everything can be shared.

habbibu · 10/12/2011 20:49

Well, I planned on 2 years, which didn't work out, and have 3 years between dd and ds. It's great so far, but I guess I realised that there's just no point planning too hard, as often events are beyond your control.

OddBaubles · 10/12/2011 20:50

We have a fairly large gap of 3y8m between ours and it has worked really well for us. I think you make it work whatever the gap though.

Seona1973 · 10/12/2011 21:20

there's 3 years between mine and it's been a good gap. Only 1 in nappies at a time, dd started her free hours at nursery, dd old enough to help fetch things for me, etc

bruffin · 10/12/2011 21:30

I have exactly 2 year gap. Dcs are now 14 and 16 and it has been the perfect gap.
Ds was still in nappies so that was just a continuation.
They were a good age to play with each other etc.
I will have dd doing gcse and Ds doing a levels at the same time, and dd will be looking at 6th forms at same time as Ds looks at universities, but I can't think of any other negatives.

An0therName · 10/12/2011 21:32

planned on three years - got 4 - worked well so far - personal theory is the either under 2 years or 3 or more is best - as 2 years old can find the new sibling things quite hard - although some people will come along and say it been fine for them - but I have known some spectactly bad reactions at that age gap. The other downside with the large age gap is that the impact on your career as its a much longer time to be in the small children zone

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 10/12/2011 21:38

I found the 2y gap between dc1 and dc2 much much easier than the next gap, 4y, between dc2 and dc3.

With a 2y gap dc1 was still really a baby. They were both in nappies (so no dropping everything in the middle of a feed to take dc1 to the loo - don't let anyone convince you that two in nappies is harder than "Need wee-wee, mummy - NOW!") and both napping in the afternoons. Nowhere urgent to get to, doesn't matter if you're late to nursery. I didn't have any jealousy problems, our routines did not change all that much.

With the 4y gap the older ones were far more aware of the disruption. I had no downtime at all, because, for the first time, I could not use the baby's naps as me-time. There was no longer any leeway - we had to be on time to school.

Older children can help more, but, TBH, a 2yo can fetch the same sort of things to help as a 4yo.

startail · 10/12/2011 21:40

I'd say 2-3 years.
Friend said 18 months was very hard work as DD1 couldn't understand that sometimes her needs had to wait for the baby's.
Almost exactly 3 years between My DDs and DD1 certainly understood that she was different to a tiny baby.
Ten years later they still play together very nicely, but have separate lives and friends too.
Going to a small school being close in age causes another potential headache. Siblings alternate being and not being in the same combined years class. Given non dyslexic DD2 read beautifully at 6 and DD1 didn't read passably until she was 11, having them in the same class would have been hell.

RandomMess · 10/12/2011 21:41

well my "bestest" gap was definately the 14 month one, but you've missed that opportunity

Sooner the better tbh, harder when they're little but worth it in the long run.

Ponders · 11/12/2011 10:24

ooh, bruffin reminds me, a 3-year gap means only one at university at a time (unless in Scotland of course) & that can be very significant financially

Sarahplane · 11/12/2011 10:36

Planned for 5 years, got 6. Dd absolutely dotes on her little brother - most of the time. Main reason for big gap was that we wanted to wait till dd was in school as we couldn't afford 2 sets of nursery fees which is definitely something to consider of you work. Having said that though if you're a sahm and planning to go back to work when they're older/ in school then probably better have them closer.

BlastOff · 11/12/2011 10:48

I have 2 & 1/2 years, but only six months into this. What I found hardest was being heavily pregnant with a toddler who still wanted carrying etc. He is lovely so far with his little brother, but hasn't been at nursery (starting in January) and it's certainly been a tiring six months. I can't imagine a smaller age gap, and love the little stage, so not desperate to get it out of the way. I think if we try for dc3, then we'll aim for 3 years. I'd prefer ds2 to have a bit of time before my attention is taken away, and also him be starting nursery so I had a bit of time out with the baby.

DitaVonCheese · 11/12/2011 13:16

We planned for 18-24 months, ended up with just under 3 yrs between them.

So far it has been fantastic: DD is utterly besotted with DS, he seems to like her, no jealousy issues at all. DD potty trained just after DS was born and it has been nice just having one in nappies (we use cloth so my washing would be horrific with two). DD will be at pre-school for 2.5 days/week from Jan, when DS will be six months, so will be able to spend 1:1 time wih him.

Would actually like a long-ish gap again if we go for #3 but I'm 35 and DH is 40 so need to crack on.

I was a bit obsessed with best gap threads when TTC DS/newly pregnant as was convinced that we'd failed DD by not conceiving sooner, they'd never be friends etc. Consensus seemed to be that personalities counted for a lot and obviously things don't always go to plan so don't stress it too much :)

Typed with DS on my knee fighting, so sorry for typos, hope makes sense!

bruffin · 11/12/2011 16:25

Oh ponders
I forgot that and Ds is thinking about edinburgh for university.
I could have two of them at university for two years.

SecretSantaSquirrels · 11/12/2011 16:32

2 years here and they are now 13 and 15.
The first year with a baby and a 2 year old was tough but from then on it was perfect.
There has never been a time when they were too far apart in age to enjoy the same things whether it was toys, films, family outings, holidays and now chasing girls.....

MangoBrain · 11/12/2011 16:48

Oh my ds will be 9 by the time new baby arrives in June! Quite a big age gap really!

jubilee10 · 11/12/2011 16:56

I have 22 months between ds's 1 and 2 and almost 9 years between ds's 2 and 3. They are both good gaps

3boys1cat · 12/12/2011 14:14

I think anything between 2 and 4 years works well. I have just over 3 years between my first two, and just over two years between the middle one and my youngest. However, both sets are 3 school years apart IYSWIM! Unfortunately, this means that I have exams in my house every year for nine years in a row; we had DS1's GCSEs this summer, next year it's AS Levels, then A2s, and then we go through it all with DS2, then DS3. Will be gibbering wreck by then

toobilly · 13/12/2011 14:43

Well had DC1 then decided that I would like to be out of my teens so 4 yrs then DC2 then 3 yrs before DC3 and another 3 till DC4.
4 yrs was nice - DC1 was in school
but 3 yrs was nice as well but different
Don't think we could have done 2 yrs between them all 3/4 was nice.

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