Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

good verses clever?

8 replies

sugarbaby · 09/01/2006 13:38

If my DS (age 3) does something which I consider to be clever, then I always praise him as such (clever boy), but at the weekend, we had friends come to visit, and every time her DD did something that was clever (i.e. recognize letters, numbers, count the blocks ... etc) she would say to her "good girl". I read somewhere that by saying "good" instead of "clever" in response to something like that, you are actually leading a child to think that these type behaviors are things that they "have to do" in order to be good, and that if they get them wrong, they are, in effect, being naughty.

I'd never really thought about it until I saw her doing that with her DD, and it has always been a natural response to praise with "good" for good behavior, and "clever" for clever behavior. Any thoughts?

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

colditz · 09/01/2006 13:41

my honest thoughts?

These things can be over analysed.

Sorry!

Easy · 09/01/2006 13:43

Its an interesting thought, and more complex as they get older.

Now ds is 6 (and pretty bright) he often does 'clever' things to circumvent doing as he is told. That is definately NOT being good!

Original poster

sugarbaby · 09/01/2006 13:53

lol Easy, and some might say "too clever for his own good" (excuse the pun

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Elibean · 09/01/2006 16:37

Hmm...I suppose I tend to praise the behaviour, rather than the child (iyswim) or just say 'wow, well done for doing xyz'
I think 'good' and 'clever' are pretty subjective a lot of the time!

starlover · 09/01/2006 16:39

hmm i think you might be right sugarbaby... if a child is brought up thinking they are only good when they achieve something they have a lot to live up to!

Blandmum · 09/01/2006 16:40

I also think that these things can be over analysed.

While I think that 'clever' is great fun, I would always choose 'good' or 'nice' over clever, if I had to choose.

The nice kids I teach do fine, regardless of their attainment in school. Nice is much more important IMHO.

JoolsToo · 09/01/2006 16:45

'Nice' was a forbidden word when I were a lass!

as for 'good' or 'clever' in the context you describe, I find it mind boggling that someone has probably been paid megabucks to 'analyse' human responses to those phrases - shocking!

Don't know about you, but I can't remember a single thing my parents said to me at age 3! (but I am very old)

pablopatito · 09/01/2006 16:53

I just have this vision of two 3 year olds sitting around a creche and one says to the other 'my mummy told me I was a good girl the other day, but I don't know if she means I'm clever or well behaved, what do you think?' and the other 3 year old says 'you know you can over analyse things your mummy says to you'.

Flip