Please reassure my its ok to want to spend my non-working day with just my 2 yo

[KatyS36]

DD is 2. I adore her and she is the best thing I have ever done. I work 4 days a week. After considering all the options we feel this is the best balance for our family and we are all healthy and happy.

Whilst obviously there are moments, my a day off with DD is idyllic. Its her 'mummy day'. We do a music class in the early afternoon to give the day some structure and afterwards she has a nap. the mornings are our own though and we do whatever she feels like. If she is tired she has a lie in and is allowed to happily faff all morning. If shes full of energy we go swimming, to soft play, to the park. What ever she feels like. We have noone to please but ourselves.

Except we seem to accumulate a constant flow of playdate invites. If I was a SAHM I would happily take many of the these up, but if I'm completly honest I don't want to spend the morning chatting with other mothers, I want to play with my DD. I feel she is only 2 and has a whole lifetime ahead to make friends. She is at an excellent nursery when I work where she has plenty of opportunity to socialise and play with other children. Weekends are great but we're often busy and my non-working day feels like her real down time.

When I have tried it, as people have kept asking, DD is often quite shy and the other mums want to chat. I don't think its the most fun thing for her and I don't really enjoy myself either.

I don't want to be unfriendly, or antisocial, especially to people I like, but, for the moment, I'm so enjoying this day being just for us.

Am I being unreasonable, has anyone else felt like this?

Thanks

Katy

Oh yes I defnitely understand you! and I thought it was me being antisocial!

I have a 3yr old and a 15 month old. I work 3 days a week. On my 2 days off with them on my own, I have a rule of spending one of those days with the 2 of them just us 3. I limit meeting a friends with kids, play dates etc, for one day only, mostly just the morning or afternoon.

i find that if I meet others with kids I have to chat to the mothers (better if they are friends of mine, but even then) which means I'm not giving full attention to my children. I certinaly don't want to be entertaining other children too.
So yes totally understand you. I enjoy meeting other mothers and children for just a few hours, but certainly not the whole 2 days I have with them.

Totally. If I worked less I'd happily do similar to you, but my day with her just feels so precious at the moment.

Yanbu

I was planning on being a SAHM for a bit longer but ended up needing to go back to work (DH is now at home Ft). I feel bad hardly seeing friends (not that I had that many tbh) but I just want to chill with the DCs!

Make the most of it - when she's a bit older you won't be able to avoid them as she will be desperate to see her friends! But right now, they really don't need play dates, IME.

No, do what suits you and your daughter! I would have a think though if you mind if those Mummy friends drop off your radar if you turn down playdates lots. Could you just do one every month/every 6 weeks or something just to keep "in the loop"?

Of course you don't have to do this either if you don't really value those friends, or instead of accepting the play-date you could suggest just the other Mum and you go down to the pub one evening! Win win!!!

Thanks all. I feel at the moment she benefits much more from just being with me than from play dates. I'm perfectly willing to review this as she grows. I was beginning to doubt my instinct though that she didn't need play dates at the moment.

I'm hoping I'm enough in the loop still as a coupld of really good friends understand and we do a music class which she adores and so see other mums there. Plus I still meet up with my NCT group on ocasional weekends as fortunatly there is no midweek day which suits all of us. I'm reluctant to compromise this time with her to try to future proof playdates. Part of the problem for me could be that I am pretty social, apart from my day off with her.

I do feel guilty when I can see when some other mums are really after some company, but then I feel guilty as it feels like my time with my DD is compromised.

Katy

YANBU but the other mums are probably experiencing life differently from you .

I'm a SAHM and would love to have your problem as I struggle with only having adult conversation on 2 or 3 days a week. (My DH is very busy so I don't get much adult company at weekends either.) Most people with children I know are too busy to want to meet up for the children to play very often.

You sound like not doing playdates is the best thing for your family now, and your day off sounds lovely. Your first priority is to your daughter after all, rather than to other mums. :)

Thanks Angels. You're exactly right. I realise I'm very lucky. I have great work collegues and so have four days of adult banter, and some of them have children too so I can ask a lot of parenting questions, plus there is always mumsnet if it is an issue I don't want to discuss at work.

I can't be there for everyone, and maybe its just a case of saying this is the way it is. I've sometimes wondered if prioriting my daughter in this way is too selfish, but the responses I've had have confirmed this isn't the case, so thanks.

Katy

of course you're not being unreasonable. enjoy your day with dd. if one of these people is a real friend you like and dd likes their child you could suggest they join the music group that you go to anyway and would go your separate ways afterwards. but don't even do that if you don't want to.

the whole play date mummy dating thing is much over rated anyway. down right weird in some ways.

No YANBU. I used to work 4 full days and stupidly on our one free day we went to Mothers & toddlers in the morning, then even more stupidly I volunteered to run it for a term and spent the entire time making coffee whilst DS tried to escape and everyone else had a grand time.

Do what you want, plenty of time to socialise with other mums once your DS is at nursery and school

YANBU.... do what you like and enjoy your precious time with your DD

at this age they grow so fast, so enjoy and treasure every moment that makes you both happy

This was me when it was just DS and I also worked 4 days a week. I felt that our one day off together was sacrosanct. We did use to do the odd thing with friends but mainly it was just the two of us and we both loved the time we spent together. It was one of his sadnesses at going to school that we lost DS and Mummy day. He loves the holidays when DD is at nursery and we go out together. When it was teachers strike we went shopping and had coffee like an old married couple. Then watched tv and read books and had a lovely afternoon. I hate that people think you have to go out with other people or have playdates to be a good mum. I have a very special relationship with DS and I think those days together were the reason for that.

Thank you everyone, you are all so lovely.

My gut instinct was that I was doing the right thing for us, but you know that bit when you begin to doubt yourself....

I'm going to put much firmer barriers up around our time from now on, and not feel guilty for doing so. I was beginning to think I was the only person who had ever felt like this.

Thank you

Katy

PS EssexGurl, that sounds lovely, I'm so pleased for you.

Katy