I don't like my children very much at the moment...

[Popbiscuit]

I have three children, 10 yr old. DD and boys 7 and 5. My daughter is lovely and a pleasure to be around but the boys are driving me to brink. It feels like all-conflict, all the time. They squabble with each other, with their sister and with me and my husband. They are very strong-willed and extremely active. Most of the time I feel like they need a handler each in order to keep them from damaging themselves or property. Most days I am hoarse from the constant lecturing, explaining, disciplining and yelling. It just feels like a battle from the moment they get up (6 but we have a very strict rule about staying in their rooms until 7) until the moment they go to bed (don't get me started on those battles). I'm just worn down and completely demoralized and frazzled all the time. Older two are in school every day but little one goes only M, W every other Friday (Canadian Kindergarten). I'm a SAHM (which I mostly love) but I fantasize about working just to escape them for a few extra hours....Anyone else have similar feelings or am I just a terrible, terrible mother?

popbiscuit....I think it is natural to get frustrated & need some 'me time'. My DS isn't as old as your LOs but I found a few months ago i was feeling frustrated with being a SAHM...which I mostly love.
Do you get to have anytime for yourself where you can relax & do things that you enjoy? I think it would make all the difference I how you feel.

Popbiscuit - I feel exactly the same to the point where I dont want to do it anymore. My boys are 2.5 and 6 and see absolute no enjoyment, yes its a constant battle like you we have rules etc. From 6.30am - 8.30pm where is our time in this? Its a battle from the moment they get up.

I would consider afterschool club as that works for me so at least they can let off more steam after school. Could you have homehelp/cleaner etc so that your not under so much pressure. Could you afford a nanny/baby sitter 1 day a week so you could have a day off? I know how concerned you'd be about leaving them with some other person.

I'm finding it squeezing the life out of me too. Weekends are the hardest as I'm so frustrated that I'm left to parent while DH works constantly. Actually today he was had them most of the day and thats the first! I feel so pent up I feel the tension in my body and for relaxation there isnt any!

Is there anyway you could just organise a day out and leave them with him/MIL etc?

Going to stop now to carry on re-building the house while they are out!

Thanks for your replies. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I feel guilty for complaining because although I don't have any help I do have at least two days a week "free" when DS2 is at school. Unfortunately the time is mostly taken up with errands and catching up on housework etc. I do try to squeeze in a run here and there and that definitely helps with improving my outlook! DH also works very long hours and is frequently not home until very late, which I think adds to the frustration.

I think the idea of taking a day (or two) away is a good one, bacon. I think I mostly feel like I need a chance to properly "catch my breath" and have a chance to miss them a little bit. Will give that some more thought...

Hi Popbiscuit,

I feel your pain, and...

I wonder if your boys are getting enough time outside. Someone once told me that boys 'need walking like dogs' and though I was shocked at the time I now have 3 (aged 14, 6 and 4) and I have to agree.
Mine are horrible if they are cooped up (which often happens this time of year) and need taking for a good run around every day (preferably involving mud and sticks).

I've also learned to take care how I tell them off, lots of boys stop listening after the first sentence coz it sounds like nagging. 'Stop! Don't hit your brother' rather than 'Darling don't hit because it hurts and that isn't how we behave here...blah..blah'

Also do you think they feel they get enough 1:1 time. Mine play up to get my attention if I''ve been busy and eventually I do a mental head-slap and work out that they're just 'asking' for 5 mins 1:1. A quick cuddle and chat reminds them that you love THEM and they don't have to compete with their sibling.

That isn't to say I get it right all the time but when I'm concentrating those are the things that help.

i dont have any great words of wisdom, but read your post with interest, since life is very similar in my house. my boys are 9 and 7 , and constantly arguing with each other. it is so wearing, and i dont know what to do about it. i have tried punishing, but it doesnt seem to help. i have a 2 year old as well, and I work , so although I think the idea of one to one time is probably a very good one, i dont know when to do it! i have to keep them separate at the moment for my own sanity, and it is really getting me down. the house just isnt a happy one, and i really hope you and i get some peace soon

Thanks for your reply, lu. Agree that one-on-one time is probably very helpful and agree it's very hard to find the time. I'm at home with the kids but even when I try to sit down with DS1 to play or read, DS 2 wants to either join in or tries to "sabotage" things by acting up. Even reading a story at bedtime is fraught as they argue over who gets to sit where, what book etc. etc. Aaaaagh!

pop...are you able to tell the children that they can all have special time with mummy..one-on-one & chose a game/activity. That way they will allow you time with their sibling without the sabotage & acting up.