What kind of help do you have with your 3 children?

[pecanpie]

I have 2 DDs age 4 and 2 and a newborn. DD1 is at school, DD2 is at playgroup 3 mornings per week. I was planning on looking for help after school through till bedtime on weekdays when DH is still at work, but am wondering what sort of help other people might have (family or mothers' help etc) and who does what. I have no family/inlaws locally and DH's job is quite intense at the moment.

Chickydoo you may not have noticed that this is not aibu. The op did not ask for your opinion. What a nasty judgmental post.

Everyone has different needs and things going on in their life, and just because someone does not work "outside" the home does not mean they should not be entitled to a bit of help

Agreed helpmabob, most of us probably don't need help but if it is available either from family or friends or can be afforded then it's nobody else's business, why shouldn't people use it? Why be a martyr?

For us, we don't have any family nearby and the help we pay for makes life more pleasant for everyone. Kids get more individual time, I am able to do lots of school stuff like accompanying DC1's trips and swimming classes, doing PTA work. It is lovely having adult company when dealing with DC's daily routine, especially when they are on their worst behaviour days, makes me able to laugh about it with her rather than screaming with frustration at them (usually ). I feel so much saner getting a day's break from the daily routine-which I used to when we had 2 DC's, my weekend was just the same as the weekdays and I resented the fact that DH's wasn't! DH gets to go to the gym, work late, avoid domestic tasks he would otherwise do without feeling like he is leaving me to deal with all the dc related stuff alone (he is very hands on though, don't get me wrong), our relationship is better for all of this, as well as the fact that we get to go out together regularly. Our mh is, for me, possibly the most valuable thing we spend money on and every day i feel grateful for the fact we found her (as, crucially, she really is the right person) and can afford her. I could cope without her I think but I really would prefer not to!

I meant "which I didn't get when I had 2 DC's"

OH wants me to have help with my three, because he is never here. But I am unsure what kind of help. I live in a tiny, rented, 2bed house which is fit to bursting. There is barely room for another adult, and so much tidying would have to happen before a cleaner could come in! So not sure what help I am supposed to have.

Get a life, helpmabob, what a nasty judjemental post, I didn't ask for your opinion, but quite clearly you are in a judgy frame of mind too! Watch where you throw those stones!

When DC3 was born I had a cleaner twiced a week and a mothers help 3 afternoons a week which worked brilliantly. It meant that I could leave DC3 behind when I did the school run, could take my older ones to after school activities without dragging the baby with me and had an extra pair of hands when he was cluster feeding. Now that they are older I have an aupair who cleans, looks after all 3 before and after school on my work days and babysits officially twice a week but as she never goes out we often go out and grab something to eat or for a drink on a whim. It just makes life much calmer and less hectic. My DH is out the house 14 hours a day and it is truly worth every penny.

Captain barnacle, what would make your life easier/less stressful? A day or an afternoon to yourself once a week/fortnight? Even just time to sit with a coffee somewhere and read a magazine or do a food shop alone can be lovely if you are used to doing everything with at least one dc in tow. Someone to watch two DC's while you take the other to an activity/cafe together or do homework, or take all three out for a couple of hours so you can tidy (not my idea of fun but may make you feel calmer and happier if house is tidied and can be cleaned?) Once you know what you need you can usually find someone to help.

I never had any help with my 5 DCs. Family thousands of miles away and H off working. Th hardest time was when they were 5, 2 and newborn and the time I really could have used some help was during the afternoons. It would have been nice to have someone play with DD1 and DS while the baby napped and I could have got dinner on. Like CaptainBarnacle, we lived in a tiny little place and a cleaner would have been more than useless. Maybe someone to decide for me what was for dinner every day, take out meat to defrost, and then cook it in the afternoon? The tyranny of dinner hanging over me all day every day used to get me down. I honestly don't know how I managed to go off and shop for groceries and bring back even a fraction of what I needed, ever. It was like herding cats.

Failing that, I would have killed for an afternoon off one day every week. Never happened as exH couldn't be trusted to supervise the DCs without traumatising them. I would return and find the place spotless but with DD1 and DS very tight lipped or sucking their thumbs on the couch with the TV on, with exH glaring at me resentfully. Since I was bfing, the baby would have gone with me anyway.. When DD3 (DC4) came along, DD1 was 8 and she was a massive help to me. She could be relied on to read a story book or help the younger ones to draw or play in sand or do playdough or make a fort for them all and keep the youngest from injuring the cat (and vice versa). The difference just one other pair of reasonably responsible eyes made was incredible.

DD2 often runs across the street to babysit for a neighbour when she is going to get her nails done or off to her yoga class; another neighbour takes a dance class and DD2 also goes there about two afternoons a week just for about 1.5 hours at a time. That's the sort of thing teenagers are best for.

No nursery where I was either (US).

I say you should get as much help as you can practically afford. There are no medals for being a martyr. I want to make the introduction of baby #3 to the family as pleasant for everyone as possible.

I don't work.
My husband works reasonable hours and does a LOT with the kids when he is home.
I am currently interviewing to have someone full-time in the house 5 days a week before #3 is born.

Of course I don't need that help and I would manage fine without it, but won't it be lovely to have it? No dragging tired toddlers on the school run. No schlepping the baby around the supermarket. No worrying about housework. Just a calm, relaxed mummy with time to spend one-to-one with all my children, and a lovely, familiar person in the house to leave them with when I need to go out without them or without all of them. That's the plan, anyway!

I have 3 ages 3 yrs, 2(well 2 next week) and 4 months. I don't have any help as in paid for help or anything, but if i asked my relatives I think they would be quite happy to help, we used to live near inlaws and i would leave the older 2 with mil sometimes to take baby to baby group, or before that i used to leave the oldest one and take the 2nd to baby group. Now we are far but i do go over there on the tube then sometimes leave the older 2 and go for coffee with friends and just the baby. I have a sil locally that works fulltime but i know if it was any emergency that i needed help she would definitely help. I don't tend to need that much help as for me its easier just to do it myself, but being able to leave them sometimes with mil is really nice, although she is not near. Dh works alot so he is only around weekends or comes home late at night when kids are in bed, he is normally around in mornings when they wake up though, and does not go abroad for work that much and if he does, only for a few days at a time.
I had been intending to get a cleaner but now i dont want to as our new house is much easier to clean than our old one so i rather do it myself and save the money, as not sure how comfy i will be with people in my personal space and some people say their cleaners dont do a good job anyway. but i find to clean it properly i need to try and get dh to get the older 2 out from under my feet sometime during the weekend, which he is supposed to be doing now but he is daudling!
I dont have any school runs as 3 yrs old is not in nursery yet, but will be in jan so will see if that makes me any more stressed out although i am hoping not as i got afternoon place (having to drop at 8.30 would not be good for me!!) and hoping to be able to get more done of an afternoon without the 3 yr old as it takes ages walking places with him
A mothers help or au pair personally i think i would find a bit annoying having them under your feet, however if they were really lovely then once u got used to them it may be quite handy and helpful? For me having someone around at bedtimes would make life harder though, as i find it makes them play up more its easier to get them all ready to bed in an empty house of just yourself and dc
But I think if you can afford, and feel that something will help then what is the harm of trying it out?? yes you probably can cope on your own but if something will make things easier then why not? there is not a prize for just doing everything yourself, and if it is not working out then u dont continue with it, and go back to doing everything yourself